Buffy And Angel

I thought I'd write about Buffy and Angel. I used to love watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer seasons 1-3. After that I didn't watch it very much. Every once in a while, I'd watch a certain episode if it looked good. I loved Angel being on the show and I was so sad and disappointed that they made a spin-off of just him. Sure I got to see Angel more and David Boreanaz, but I loved Angel on Buffy. I loved watching Buffy and Angel and all their scenes together. I loved their love story so much. You knew that they loved each other so much, but they would never be together. I still think that scene when Buffy sent Angel to hell is my favorite scene of any show. I still remember watching it for the first time. I just died inside and it was probably the most saddest thing I've ever watched on TV. I loved how Buffy told Angel to close his eyes before she stabbed him and that's what Darla had said to him, right before she changed him into a vampire.
I loved the whole cast from the first three seasons. You knew the good guys were and you knew who the bad guys were. After that season, it all became a blur and I couldn't stand it. I started watching Buffy at the start of the third season. I read how many of the Buffy books and loved them. The original stories and the ones from the show. I was totally and completely obsessed and in love with the show and the love story between Buffy and Angel. After I stopped watching both shows, I would still read the books because I loved them. I still have all of them. I love Angel's first season and the fifth season the most. The other three are okay, but I still couldn't stand that Angel had a baby with Darla. They were both vampires and had a human baby. That was just stupid.
I loved Buffy until I watched her become a ditsy slut and then I couldn't stand her. She was this strong and kick ass female and turned into some whimpering weakling out of no where. She acted weak in front of that Riley guy and Spike and I couldn't stand it. When she was with Angel, she was always the stronger one or on equal ground with him. I loved Willow and even when she turned gay, I didn't mind. It's when her lover got killed and she turned evil to get revenge and she wanted to destroy the world. The character Xander was just around for comedy because that's about all I seen him as. I loved Oz in the second season and I loved him with Willow. They were too sweet together. I loved Cordelia in Buffy and I actually loved her in Angel until her and Angel fell in love. Giles was great too and then all of a sudden, I don't know what happened to him. He was having sex, playing a guitar and doing goofy crap and I didn't even get his character. Spike went from a bad ass vamp to a groveling love sick idiot around Buffy, except when he wasn't trying to rape her. I thought that all stuff with Buffy and Spike was sick and that Buffy even had sex with him. I guess some fans liked it. You knew Spike liked her from the start and had a thing for her, but when she reciprocated it, that was scary.
I never minded how Buffy ended. I even watched a couple of the last episodes of the show and liked them. I also loved all the crossover episodes of Buffy and Angel. My favorite was when Buffy came to see Angel and he was a human being and they were together and then Angel had to turn back time and he remembered and Buffy didn't. That episode broke my heart and that was one of my favorite scenes ever on a show when Buffy put her hand on Angel's chest and said she felt his heartbeat.
I guess I loved that because back then I was a romantic and believed that one day I'd find someone to love me. I still haven't found anyone and I can blame myself because I don't even try. I just take a look around at all the people at my work, my family and everywhere I go. It seems like no couples stay together and no one wants to try and make things work between them. Like there is no love anymore. I've never been on a date and I've never been kissed or had sex. I can admit that. I'm to blame for that because I guess I'm afraid or part of me is. I'm overweight and I know when a guy looks at me, he's only thinking about getting easy sex or something because I'd be desperate or they think I'd be. I just don't see any reason to try and find someone now. I'm how old and most people my age have been with how many people and married how many times. I don't think I could deal with that. I couldn't be with someone who has kids of their own with someone else. I'd love the kids, but would they love me.

