Dean Winchester And Other Stuff

Here's what I think about Dean Winchester right now. I still think Dean is a hunter through and through. He was raised by John to be a hunter at a young age. Who knows what age it was that John started to train him? I doubt it was when he was four, but I bet it was when he turned like six or seven for sure. A lot of fans believe that Dean raised Sam by himself. Dean did take care of Sam and protect him, but he wasn't the only one. There was Bobby, Pastor Jim and who knows who else that helped raise him besides John. It wasn't just all Dean raising Sam. I still think a part of Dean resents Sam and is angry at Sam because of the fact that Dean didn't get a life because he was always watching out for Sam. That was Dean's whole life for years. It was taking care of and protecting Sam. That was Dean's job and he did it well. Dean thought he failed when Sam was killed by Jake and went to go and make that deal because he didn't want to fail at his job of taking care of Sam. That's mainly why I think Dean made the deal and he didn't want to live alone without Sam because Sam was his whole life.
I sometimes wonder about the deal Dean made. Dean sold his soul for Sam, but not Sam's soul. Did Sam have a choice whether to go back into his body or not? If Sam went to Heaven, how do we know that the angels there didn't tell Sam things and that's why he came back. Of course they made Sam forget everything because Sam didn't remember anything at all. Plus we never saw Sam with a reaper at all. I still wish we'd find out why we never got to see Sam with a reaper. Why did the crossroads demon tell Sam that they didn't want his soul in hell, only Dean's? That's when Sam tried to exchange himself for Dean and go to hell for him. Now who knows where Sam's soul went. Did he go to Heaven? If Sam went to hell, then how did his body end up on earth and his soul in hell. I still think Sam and his body never went to hell at all. I think Lucifer and Michael went, but not Sam or Adam.
Back to Dean. Fans want to believe that Dean is so loving and cares so deeply about people. I've never thought that about Dean ever. Dean has always been about hunting. You watch him in the first couple of seasons and how he acts. When he gets excited about the first sawed off shot gun he made and he tells about the perks of the job and he means shooting guns. I think Dean does love the hunt and he does love to kill. What is Dean killing though? He's not going around killing people, he's killing monsters and evil things that want to hurt other people. I still can see him beating on that ghoul and just the look on his face. He was still beating and beating on the ghoul when Sam said his name and he finally went to help Sam. I think since Dean went to hell, he's been denying the part of himself that likes to kill and hunt because he's afraid of that part. He tortured souls in hell and loved doing it and it made all his pain go away. Maybe that's what hunting has done for him. When he hunts monsters and kills them, then the pain of losing people he loves goes away. The pain of losing his mom and dad and the normal life he wanted to live.
Dean does bury all his emotions and then drinks to try forget about it. Emotions are more than just crying and being sad. Emotions are anger too. Dean is probably angry about things himself and he tries to bury it. He told Sam to bury all that crap and that's what keeps them going. Maybe that's what made Dean such a bad ass hunter. He focuses on the hunt and doesn't let his emotions get in the way.
Look how the truth goddess brought out what Dean was lying to himself about. Dean saw himself in Sam. Sam was acting emotionless and you found out he didn't have a soul and he's just a hunting machine and that's what Dean has been for years. Dean told that's who Sam was acting like, himself. Dean just can't face the part of him that loves to kill and the part that maybe enjoys it. It is a part of him, but not all of who Dean is. You have to love everything about yourself to be whole and Dean will never be whole until he accepts that part of himself. Even Lisa told Dean the truth about himself and that he buries everything and then drinks.
Dean constantly talked about having a hole inside of him and that hole is that part of Dean that likes to hunt and kill. Dean doesn't want to accept it and he'll never be able to live his life until he does or be a whole person. That's why Dean came back from hell and acted so weak because he tried to leave that part of himself in hell because he couldn't face it.
I think Dean beat the crap out of Sam in You Can't Handle The Truth because he wasn't thinking about Sam but himself. It was like Dean was looking and beating himself and not Sam. He saw himself and how he acts by watching Sam doing what he was doing.
I do think Dean is a very complex character. I don't think he's evil or wrong or bad. Dean never got the chance to grow up and experience all the wonders of a normal childhood and that affected Dean in many different ways. I love Dean's character because I can tell Dean does feel strongly about all kinds of things. Even though Dean can't tell anyone he loves them, it's not like he doesn't. He's just afraid to because he's afraid to lose them or they'll leave him. His mother left him, his father left him and so did Sam. They all left him at some point. I think Dean is afraid of being alone and that's another reason he made the deal for Sam. He didn't want to be alone or be left alone.
As for Dean ever being a family man. I think Dean went through the motions of living a normal life with Lisa and I don't think he was ever truly happy at any point. I think that Dean could have a normal life one day and that he could be a great father and husband, but that's only if Dean can accept everything about himself first. Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself and I don't think Dean ever has. Maybe Dean can't forgive himself for what he did in hell and breaking the first seal. And he has low self worth or no self worth at all and if he never finds out who he is and loves himself, he'll never have self worth. It doesn't matter if he saves Sam, other people or the whole world. The one person Dean needs to save the most is himself. He needs to accept that part of him that he doesn't want to. It is a part of him and a very important one that he needs to be whole. Once he accepts that, then the hole inside of him will be filled and maybe he won't feel dead.

This is just how I feel right now about Dean and what's happening. I could be right about some things and I'm probably wrong about some stuff too. I just love both Sam and Dean and Supernatural. I love to think about both Sam and Dean and why they do what they do. I love them for who they are. That's why I don't like going on certain message boards and reading all the crap. I love how some fans think the writer's can't write Sam and Dean properly or they're writing the characters the wrong way. They're the writers and some of them have been writing Sam and Dean since the show started. I think they know them more than the fans do. The fans just want Sam and Dean to be who they want them to be and not who they really are and that's sad. I think the writer's have done a great job of writing both characters and I love them both. I love all the other characters that have come and gone on the show too.