Okay, I'm getting too crazy about that. Now back to why I even posted about Buffy and Angel. I was just so obsessed with Buffy when Angel was on the show and I loved it so much. It was so hard for me to let it go and I eventually did. I don't want to let Supernatural go, but it's starting to get too crazy and convoluted to watch. When you don't even know now who's good or evil and who's good or bad and even the main characters have changed into people you don't even know or like anymore. I'm starting to actually dislike Dean's character and Sam isn't even all there right now. It's funny that Dean during the series has never been anyone but Dean, but Sam has been possessed twice now, has changed bodies with someone and is now without a soul and is like a different person. Jared does a great job of playing the different roles, but I want to see Sam, not all these other characters. I want to know that Sam is one of the good characters and what he's doing is the right thing. Then we have Dean, who is always doing the right thing, no matter what he does. Even when he's done stuff that Sam has done, he's always right. I can't stand it anymore. Now on Supernatural there is no good guys or bad guys. The hunters on the show, I thought were the good ones fighting evil and now they're being depicted as killers and whatnot. The only hunter on the show who's good is Dean. Sam is either wrong all the time or he's turning evil or darkside and that doesn't matter what he's doing. He kills demons and he's wrong for doing it. He doesn't kill demons and he's wrong for doing that. It just seems like everything Sam does is wrong and everything Dean does is right and I'm tired of it already.
I'm starting to wonder if the writer's aren't going to make Dean be God or something in the end. God came down to Earth to be a human being and then lost faith in himself and needs to get it back or something. Or there's some big plot and he knows about it and is waiting around until it's the right time to reveal himself. Tons of fans think there is something about Dean and he's not all human, so I'm sure he's God. Seeing as he's now the whole moral center of Supernatural and he know what's right and wrong and no one else does but him. Sam is I don't know who at this point. Maybe one of God's angels that's helping him or something and is more devoted to him. Who the hell knows? I think I'm getting sarcastic because I can't stand all the crap anymore. Sam always has to be some mystery character and Dean is always Mr. Wonderful good guy that does no wrong and everyone should feel for him.

I think I have to write about this just to stop being depressed about it. I'm slowly letting Supernatural go and I don't want to. I'm still clinging on it and hoping for the best and that I'll love it again like I did last year. I'm still going to enjoy going to the L.A. Con because I love Supernatural and always will. I appreciate Jared, Jensen and all the other actors and actresses that have been on the show. I appreciate Kripke for creating it and all the other writers and directors and everyone who has made the show possible. I might not like what's happening now, but I still love all the other seasons and always will. I'm not mad at Sera Gamble either or what she's doing with the show. It's up to her and whoever to make it what it is. I hope to keep watching the show. I just want to love it, like I did before. I loved the beginning of this season and the last episode, but I've hated how Sam now doesn't have a soul and no one likes him, even Sam fans. It's like everyone hates this Sam and it's just Sam without a soul. He still seems like Sam to me, even without a soul. Sure he doesn't care about things, but he has all his emotions. He may have been going through the motions of being the old Sam, but isn't that what Dean did all last season and the season before. That's what Death told him in My Bloody Valentine. That he was defeated and just going through the motions of trying to live because he felt dead inside already.

I hope my love for Supernatural doesn't die yet and maybe I'll get the love I had for it back soon. I'm hoping and praying for that.

Animal Abuse

I was watching Stargate tonight and I saw that Humane Society commercial. It always makes me sad and I start crying. I think of all the animals out there that are being abused or mistreated and it just hurts. I can just imagine those poor white seals being beaten in the head by men for their coats. You'd have to be totally inhumane to do something like that to something so innocent that can't fight back. I can see people hunting for food. Like when you kill a deer, bird or fish and eat it. I don't mind that, but when you just kill an animal to kill it, that makes me sick. Like people get some sick pleasure out of hurting or killing something.
It's even sadder to think how many children out there are being physically, mentally and sexually abused. I can't even think about it for too long because I'll get too depressed and there's nothing I can do about it.
I try to help whatever charities I can. I mostly help animals and children. I feel they need more help because they can't take care of themselves and they have no voices in this world. Someone has to give them a voice and help them.

I just want to grab my sweet Mully and hold her really tight. I take care of her the best that I can and I love her more than anything. She may just be a cat, but she's sometimes the only comfort I have. I still can't believe that she's almost 17 years old. I've never owned a cat that long. She is an indoor cat and she hates to go outside. It's funny because when I pick Mully up in my arms, she hugs me like a person or something. I've never had another cat do that before. Mully always knows when I'm upset or when I need her for comfort. I just love her and I wish all the rest of the animals in this world could be loved like her, but the only thing I can do is love her and hope others love their pets and other animals enough to help them.

I pray for this whole world to one day be better, but I doubt it ever will be because most people don't even try to make it a better place. They just say, that's the way it is and oh well.

Fun Day Out

I went to a gambling town that's not too far away from where I live today. My niece who just turned 21 a couple months ago is in town and wanted to go there to gamble. Her mom, my sister went along and so did our mom. We went on a tour bus down there and it was a pretty good ride down. Our hostess dressed like Elvis and sang Elvis songs. It was funny to see her do that and everyone was laughing and having a good time.
I actually won this time, but then I lost by the time we left. We stay there for six hours and then you go back home on the bus. It's about two and half hours to go there and two and half hours back. I had fun being with my niece because I've never got to go gambling with her before. She was ID'ed even because she still looks like a teenager. I played a lot of different machines and had fun playing all of them. It would have been nice to win, but at least I only lost a little bit of money. I usually lose a lot and I end up sitting for hours waiting for the bus or watching one of my family play for hours. I've been trying not to gamble and I haven't gone there for a long time. I only went this time because of my niece. I don't think I'll be going until after the Supernatural Convention. I still have how much more to buy and save for it. I want a Misha photo op, plus I still have to get plane tickets and pay for the hotel room. Then I have my dental bills to pay. I went to the dentist and got better news than I expected. I thought I'd have a ton of root canals and caps, but I just have six cavities and I'm getting a tooth pulled. It's not bad and I'm glad about that. I need to stop procrastinating all the time.

I went on the CW board and I guess I just don't know how to post on there or something. I'd love to discuss the show without all the bullshit about Sam or Dean. I could give a crap less about who likes or dislikes Sam or Dean or any other character on the show. It would be nice to discuss stuff without all that crap. I guess I'll take another hiatus from that board or posting anything besides stuff in Hell House and my two Sam and Dean threads. I can at least say whatever I want in them. That's one of the things that's wrong with that board. Posters think you are attacking them if they love one character or another. I could give a shit less about it. Anyone on there can bash whatever character their heart desires. Or they can love whichever character that they want to. I don't care who loves what character or if someone is a Sam fan, Dean fan, Bi-Bro or whatever the crap they want to call themselves.

I guess I'm just tired of that crap about Dean now having to be Sam's moral compass. Your morals are your sense of right and wrong. Dean doesn't know what's right or wrong, only what he thinks is right or wrong. So why should Sam have to do everything that Dean thinks is right or wrong. When if Dean is wrong about something, then Sam will be too. Sam has all his memories and a brain. He probably knows about right and wrong and just doesn't care. Dean on the other hand, is now letting his emotions cloud his sense of right and wrong. Someone pointed out that Sam let his revenge cloud his sense of right and wrong. Hasn't Dean done that too?
Dean had more morals when he came out of hell. That's why he stole stuff out of that store. Because it's right to steal. Then later in Wishful Thinking, Dean steals liquor out of the store and he's right to do that. The little girl at least brought back stuff her teddy bear stole and said she was sorry about it. Dean didn't give a ratt's ass that he stole. Dean didn't care, so he was almost like Sam without his soul, that didn't care. I guess no one gets the similarities or what You Can't Handle The Truth was about. Dean said Sam was acting like him. Dean had his soul when he came back from hell and he didn't care about anything. He didn't care that Lilith was breaking the seals, he didn't care what Sam was doing with Ruby. He tried to shut off all his emotions and that's just like Sam without his soul.
I have a soul, but I could turn off my emotions. Anyone can and does? How many people kill or abuse other people and don't care about it?
I'd love to talk over this stuff on that board without all the Sam vs. Dean shit. It's not about that. It's not about Dean being righteous and now Sam has to have Dean be his moral compass or something. That's just stupid shit. I remember in season 4 when they were saying the same crap. Like Dean now is the moral one and Sam is immoral or something. Like Sam can't tell the difference from right or wrong and he hasn't been able to since the fourth season of the show and Dean does know what's right and wrong. He knows when to trust a demon, like Crowley. Sam didn't want to, but Dean did and look how that turned out. Crowley was just like Ruby and all the other demons they've dealed with. I remember Dean saying. "What can I say, I trust the guy." That was about Crowley. Little did Dean know that Crowley had his own agenda. It seemed that Dean didn't really give a ratt's ass about the humans Crowley killed in the office building in The Devil You Know. Dean doesn't always care about everyone. He puts his family first and if anyone tries to hurt them, he'd hurt or kill them. Would he be right or wrong to do it? That would, I guess depend on today's society and what everyone thinks is right or wrong. That changes all the time.