The Truth

I have never laughed so hard in my life after tonight's episode of Supernatural. It just killed me. I loved the end of Smallville too. I laughed so hard at what happened at the end and I just kept laughing right into Supernatural. This is just what I needed after this week.

As for the episode of Supernatural. Now we know the truth about Sam or we do next week. Sam has no soul. Where the hell is it? How can he be walking and talking and animated without a soul? Maybe he's just on auto pilot or something. I guess we'll find out next week. As for Dean. I tried to tell those people on that message board about Dean and they just don't get it. Dean was born a hunter, raised a hunter and will always be a hunter. He is a killer and he knows it. He knows what's inside him and who he is and he's been trying to lie to himself about it and be something he's not. I'm sure Dean is afraid of that part of himself. I don't think Dean is some cold blooded killer either. He does care, but in his own way. It's funny because some fans just want Dean to be Sam or ascribe Sam's emotions or what Sam wants to what Dean wants or something. Sam is Sam and Dean is Dean and they will never be like each other. I could tell a whole complicated thing about why Dean is like he is, but I'm not. I love Dean for who he is and always will and the same goes for Sam.

I just found out a truth about someone I know and was very surprised and shocked about it. I didn't know that was going on and it was interesting to find out. I don't know why people lie because most of the time someone is going to find out the truth. People like to lie to themselves too and I guess it makes them feel better for a while until they have to face themselves and the truth about themselves.

I went to my Aunt's funeral on Thursday. My aunt wrote her own obituary and it was really long and it cost 600 hundred dollars and someone paid for and my cousin doesn't know who. It was probably his church. They really helped him. Her obit was very nice and I loved reading it. She did live a simple life and wanted a simple graveyard service and that's what she got. I hope my cousin is going to be alright. I prayed for him at the funeral and I'll pray everyday that God will give him the strength to move on. It's hard because you want to see the person you lost and know the only way you'll see them is memory. It's very hard to accept. At the funeral, I just thought about all the good times that I had with my aunt and everything she did for me. I felt a peace and I've always felt peace at funerals. I never feel sad for the person who died, but only for their loved ones that are left behind to live without them. It was very nice to see some of my relatives again. It's rare that I get to spend time with them and I should make time to spend more time with them.

God has always given me strength to get through things and I pray that he gives strength to anyone who needs it. I wouldn't be here on this Earth right now, if God had not given me the strength to keep on living at the time I needed him the most. He was there for me. That's one thing I always have to keep in mind about Supernatural. It's just a story and a show and not real. I believe in God and he is always there when you need him and he would never leave us or Heaven. It's sad that God hasn't lost faith in us, but some people have lost faith in him. They think God should solve all their problems and fix everything. God helps you with your problems so that you can learn and grow. I've always thought that God wanted us to rise above our humanity and become something better than we are and what do we do. We wallow in our humanity and use it to excuse our every sin instead. God wanted us to love one another and all we seem to do is hate or fight one another. I wouldn't be surprised if God gave up on us, but I doubt he ever will. I love a song called God Don't Give Up On Us. It's a wonderful song and there's a part in it that says nothing loved is ever lost. And about God not giving up on us and the part of us that's still beautiful. I cry when I listen to this song.

Well this has been a long post and I feel better and good right now about everything. I hope I keep on feeling good and nothing else happens to change that.

Cold Turkey

Okay, I'm going cold turkey again and I hope it works. I'm referring to message boards again. I swear I'm addicted. I'm not going to respond to any posts. I'm sick of stupid bitch's trying to fight and start something with me all the time over nothing, especially one in particular. She can rule that one board like the Queen Bitch she is. I love her crap about how both Sam and Dean are like equals. What a bunch of bullshit? She can lie all she wants to herself and others. I will go to my Hell House and My I love Sammy Thread on the CW Board and that's it. I may read some intelligent posts from certain posters on there, but that's about it. I'll try to stay here and my other places. I've been thinking about a new spoof and Sammy's chocolate milk story, so hopefully I'll be able to write them this weekend.

I need to read more too. I haven't been reading as many books as I've liked to and I need to get back to reading more books and less crap on message boards.

I love Friday nights now because my sisters and brother and I make a night out of the shows being on. We buy pie to eat while Supernatural is on. I go over to my sister's house to watch on her big TV. I love both Smallville and Supernatural being together on the same night. It's nice. I miss it with Vampire Diaries, but last week Vamp Diaries would've kicked it's ass for best show of the week.

I need to stay off message boards because all it does is cause me stress and you can't find anyone to have a decent discussion or anything. I mean about current episodes and what's happened on them and not old ones. I always pick up all these negative vibes from people after an episode and it's depressing. Then everyone thinking Sam is evil and that he's smirking instead of smiling. Give me a break with that shit already. It's old. Dean is not Mr. Righteous and he doesn't always do what's right. Dean isn't any more righteous than Sam is and I think Sam tries to do what's right more than Dean does.

I'll have to see how I'll do and hopefully I'll get over my addiction. I stayed off there for a week straight and I can do it again. I just get curious and want to know what others think. It gives me something to think about at work when I'm doing my job and the time goes faster. I don't know why. So I can see how they think of Sam and that they mostly think the worst of him and Jared. I must love to torture myself or something. I'm going to try and stop and then I'll be happy and happy with Supernatural.

My Aunt Verna

I have to make this my personal blog because I deleted my other one last year. My aunt Verna died yesterday morning. She was my favorite aunt. I hadn't seen her for a while and she lived not too far away. I'm glad I got to see her twice recently before she died. She was 90 so she lived a pretty long life. She lost her husband quite a while back. That's the hard part of getting older because everyone dies. A lot of my aunts and uncles have died and my father died 13 years ago. I guess I was upset yesterday and depressed and I needed to distract myself and what did I get, just more depressed. I didn't think I'd be so sad about her dying.
Last month my aunt broke her leg because a dog in their next door neighbor's yard scared her. She was outside screaming and in pain for over an hour before anyone heard her. That was just terrible to hear and that she suffered like that. Then she was in pain until she died. At least now her pain is all gone.
I'll always remember her smiling at me and she used to have this special wave when we said goodbye when I was a kid. She called it a monster wave. I can just seeing her waving at me. I spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house, more time than any of my other relatives. I can still remember my uncle Peter her husband. She's lived a while without him and now hopefully she'll see him again.
I always remember all the special people that have come and gone in my life. They will always be in my memory and nothing can ever take that away. Sometimes I wish I could still see these people and talk to them, but now I can only see them in my memories.

It was sick and sad going on that CW message board and being treated like shit yet again because of fictional characters that are just that. I love these fictional characters but I don't see the need to defend them or try to hurt someone real over them. It's stupid and sad. I guess that certain someone on there has no one in her life and is so obsessed that she needs to spend her whole day on there patrolling the board and worrying about who's bashing Dean or Sam. Who cares? And the other one must love spending her time there too and looking for other posters she can turn into the mods over nothing. It's just ridiculous. Maybe I needed a distraction and I wanted to talk and think about something besides my aunt dying, but I won't try again on there to talk to anyone. It's totally pointless and worthless. They all just want to cry and whine over either Sam or Dean. Or the show sucks now and they want it to be like it was before. I love how it is now and I don't care how Sam acts or Dean acts or whatever. It's entertainment and I love Supernatural and won't stop loving it and all the characters. I love real people too and not just TV people. I sometimes wish I could tell all my family how much I love them. I hope they know. Sometimes I want to punch my older brother or my older sisters and then sometimes I want to hug them and tell them I love them.
I guess I can just start staying here on my blog to post personal things and just go there with crazy theories and stuff. I don't know if anyone gets a laugh or anything out of what I write on there, but if they do, then I'm glad. That's why I write on there and I try to make people laugh or feel better about the show. I try to be as positive as I can, but all I seem to get is negative crap thrown at me.

I hope there is a Heaven and that all my relatives and the people I've loved are there right now together. I sometimes believe in reincarnation. It's interesting and it would be nice. It would be nice if you could choose what you want to come back as. An animal or a person a plant or whatever. It's nice to think about it. It's nice to think that you do go on forever somewhere. Here and somewhere else.

Love It

I just love it. I started to post again on the CW message board and of course the Queen Bitch wanted to start something with me over precious Dean. I'm not going to go around the message board and look for Sam bashers and try to defend Sam to them. It's stupid. Sam and Dean are fictional characters. I love them, but they are characters in a TV show. I don't need to defend them to anyone. I wanted to read more about why someone thought Dean was the better brother because I thought it was so amusing. There is absolutely no respect whatsover on the board. Someone starts a thread about hating Sam and I don't care because they should have the right to. It's a message board and you should be free to post about what you want to. If it's about like minded people who hate Sam then they should have some place to post on there like all the rest.
The Queen Bitch and her co-horts for a lack of a better term think it's their board and no one else's and it should be all about the great and wonderful Jensen and Dean. It's about Supernatural and everything to do with the show and not just one character.
I actually get a kick out of reading the Queen bitch's posts and I laugh my ass off at work thinking about the stupid stuff she's posting. It just kills me. I hope she posts some more crap because then I have something to laugh about.

There are some very excellent posters on that board and it's so hard to start any kind of discussion with them without Queen Bitch coming along and whining.

I actually thought one of the posters on there was nice and I was even going to go in a thread of hers and tell her how I felt about what was happening with her. Now, I'm glad I didn't because she's a bitch who thinks she runs the message board with the Queen. It's all about what they want to happen on the show and anyone who disagrees is not welcome. Whatever let them say their stupid crap to each other. I can see they have no lives to speak of because they seem to be on that board all day and night. I'm glad I actually have more to do than that.

The Pic Of Jensen And Jared I Posted About

Okay that pic I posted about with Jensen and Jared. It may not be switched bodies, but I still think they bulked up Jensen's muscles or something. That same Dean is on other pics and the SPN magazine cover. It just looks like it's not Jensen's body at all. I know Jensen has muscles, but I didn't think they were that big. Maybe I'm wrong. I just looked at my SPN magazine and some of the pics where there's Jared and Jensen together. They have Jensen as the same height as Jared. Jared is more taller and bigger than Jensen and that's just fact. When I went to the L.A. Con last year and saw them. I thought Jensen looked smaller in real life and Jared looked about what I thought he would. I just saw them sitting there up close while they signed their autographs. Jensen just looked smaller sitting there, but he was better looking in real life than on Supernatural. He's got a really deep voice. I couldn't look at Jared for too long because I'd probably act crazy or stupid. I don't know how I'm going to get photo ops with them. I'm going to be a total basket case or something. I hope I don't embarrass myself and say or do something stupid.

I just don't see the need in photos to make Jensen look bigger or the same height as Jared. It's kind of crazy.

My Other Shows

Okay, I've been neglecting all my other shows lately. I moved my little Sammy to his own spot so this place could be for all my shows and other stuff.

I'll start with Gossip Girl. I'm totally and completely loving this season so far. I love that Katie Cassidy is on the show and she's just wonderful as Juliet. She's made Nate more interesting to watch and I actually love seeing them together. I love Chuck and he's still my favorite character of them all. It's like this show never rests and you never know what will come up next for all the characters. I'm hoping to see some more of Eric in future episodes because I like him and would love to see them do more with his character. The Chuck and Blair war is always fun to watch.