Smallville And Supernatural episode 8

I loved both Smallville and Supernatural's episodes. They were both great and I just love watching them together. You watch stuff on Smallville and then think about it while watching Supernatural.
I loved seeing Tess and finding out she's a Luthor. I kind of had it figured out by the middle of the show. It was nice that Clark got to see his parents again. His real parents and that Lois watched the tape of her Mom. Parents are one thing Sam and Dean never really had on Supernatural. They lost their mother when they were little and Sam never even got to know her at all. I love that about Sam's character too. That he loves his mother and always has, even though he never got to know her.
The shallow side of me, loved seeing Tom Welling with his shirt off. Man, does he have one hot body.

Supernatural made me laugh from the start to almost the end. It was one of my favorite so far this season. Sure, Sam doesn't have his soul, but Jared is so great that it doesn't really matter. I'm hoping that Sam gets his soul back soon, but are we going to see all his emotions and feelings hit him at once, when it's restored. That will be a whole hell of a lot for Sam to handle. I hope we get to see it and they don't try to pull something like making Sam forget things or something like that.
I loved that german shepherd dog in the episode because it did a great job of acting. When the dog was staring at that woman and when it was watching TV. You knew it was the guy, but it was funny to watch. I liked the whole storyline and plot of this episode and I hope there are more like it on the way. Next week's looks like it's going to be really funny and good. I can't wait for it.

I've been reading some posts on the CW message board again. The interesting ones, not the stupidity. I'm so tired of the dumb posters who think they have to defend fictional characters. Sure, you can defend them a little, but when you start bashing on other posters and acting like a complete nutcase, then you have a problem with telling the difference between reality and fantasy. I'd love to bash Sam and Dean all over that message board because I love them so much. It's just too damn funny to me. I'm not going to respond to idiots anymore and I'm just going to ignore them and post whatever I want to. I love to read what people are thinking about and all their thoughts, theories and ideas about the show. I love the variety and how people see the show and the characters, but I won't deal with idiots who think I have to think the same way they do about everything. It's just plain scary sometimes. You never know who some of those people are or where they're really at. I sometimes wonder about a certain someone on that board and if they're not on drugs or just crazy in the head or something.

I can be a royal bitch when I want to be and I can freely admit that. I have crazy thoughts and ideas, but I don't try to force other people to accept them. People can read what I write and hopefully they have their own brains to think about things with and have their own thoughts about everything. My thoughts are my own and I love to express them. Sure, I can be sarcastic at times, but some people just make me angry. I can be serious or funny at times too. I'm going to be me and I personally like myself, so I don't really care if anyone else likes me or not. I like most of the posters on the CW message board. There are just a few that should get a life and do something else besides obsessing over Supernatural and Dean or whether someone is bashing his character or whatnot. Dean can never be hurt by anything anyone says because he is fictional and it just kills me, when idiots can't realize it. You can love fictional characters because I do, but when you think of them as real and defend them like they're real,then I think you have a problem.

Okay, I'm done for now. I can't wait for next Friday. It was fun this Friday because my niece is in town for a visit and it's nice spending time with her.

Why I Love Sam Winchester And He's My Favorite TV Character?

Why do I love Sam Winchester? The main reason I love him is because Jared Padalecki brings him to life and I love Jared. Jared makes me feel good every time that I watch him. I remember the first time I saw him on Gilmore Girls. He smiled and I smiled and it was like the sun came out or something. He has such a wonderful and bright smile and he makes me feel good when he smiles. I still remember the time I watched a video someone made of clips of Jared on YouTube and him smiling and laughing. I went to work feeling great and I sat there all day thinking of him and I was happy. I know that sounds dumb or lame to other people, but that's how I feel.