Smallville's tenth season. I still can't believe that Smallville has been on for that long. It just doesn't seem possible because it feels just like yesterday that I started to watch it. I still love Smallville even though every character but Clark has left the show. Chloe is supposed to be in the show for how many episodes. I hope that's true because I do miss her. I love seeing Green Arrow or Oliver and it's nice to see him with a storyline. I like Clark and Lois, but I don't think they have the same chemistry that Clark and Lana had. I love Tess Mercer and I'm so happy they've kept her character on the show. You never know if she's doing good or evil and I love that about her. It keeps her character fresh and interesting. You can see she has a heart, but sometimes she's as cold as ice.

Life Unexpected has been good this season. I'm glad that we're finally getting to see more of Ryan and find out about him. I actually love seeing all the main characters of the show. I love them all and it's crazy. I want Cate and Ryan to stay together because I love them together. I like watching Baze and I enjoy his character just as much as Cate and Ryan's. I like watching Lux, but sometimes it gets a little crazy. How many guys have loved her now? It's getting hard to keep track of them all. Now she's hot for a teacher. It's funny.

One Tree Hill started out the season really strong and I loved all the stuff with Clay and Quinn. I loved how Clay and Quinn were spirits walking around and just everything about it. The storyline was heartwarming and sad all at the same time. It was sad because Clay was talking to the guy he got his kidney from and the guy died and Clay lived. Mark Schwann is great and I've loved Tree Hill for a long time now. I love how Haley and Nathan have stayed together. You can still have good storylines without always trying to break couples up all the time, especially married ones. I love little Jamie and he's one of the best parts of the show. I still miss Dan, but I don't know if we'll ever get to see him again. It would be nice to. I love Brooke and she's been my favorite character on the show for a long time. I can't wait to see if she finally will get married to Julian. I love Julian and he's been a great addition to the cast. When you have really great characters coming, then you don't mind if others leave.

Vampire Diaries is interesting and fun to watch this season. It seems like they've gotten all the characters more involved in the story now. I like the whole Katherine storyline and I can't wait to see what she'll do next. I love her because she's so evil and Nina does a great job doing both her and Elena. I love Damon and he of course is my favorite vampire on there. He's positively stunning to watch. I love Stephan because he's supposed to be the good one, but he seems to have a problem with drinking human blood now. I love seeing him struggle and it's nice that you get to see about equal time with the vamp brothers and it's not like Supernatural where one is a mystery and the other is almost the whole show. Both Damon and Stephan have their own stories going and they tie into the whole show. It's great to watch.

Funny Pic Of Jensen And Jared

I found this photo of Jensen and Jared and it's really funny. I kept looking at it and looking at because I knew there was something off about it. It looks like Jensen's head is on Jared's body and Jared's head is on Jensen's body. Jensen does not have a body like that. He is not more muscular than Jared. So, when I looked at those huge muscles on Jensen, I just started laughing. Jensen is shorter and less muscular than Jared by far. I wonder who made this pic because they obviously love Jared's body, but Dean's head. LOL

Thoughts About Sam

I've been posting some thoughts about Sam on the CW mesage board and I don't know why. I think most Supernatural fans just want to see what they want to see. They think Dean is so wonderful and loving a brother to Sam and I haven't seen Dean be loving or wonderful to Sam in the last couple years. I've seen Dean constantly putting everything Sam likes down or making rude comments about what Sam likes. Like every woman should look at Dean and then if one looks at Sam, then there must be something wrong with her or she's evil or something. I've seen Dean constantly trying to control Sam's every move and wanting Sam to tell him the truth, but Dean can lie all the time to Sam and it's great. That's the biggest joke.

I wouldn't blame Sam if he was totally and completely pissed off at Dean because I think Dean has been an asshole to Sam for a long time now. Fans can see the show any way they want to and that's how I see things. I don't think Dean has really cared about Sam because he doesn't even know Sam. Dean just wants Sam to be some carbon copy of himself and not Sam. Sam does not like the same music as Dean, Sam doesn't like the same food as Dean or the same clothes or woman. Sam is his own person and that's who he should be. Why does Sam have to like everything that Dean likes? He should not have to. Dean never listens to Sam when Sam wants to talk about things. Dean tells Sam to shut up or he doesn't want to hear it or it doesn't matter. I love how Sam tried to tell Dean about his anger and Dean just said to bury it. Maybe Sam did just that and now that anger is coming out and that anger was about how Dean treated Sam for how long.

I don't know what Sera has in store for either Sam or Dean, but when you say that things are not as they seem. I believe it. Who knows what's really happening and the whole show is like some mystery now? I like a little mystery, but I don't like it between Sam and Dean. It's funny because I was watching Vampire Diaries and watching Stephan and Damon and they've been treating each other better than Sam and Dean have. They've also been working with each other and helping each other more. It's kind of funny in a way. I love the whole what is Katherine doing on there? She's the big bitch and I love it. That's what I would have loved for Supernatural. A new character that you don't know and finding out what they're doing and wondering about it and not Sam and Dean yet again. I'm tired of that myself. I hope we find out what's going on.

I wonder if Sam is really Sam or not. Is Sera Gamble, Jared and everyone lying about Sam to keep it a secret or is that really Sam? I find it interesting that Jared in some interview said that Sam has gone to hell before. When did Sam ever go to hell? I just don't get that. He said Sam has gone to heaven and hell before. Sam died when Jake stabbed him and if he went to Hell because he didn't kill Jake, then I totally don't understand that. Why would Sam go to hell? It makes no sense. Sam never made any kind of deals or any that we know about. Why is Crowley so afraid of Sam? Or he was last season. Maybe he was afraid that Sam wanted to take over as King Of Hell. I doubt that. Sam has a total rage about killing demons and Crowley knew that. Why was Crowley still holding on to Bobby's soul long after Lucifer was back in his cage?