I love Sam's character because I feel kind of like him. I'm the youngest sibling in my family. I have three older sisters and an older brother. I don't think anyone can know what it's like to be a younger sibling, unless you've been one. My older siblings think they know everything and that they have to teach me everything and that I don't know things. I doubt my older siblings even know who I am. I'm always acting like they want me to or expect me to and I think that's what Sam does with Dean at times. Sam just goes along with Dean because it's easier than trying to fight him on things or explain how he feels. Most of the time, it seems that Dean doesn't care how Sam feels or what Sam wants. Dean thought he had to keep Sam on the straight and narrow. I thought that was kind of funny coming from Dean in Point Of No Return. Maybe the straight and narrow of hunting or something, but not with the law or life. Sam is the one that always wanted to earn money honestly instead of credit card fraud or hustling pool. Sam didn't like getting in trouble with the law and he even was going to become a lawyer and Dean thought it was fun or neat when they got arrested. Like he was proud of it or something. I loved that Dean.
I think I'm most like Sam because Sam said that he has something inside of him and he catches glimpses of it. Like he goes too far or he would if he was pushed. I think I would too. If someone pushed certain buttons of mine, I don't know what I'd do and sometimes I'm afraid of that. I have darkness inside of me and I've faced that darkness. I know who I am and what I could be capable of, if push came to shove. I don't think my family even knows that about me. I try to be a good person and to do the right thing and I always will because I do believe in God. I don't think Sam ever stopped believing in God. That's just my opinion because we've never heard lately what Sam has thought about God, only Dean. We know that Sam used to pray to God and who says God never answered his prayers. Maybe God was watching over him and it's funny because Dean never had any faith that there was a God and that's why he always thought he had to protect Sam and no one else.

I just know that I love Sam's character because Sam always tries to fight that evil inside of him and turn it into something good. He might use evil to fight evil, but maybe sometimes that's what you have to do, especially in the Supernatural world of TV. Sam has always been caring and kind and if Sam was a real person, I'd let him in my door if he came around. Dean on the other hand, I'd be wary of. Sam just has a way of looking at people with his big puppy dog eyes and you just want to let him in and you trust him. I love how Dean told that couple in Scarecrow, that if his brother was there, he'd look at them with his puppy dog eyes and they'd believe him. Sam has that kind of power and that's the most important one of all.

I've loved a whole lot of characters on TV in the last 30 some years I've been watching and I think Sam Winchester tops my list of my favorite of all characters ever. He's no. 1 on my list and it's a really long long list. I've loved a whole lot of TV shows and a whole ton of characters on all those shows. I'm grateful and I love Jared for playing Sam for the past five seasons of the show.

I'm sure I had more to write, but most of the time, it goes out of my head before I can write it all down.

These Pics Are Funny As Hell

I love these pics. Sam doesn't even look like Sam, but he's hot. Then Dean looks mean as always. I love how idiots think Dean is the good brother and Sam is the bad brother. Yes, Sam is bad for saving the world and helping people and fighting evil. That makes me laugh. Dean is the good brother for making deal a with a demon for Sam's soul and going to hell and torturing. Dean has helped evil all along and still doesn't get it. I wonder when he'll ever learn, probably never.
Then stupid fans who think Sam needs to be saved or redeemed. Redeemed for what? What has Sam done that's been so wrong? He's killed demons, monsters and became Lucifer's vessel to save the world and he needs to be redeemed. What has Dean done? Nothing as far as I'm concerned. All Dean has done is lose faith in God, Sam and himself. Now, Dean thinks he needs to watch and protect Sam again like he's a child or something. Sam's been without a soul for a year and where the hell was Dean. Playing house with Lisa and Ben. Then Dean doesn't even care about them, because if he did, he'd be going to Lisa to talk to her and not calling her. I think it's funny that Dean thinks Sam doesn't know right from wrong again. When the hell has Dean ever known right from wrong. If Sam was dangerous, then he'd be raping women instead of paying them for sex. He'd be out killing people, instead of monsters. He would be stealing and doing all kinds of things. Sam still has a brain, but I wonder about Dean's. So many of his brain cells are probably gone from all the booze he's consumed and he thinks he's the smarter brother. Sam might not have a soul, but Dean does and he said that Sam was acting like him. Crazy, is what it is.