There are a million questions with no answers yet again. I hope I don't lose interest in Supernatural like I did with The X-Files. Too much mystery makes me lose interest because I get tired of waiting to find out what's what and then you never find out and more mystery and questions are piled on the top of the old ones and nothing is answered. It's like Gamble and Co think they need everything to be a mystery to keep people watching the show and I don't think they do. I would have watched Supernatural and never been bored with the show, if for the last four years, Sam and Dean had just been driving around and killing monsters. I don't need all the other crap and it's actually cheapened Supernatural. Like the angels and the apocalype storyline. I hated how Azazel and then even The Trickster/Gabriel acted like little kids or something. That sucked. They were kick ass supernatural badies and turned into spoiled brats or something. It was stupid on the writer's part to do that.

I love both Jared and Jensen and I don't mind if Jensen is on the show more and they concentrate on his character. I guess I should just be lucky and grateful that Jared is still on the show with all the hate people have for him and his character. I loved the first four episodes and then five came along and I didn't care for it. It was the storyline more than anything. Jensen did a great job as a vampire and Jared did a great job with Sam's character, even though we don't know what's going on. I'm sure Jared knows and that's what I love. I actually loved Sam standing there and watching Dean get fed the blood. Then Sam's little smirk or smile of satisfaction. I loved it. Who knows what's really going on with Sam or if that's even Sam all the time? Sam could have split personalities, Sam could be possessed by who knows what, Sam could be just Sam or maybe that's not even Sam and Sam is still in Hell or he's somewhere else and someone or something takes his place and Sam doesn't know about it.
There's more going on than what fans think, but the reactions are just stupid. Like Sam is so rotten and horrible to Dean. Like Dean is so wonderful to Sam. I'm just sick of it and now I have to not go on message boards again. I get angry at all the crap and most fans or people or whatever the hell they are, just want to hate Sam. They pick up what other fans are saying and just repeat everything. It's like they don't have minds of their own. Like they need someone else to tell them how to think and feel about the show and Sam and Dean. There are some smart and intelligent fans and then some outright stupid mindless ones. It's downright scary. It's like fans just see want to see what they want to see and that makes it so easy to trick and deceive them that it's laughable. I bet Eric Kripke, Sera Gamble, Jared and Jensen and all the rest just laugh their asses off at the stupidity and how easy it is to trick people into thinking certain things. It is easy because people want to be told things, it's like they don't have the ability to use their own brains to think with. And it's scary in this world that so many people are out there. I love to think for myself and no one is going to tell me how to think about anything about the show or characters. Everyone can love Dean and think he's the greatest thing ever, but who cares. I love Sam more and always will. Sam could kill Dean and I'll still love him more. Maybe that's how fans feel about Dean. It seems that way. Dean can do no wrong. Dean could outright kill someone and love doing it, but fans would twist things around to make it like Dean was doing something wonderful. Just like when Dean went to hell and you found out he started torturing and loved causing pain. I loved all the crap. Dean was torturing evil souls, Dean didn't break in hell and break the first seal, Dean was in hell so he had no choice but to do it. Give me a break. That said something about Dean's character, but no one wants to really know who Dean is either. He's just so loving and wonderful to Sam. He was loyal and caring. He loves and tries to save everyone. That is the stupidest crap and I wonder if some fans even watch the show. Most of the time Dean didn't give a crap about people. He loved hunting and maybe he loved killing the monsters. Who knows how he felt? Just like Sam.

I'd say that Sam and Dean are two different people from when the show started, but they haven't changed all that much. I just don't think we knew who Sam and Dean were when the show first started and now we've found out more about them.

Pics Of Little Sammy

Here's some pics of what little Sammy has been doing. Little Jess bought him a firebolt broom to ride and he won't stop riding it. Little Sammy and the rest of the little demons watched the ring on Sammy's new TV. Little Sammy has the shining and he wrote redrum on his wall. I hope it doesn't mean what I think it does.

My Little Pumpkin Sammy

Little Sammy got a pumpkin outfit for collecting all 12 pieces of special candy. All the little demons have been out trick or treating already. They trick or treat all month long in their little town. Little Jess got a graveyard room and she bought herself a broomstick. She's going to buy Sammy the special one that's coming out. All the little demons have been pulling pranks on each other and trying to scare each other. I hope they don't go to far with any of them because I don't want any of them to get hurt.
My little demons are excited about the vamp episode of Supernatural that's coming up. I thought it was on next week and it's on this week. I told the little demons and they were very happy because they want to see Dean as a vampire.

Who Is The Stronger Brother?

I've been thinking about who's the stronger brother. Is it Sam or Dean? Or are they both strong in different ways. I think Dean has always thought that Sam has been the stronger brother and he still does. Maybe Dean thinks it was weak of Sam to drink the demon blood, but was it?

When Sam and Dean were growing up. Who always stood up to John? Sam did and Dean said that he always admired Sam for that. Dean's loyalty to family could be mistaken for being afraid to stand up to John and to Sam. Dean even told Gabriel that he was afraid to stand up to his family and did Dean say that because he had always been afraid to do the same thing with his. Dean never told John what he wanted or stood up to him and told him that he didn't want to hunt. Maybe Dean did have plans for his own life, but maybe he should have let John know and Sam even. Who's fault is it that Dean never told anyone what he wanted out of life? He didn't have to hunt with John or stay with him. Dean did that on his own out of a sense of loyalty to him.
Sam stood up to John his whole life and let John know that he did not want that kind of life. Sam wanted to go to college and he wanted a safe and normal life and he tried to get it. He defied John, but at least John knew what Sam wanted. Maybe Sam was disloyal to his family and maybe he wasn't. He never wanted revenge on what killed their mother because Sam never even got to know her. He did love her and you could see that in the episode "Home" when he saw her spirit.