All evil will see the light. Who knows what that means, but I highly doubt it's the light of Dean Winchester when he's darker than Sam. Dean has light behind him and Sam has a white snake on his arm and a red shirt on. Here's what I think they mean. I think Sam symbolizes free will and Dean symbolizes paradise. Not evil and good or dark or light. Sam was Lucifer's vessel and what did Lucifer end up giving humans, but free will. Dean was Michael's vessel and he wanted paradise and peace or something. I'll take free will over paradise any day. What price is paradise? I love how Sam has always been able to stand on his own and Dean always has to cling to someone or follow someone.
Did Dean want freedom and free will or peace and paradise? What did he have with Lisa? It seems like Dean just went along with that life and that he wasn't truly happy with it because is that what Dean really wanted. If Dean wanted it so badly, he would've went back to Lisa and Ben and tried to be with them. He's just given up on it.

I still wonder about Sam. Is that even Sam at all? We were already lied to. They said it was a hundred percent Sam and that was a lie because if it was, he would've had his soul. I wonder if that isn't an angel posing as Sam and Sam is somewhere else being kept safe or something. It's just a theory I was thinking about. Probably wrong, but I love to think up new ones. I was thinking it could be any angel looking like Sam, maybe Gabriel or another angel helping Castiel. I was wondering if Castiel doesn't know more than he's letting Dean know and he's trying to find out what's going on. With all the weapons disappearing from Heaven and all the other stuff going on. Then I think about Sam under that streetlight and it going out. Was that just the writer's messing with everyone or was that when the angel came that's posing as Sam or was there an angel with Sam watching Dean.
I still don't think Sam went to hell at all or at least I'm hoping that. Even if Sam didn't have a soul, he'd be able to remember something. If Dean did, then Sam should be able to.

I love the picture with Sam standing in the middle and Dean and Castiel on both sides of him. What does that picture mean? Why is Sam in the middle of the picture? I still wonder if Sam isn't the balance between good and evil. It's seems that he's had both inside of him and he's been able to fight the evil that's been in him and do good. He used demon powers to either send demons back to hell or kill them. So he turned that into something useful against evil. He used evil to fight evil and destroy it. I think that's who Sam is? I could be wrong. Who knows what's going on or what those crazy writer's are thinking? I love to think about it. I sometimes get tired of the mystery and idiot fans fighting over which brother is good or evil. They're both good and hopefully we'll see that. Or we'll see something else. I'm still waiting for the writer's to deal with Dean's issues that have been going on forever. Dean's character is getting boring and I'm getting pissed off about it. I'm tired of Dean constantly thinking he has to save Sam or that Sam is the evil he has to destroy or kill or whatever. I guess I just hate Dean's attitude towards Sam. I thought Dean learned that love is what mattered and that maybe he'd have compassion finally for his brother, but that's still hasn't happened. I don't care if Sam has a soul or not. Dean has one and what does it look like. I think Dean needs to take a good hard look at himself and then see why he'll end up alone or why no one wants to be with him. He needs to love himself and be able to forgive himself for the things he's done, not what Sam has done. I don't think Dean has forgiven himself for breaking the first seal, for torturing souls in hell and for not stopping Sam from breaking the last seal. Dean probably blames himself and has put all of it on Sam and poor Sam just takes it like always. I still think when Dean punched Sam in You Can't Handle The Truth, he was punching himself and angry at himself and not Sam. Sam didn't do anything. Yeah, he let Dean be turned into a vampire, but what of it. Dean ended up being cured and Sam hasn't done anything to Dean. I love the stupid fans that think Dean should be afraid of Sam. If Sam wanted to hurt or kill Dean, he's had plenty of time to do it. Why would Sam want to hurt Dean in the first place? I just don't get that either. I think a lot of fans just want Sam to be the bad brother or the wrong one so that Dean looks good or he's right all the time. That's just a crock of shit and I get tired of reading the crap. I may joke about Dean, but I don't go all over the internet and say how rotten and horrible he is and that Sam should beat the crap out of him or kill him like some Dean fans say Dean should do that to Sam. Like Sam deserves to be beaten up by Dean for what.