John never broke in hell after being tortured for how long, but Dean did. Dean knows that and maybe he feels weak himself because he did give in. I personally don't think Sam thinks Dean is weak because he gave in and started torturing. Sam even said so to Dean. I think Dean's whole problem is that he feels weak himself and he knows that he broke that first seal to set everything in motion for the apocalypse to start and then he couldn't stop Sam from breaking the last seal. Why couldn't Dean stop Sam? Dean didn't know what would break the last seal and he was so afraid of and for Sam that he couldn't see what was happening. Then Sam ended up being possessed by Lucifer and going to Hell and Dean couldn't stop that. Now Sam is back and he seems to be different, but only to Dean. Maybe Dean is wondering why Sam isn't acting the way he did when he got out of hell. Just like Sam said, they both had different experiences and they are both different.

Dean made the deal with the crossroads demon after Sam got stabbed by Jake because he couldn't stand the thought of living without Sam. Sam lost Dean and seen his brother ripped apart and knew he was in hell suffering. Sam drank and didn't care if he lived or died, but he didn't outright try to commit suicide. Sam actually did whatever it took to live. Maybe he trusted Ruby and let her help him, but he did live and kept on living without Dean. Then Sam went to hell for who knows how long and came back and was living a whole year without Dean. Dean was living with Lisa and Ben and thinking Sam was in hell. Dean was drinking and having nightmares, but what was happening to Sam. Was he okay? It seems like he was to me. We don't know anything of what Sam was doing except for Sam saying he was hunting.

I still think Dean thinks of himself being the weaker brother just for the fact that he made the deal and went to hell and broke the first seal. Then Dean told Castiel in "On The Head Of A Pin" that he needed to find someone else besides him to stop the apocalypse because it was too big. Dean would've stopped the apocalypse and it would've been easy. All he had to have done was go with Sam and Ruby and I bet there would have been no apocalypse and the last seal would never have been broken. The angels knew what Dean was going to do and they played on every little weakness they could. They also played on every weakness Sam had and Ruby was the one who helped there. Both Sam and Dean didn't trust in each other enough and I still think Dean didn't trust in Sam enough. Sam begged Dean to go with him and Dean was too stubborn to go with him, just because of Ruby.

On another subject. In "When The Levee Breaks" Sam told Dean that he'll never know who Sam is? I still don't think Dean really knows who Sam is and that's why Dean is worried that Sam is not himself and there's something wrong with him. I wonder if there is something wrong with Sam or if it isn't just all Dean think there's something wrong with Sam. Bobby didn't seem to worried when Dean was talking about how changed Sam was. He seemed kind of bored and sure he had his own problems to worry about at the time, but if he really loved Sam then he'd be just as worried about Sam as Dean is. Dean never saw Sam for a whole year and Sam didn't just get out of hell. He's been hunting for almost the whole time that Dean was with Lisa and Ben. Maybe it's Dean who's been the one that changed and not Sam. Also, I think Castiel would be able to sense a change in Sam and Crowley too. It's mainly just Dean thinking there's something wrong with Sam.

I think that each brother is strong but in their own ways. Sam to me, seemed like he didn't need anyone. He left John and Dean and I'm sure he loved them, but he left them to go live his own life. That takes a lot of courage and strength to strike out on your own and go after what you want. Dean stayed with John and that took strength and courage on Dean's part because he gave up what maybe he wanted in order to help his father. There are how many other ways that both brothers are strong. Sam just drinking demon blood and then having to stay in that room all alone with no one but himself. Dean alone in Hell and being tortured with no one but himself. I don't know why fans have to fight about either Sam or Dean being stronger or weaker. I think most fans just want Dean to be the stronger brother because he's the oldest, but that makes no difference. Sometimes the younger sibling can be stronger than the older one. Everyone has different strengths and you have to play to yours when you find out what they are. Maybe Sam knows what his are, but Dean still doesn't.

Another thing I was thinking about and was angry about while season 4 was on. That stupid saying "Save Dean Save The World". Like only Dean was a hero and could save the world and that Sam was just a piece of crap and couldn't save anything. I hated that. Sam and Dean save people and the world together, not just one or the other. They're both heroes in their own ways and have always been.

Weekend At Bobby's And Thoughts About Sam

I really enjoyed watching Weekend At Bobby's and it was nice to see more about how Bobby spends his time. It was interesting because you could see he not only helped Sam and Dean but other hunters as well. I loved watching Crowley and now he's the King Of Hell, who knew? I loved seeing Rufus again and I'm hoping he'll come on again. It seems he's not done with hunting and hasn't been since last season. In the third season, they made it like he was retired from hunting, but with the apocalypse and now with all the monsters, I'm sure he's out of retirement. There wasn't a lot of Sam and Dean, but they were in the show and that's all that mattered. Jensen did a good job directing. I don't know anything about directing, but it was just like all the rest of the Supernatural episodes, so he did just as good a job as all the other directors that have done directing on the show. That is a compliment to Jensen because I love all the other episodes of Supernatural, except for Heaven And Hell and even that episode was okay.