I think some fans forget that Sam and Dean are not children and they're grown men. Sam is a grown up and he does not have to do whatever Dean tells him to do. Like Dean knows everything and Sam should just follow along like he's brainless and doesn't know anything and Dean knows it all. Dean has been wrong countless times and he's lucky he had Sam there when he screwed up. Same goes for Sam. If Sam never knew right from wrong or good from evil, then he would've been evil long ago and Dean would've probably been dead. If Sam or Dean didn't want to be with each other, then all they'd have to do is either kill each other, stop sacrificing themselves for each other or go their separate ways. I just wish the writer's would come up with some fresh storylines and something fresh for Dean's character. Sam has had how much happen with his character, but Dean has stayed static and is now getting boring already. Dean went to hell and came back and acted the same way he always did. He might have cried more, but that's about it. Otherwise, there has been no character development with Dean and he seems to be going backward again. Sam on the other hand just gets more interesting. First he learned he had powers, then he found out others were like him. He died and Dean brought him back to life and he found out Azazel had some plan for him to be a leader of a demon army. Ruby came along and made Sam's story more interesting because she wanted to help him. Then in season 4, Sam was more interesting, but we hardly got to see anything so we could see Dean crying or doing nothing. Sam was drinking demon blood and using his powers. Who knows what powers he really had and we'll probably never know? Then season 5, we found out he was Lucifer's vessel and that added more to his character. Dean has just been Dean and only Dean. Sure he was supposed to be Michael's vessel, but who cares? That whole crap was boring and then this crap with Lisa and Ben. Boring. It would be nice to see some other side to Dean or something. I caught a glimpse of it, but who knows if we'll get to see more or not.

Wow this is long, but who cares?

What's The Deal With Vampires?

Vampires are great and I've loved them for years. I remember back when I was a kid and Salem's Lot came out. I loved that vampire movie and it scared the crap out of me. I was scared that some kid was going to come knocking or scraping on my window to get in. Plus I was in love with David Soul.

Now vampires are everywhere you look. I think it has to do with the success of Stephenie Meyers books, but vampire have always been hot for years. Anne Rice has written some of the best vamp books out there. And I totally love Maggie Shayne's vamp books. She knows vamp romance and writes way better than Stephanie Meyers. I like the Twilight series, but I don't think they're that great. I remember reading the first book and I forgot I even read it. I started to read it and then remembered it. The Vampire Diaries books were even better than the Twilight books. I've been reading The House Of Night series and they've been very good so far. I just finished reading the fourth book.

I love Vampire Diaries on TV and I'm glad it's a TV show. I think the show has just gotten better and better. It was pretty good last year and now this year it's hotter than ever. I love that all the characters are becoming involved in what's happening and they're using them to the best advantage they can. I'm starting to enjoy watching Vamp Diaries more than Supernatural and that's sad. I'm still obsessed with Supernatural, but I don't think I love it as much as I used to. They're just making it too strange and mysterious to watch. I love Jared and Jensen and I love watching them, so that's why I'm still watching and will continue to. Unless it gets even more crazy than it's been and then I don't know anymore. At least, I still love what's happening on Vamp Diaries and things aren't crazy yet on it.

I love vampires and always have. I think a lot of people do and that's why they are popular right now and have been in the past. They are romantic, frightening, evil, sexy and a whole lot more.

Family Matters

It's funny that both Smallville and Supernatural both had family matters. Smallville was about Lois and her family mainly and I actually enjoyed the episode. Some parts were really funny and I just loved seeing Clark smile like he used to. It's kind of like the Lois and Clark show now, but I don't mind because I'm enjoying it too much. It's the final season and they're probably giving fans what they want to see and you're seeing plenty of Clark. This season probably has the least main characters ever. I'm surprised at that. I still miss Chloe and hope to see her soon.