I'm glad I'm not going on the message boards because I can just guess what's being posted on there. Sniveling over Sam and Dean not being in the episode a lot and mainly that Sam wasn't in the episode. Then the mystery of Sam and Dean crying to Bobby about how different Sam is. Then there are probably fans either loving or hating Crowley, Rufus, the cop or the neighbor. Then there are all the crazed Jensen fans that probably loved it just because he directed it. Like they know what good directing is. It was a well written episode as well as directed. Jim Beaver is a class act and I loved meeting him at the last L.A.Con. I'm glad we got to see some more of his great acting. Well, it's been almost a week since I've gone on message boards and I'm happier not knowing what anyone is saying about anything.

Now on to Sam. What is the deal with Sam? I read some of the comments on the message board last week about Sam. Like Sam is so full of anger and rage. Why? I actually think it's the opposite. I think Sam has no anger or rage left and now it's gone. Sam killed Brady and he was the one who killed Jessica, so Sam's anger about that should be gone. YED was killed by Dean long ago, so I'm sure Sam's anger about him is gone. Then Lucifer killed all the demons that had watched Sam all his life, so why would Sam still be angry? I think Sam is kind of empty and his anger is gone. I think that's what kept Sam going was his anger and now he's got nothing left. Maybe all he has is hunting and he really doesn't even care about that. All the demons, Lucifer and all the rest are gone, so who would he want revenge on or be angry at now? Maybe Sam isn't even angry at Dean anymore. He said he used to be angry at John and Dean. What if all of Sam's anger is gone and he let that all go?
Who knows what went on in Hell or how Sam got out? I hope we find out soon. I just see Sam as not caring about anything because he has nothing to care about, even Dean because he has Lisa and Ben. What does Sam have? Nothing, but hunting.
It's funny that Dean thinks there's something wrong with Sam, but he didn't consider that maybe that's what Sam thought when he came back from hell, that there was something wrong with him. It's kind of funny.

My Poor Little Sammy

My poor little Sammy. He got chased all over his house by that evil bunny toy. It bit him in the head when he fell. Little Dean, Ollie, Jared and Lucifer all tackled the bunny and threw it in a metal box. Little Sammy had a Supernatural marathon last night with all the other little demons. The girls all went out shopping when the bunny attacked Sammy, so they weren't home. My little Sammy was crying and I had to hold him for a long time before he stopped. I told little Sammy not to buy anymore suspicious toys and I told him that I wanted to see what he was getting before he bought it. Little Sammy stuck his tongue out at me and then said he wasn't a baby and could choose his own toys. I told him he was a baby for sticking his tongue out and I won't give him anymore money to buy toys if he's not good. He said he was sorry and I hugged him again. I took that stupid bunny and threw it in the trash.

Little Sammy's Bunny

I came home today to find out that little Sammy's bunny was walking and had bandages and glowing eyes. It looks like it's got teeth too. I asked Sammy what was happening to his bunny and where he got it. He wouldn't tell me, he said it's just a toy. I'm starting to wonder about it. I hope it's going to be alright. I'll have to have someone check in on Sammy tomorrow while I'm at work. He doesn't have school and I'm worried about that so called toy of his.

Dean Read Books

I sat laughing all day at work today thinking about Dean reading and looking up stuff to get Sam out of hell. What kind of books could he even read or look at? The Bible wouldn't even help. As far as I know, Sam is the only one who's ever been possessed by Lucifer and ended up going to Hell with him and Michael. What the hell would Dean even research on the subject to find out how to get Sam out of Hell? It's just like when Bobby said he'd check his demon blood addiction manual when they had Sam locked up in the panic room.
I personally don't think Dean even tried anything because what could you try. The only one that could possibly be able to help would be either Death or Crowley and I doubt Dean tried to find either one of them. Maybe Dean just realized that he'd never get Sam back and just started to live. He looked pretty happy in those photos of him Lisa and Ben. Maybe the only thing Dean could do was honor the promise he made to Sam and try to live a normal life. I doubt Dean was happy all the time, but I doubt he just thought of Sam every minute either. Why didn't Dean try to get in contact with Castiel himself or ask for his help in getting Sam out of hell?
I just thought it was funny today and was thinking up all kinds of books Dean could possibly read and here's some titles. How To Get Your Possessed Brother Out Of Hell? and I'm sure it was written by an unknown author. Journey Through Hell and How To Get Out Of Lucifer's Cage Down In Hell by Lucifer himself. Maybe he wrote it in the year he was out and in between summoning the four horsemen or something.


Today at work I chose my new charity to support for next year. The money comes right out of my paycheck and goes to that charity. I chose one of Jared's charities because I was thinking about him and his love for dogs. I usually support St. Jude's, but I can send them checks throughout the year if I choose to. I still remember going to look at those videos from one of the Conventions and that stupid bitch who said what she did to Jared about his charity. Just the look on Jared's face. I wish I knew who she was. Like Jared was supporting a rotten charity or something. I give to charities and I hope they do what's right with the money I give and that's all I can do. You shouldn't just stop supporting charities. I hate to say it, but I bet a lot of those animal charities that say they don't euthanize, do anyway. They probably have to because there are just too many animals and not enough loving homes to go around for the animals to go to.

Today is the anniversary of John Denver's death. I still remember when I heard the news. I just couldn't believe it. I love John Denver and I still love him. He gave me the gift of his beautiful music to enjoy for the rest of my life and I'm so grateful to him for that. I'm also grateful to John Denver for saving my life. He did with his music. I remember being afraid of going to work and just going out and I'd listen to his music and it would give me self confidence and strength. John Denver's songs are like my favorite drug. I can listen to them and all my worries and fears go away. I can't express everything I feel for him, but I loved him and I wish I could've met him to thank him for everything he's done for me and for saving my life. He was an inspiration to me and many others.

When I came home today I saw little Sammy's new toy. It looked like it had been fought over. I asked Sammy if one of his friends and him had been playing with it or fought over it because it looked so ragged. Little Sammy said he hasn't touched it all day and he was at school. Who did that to his little bunny? Now, I'm worried.

My Little Vampires

All my little demons have now turned into little vampires. Their little town has gone vamp crazy and now everyone is dressing up as vampires. My little vamps bought wigs so they could pretend to be Edward and Bella from Twilight. Little Bela said she's already Bella, but her name only has one L in it. Sammy decked out his new room with all kinds of vampire items and a new coffin bed. I told my little vamps that there was going to be a vampire episode of Supernatural coming up and they got so excited and starting jumping up and down. I told them that Dean is supposed to get bitten and he might turn into a vamp. Now they can't wait to see the episode. I told them it won't come on for a few more weeks. This week is the Bobby episode where Bobby is going to call Sam and Dean to come and help him. Then there's an episode about the truth. Little Sammy asked if that was the episode that Dean punches Sam and I told him it was. Little Sammy asked why Dean always has to punch on Sam. I told him I didn't know why. Little Sammy said that Sam needs Dean to hug him and not punch him. I told Sammy that that's what grown men do sometimes. They punch instead of hug and sometimes they punch and then hug. It's really confusing. Little Sammy said it wasn't confusing to him and he went and hugged little Dean and told him he loved him and they went to go play.
Little Sammy bought a new toy and I can't figure out what it does. Sammy said it was really special and I can't see anything special about it. It looks like a floppy eared bunny that just sits there. Oh well! If Sammy wanted to spend his money on it, then that's okay.
My little vamps asked why I wasn't going on the message boards anymore. I told them there are too many people complaining and whining about the show. There are a lot of good people with great ideas and thoughts, but I always end of seeing something I don't like in the process of finding their posts. I get mad and I know I shouldn't because it doesn't do me any good or them. I just don't understand it. I told my little vamps that I'd rather spend more time with them than go on those boards and they were very happy about that. I am too.

I Need To Stay Off Message Boards For A While

I think I'm going to stay off message boards for a while because it drives me crazy. All the crazy fans out there that just want to see Dean and Dean's character only. They want Supernatural to be The Dean Show because all they want to see is Dean. I want more Sam and Dean myself. I want to see Sam and Dean deal with their issues and problems. They can do it together or separately. It makes no difference to me. I'd love for Sam to finally have someone else besides just Dean and something else. I hate that some fans feel like Sam is only supposed to be with Dean all the time and no one else. And if Dean doesn't like who Sam spends his time with, then those people are evil or something. Give me a break. Since when is Dean a good judge of character. Then, all these people think Dean can just fix Sam, but maybe Dean is part of Sam's problems and why Sam is the way he is right now.

I just hope to get some Sam insight in season 6, but I'm not going to count on it. I'd like to see how Sam met Samuel and the rest of the Campbell's and maybe some of their hunts or something like that. I want to know what Sam did in that whole year without Dean. Did Dean really even try that hard to find a way to get Sam out of hell or did he just tell Sam that? Dean read some books, that doesn't sound like he tried that hard to me. When Dean was in hell, Sam summoned a crossroads demon and tried to trade places with Dean. Sam was a wreck because all he had was Ruby and Dean for a whole year had Lisa and Ben. Like Dean really suffered all that much for a year. I'm sure he did wonder about Sam, but was a part of him kind of relieved that Sam was gone and he no longer had to look after Sam or worry about him. It seemed to me, that the weight on Dean's shoulders was Sam. Once that was lifted, did Dean feel better. I don't know.

I'd like to see things happen on the show, but if I don't then whatever. I'll love the show no matter what, but just as long as both Sam and Dean are on it together. I love when they're both on the show equally and not when there's more than one or the other. I'd love to see an entire episode with just Sam and maybe we'd get to see more of what he's thinking and feeling, but I doubt it will ever happen. Jensen/Dean fans would have a fit and go ballistic or something and whine and cry that Dean was being pushed aside for Sam and whine whine whine. They don't care if maybe Jensen would like a little break every now and then. Like he doesn't work hard or something and would maybe like to go on vacation too. Or he might need time off for something personal, but never gets it because of his rabid and crazy fans. I think most of them love Dean and could care less about Jensen himself. That's just sad. It would be nice to see other characters with more airtime and then both Jared and Jensen could get a break, but everyone wants to see Sam and Dean stuck to each other's asses all the time. It's scary.

I love the boards, but they are like an addiction or something and I have to go cold turkey right now. I may go on once in a while, but I want to enjoy season 6 just like I did season 5 without all the hatred and craziness.

Little Sammy's Baby

My little Sammy is busy getting ready for Halloween. So are the other little demons. They've all been decorating their houses and buying new outfits.
I found a baby carriage in little Sammy's house the other day and tried to look inside it. Little Sammy stopped me and wouldn't let me see what was in it. Today when Sammy went to school. I looked in the baby carriage and found a little devil. It's just a stuffed toy devil. I was worried that he had something else in there, maybe one of his pets or something.
When Sammy came home from school, there was something wrong with his eyes. I thought he had spent all night awake because his eyes were all bloodshot and bulging. Little Sammy was just wearing some Halloween glasses that little Dean got him.
Little Sammy told me he loves Halloween and it's sad that Sam on Supernatural doesn't like Halloween. I teased little Sammy that he'd better watch out because he keeps dressing up like the monsters that Sam and Dean hunt and kill from the show. Little Sammy laughed and then went to go put on his vampire outfit.
I personally love Halloween just like my little Sammy. I love the whole month of October. It gets darker and cooler and there's just a certain something in the air that I love to breathe. The days get shorter and the nights longer and clearer. It's a wonderful time. Nature is at the most beautiful with the leaves turning colors and falling off the trees. Rain cleans out the air and makes it easier to breathe. It's just a wonderful time of year.