Now for Supernatural. I liked Family Matters and that we got a few answers to some questions, but now there are even more questions. Where is Sam's soul and how can he be walking around without a soul? I still think that's a mystery. How can Crowley have Sam's soul and especially if he never sold his soul to him? Dean sold his soul and made a deal for Sam and now Dean supposedly has his soul. I just don't get that at all. Castiel and how many other angels helped bust Dean out of hell, but how did Dean get out of his contract? Is he out of his contract or does someone still own his soul and gave it back to him for a while and for a purpose? Like Crowley maybe. I still think he's the one that held Dean's contract and not Lilith. Crowley was the King Of The Crossroads, so I bet every deal went through him and he holds all the contracts.
I liked seeing Christian and Gwen Campbell again. I liked seeing the Campbell's period. I wonder when Christian was possessed. Now we know that Gram pa Campbell has his soul and he's helping Crowley, but for what reason?
As for Sam and Dean. I just don't know anymore. I hope Sam doesn't become Dean's lap dog now. Dean telling Sam what to do because Sam can't tell right from wrong and Dean can. That's just laughable. Dean who trusted Crowley to begin with and now he's telling Sam stuff. I hate to say it, but soul less Sam is better than Dean with a soul. I liked how Sam untied the ropes binding him to that chair and I still wonder if Sam still isn't something more than just human. Crowley is looking for purgatory, but how do we know if Sam hasn't been there before. We never got to see him with a reaper, so what if he went to purgatory before Dean made the deal for him to come back. Sam has been called a freak and look at all the stuff he's done. He's drank demon blood and been a vessel for Lucifer, so maybe he's just like all the creatures and monsters and if they go to purgatory, maybe that's where Sam will go or has been before. It's all really confusing to think about right now. Sometimes I just don't even want to think about it at all.

Tonight I watched Mystery Spot because I wanted to see Sam and Dean and how I loved them the most. I think season 3 was the last time that we got to see Sam and Dean acting like real brothers and who knows when we'll ever see them like that again. I don't think they've felt right since the fourth season started to now. Dean constantly mistrusts Sam and now it's happening all over again because Sam doesn't have a soul. With or without one, Dean would still not trust him and that makes me angry. Sam always trusts Dean, but Dean can't trust Sam. Dean can trust Castiel, Crowley and how many others and he's right to do it, but Sam trusts anyone and he's wrong and evil or something. I just hope we don't see Sam doing everything Dean tells him to do like some robot or something. I'll be pissed about that, if it happens.

I've been listening to my Vampire Diaries soundtrack. I just love the songs on there and especially the one called Down. I love new music and I try to find all the new music that I can. I still love all the classic music that's played on Supernatural, but sometimes it hurts to listen to those songs. They remind me of things and the past and I get sucked back in time or something. I start to cry because I just want to find a time machine and jump in it and go back to when those songs were playing on the radio and on my record player. I like new music because it doesn't remind me of the past so much and there are a lot of good singers and bands out there right now.

I've needed to listen to music right now because it's like a drug. This last week, my mom and I got a new roof put on our house and we're going to get some other stuff done like doors, windows and siding. Then my stupid sinuses have been killing me and my teeth. I just want to rip this one wisdom tooth out myself, but how much of it's stuck under my gum because my mouth is too tiny. Wisdom teeth do not give you wisdom, they're just a pain and a headache. I hate going to the dentist, but now I don't have a choice. I should just get all my teeth pulled out of my head and get dentures. I wish I could afford dental implants, but I'm not rich. They'd be nice and I'd have wonderful and beautiful teeth. Something I've never had. I guess that's enought whining about myself and my stupid teeth. I have to whine about it somewhere.

This is a long post, but I don't care. I haven't been in the mood to write lately. It might have something to do with not sleeping enough or that I'm depressed. I don't know. I've been playing with my little Sammy and Co to cheer me up and they always do that. It's scary that they can. I'd go on a message board, but I'm not going to deal with that crap again. I swear it's like when I was in High School or something. There's always some bitch that wants to start something with you over nothing. I'm over it. I'm just going to keep to myself for a while, just like I've done all my life. Sometimes it's better that way.

Vampire Diaries And Lauren Cohan

Tonight's Vampire Diaries was one of the best yet. I loved seeing Lauren Cohan as Rose on there. It was great to see her on the CW again and one of my favorite shows. I still miss seeing her as Bela on Supernatural. I always wished she would come back, but I doubt it. It looks like her character will be on again, so I get to see her some more on Vamp Diaries. I get to see Katie on Gossip Girl. I'm just glad these two actresses are doing so well and I get to see them on my other shows.

I love Vampire Diaries because the show can really make all the characters into three dimensional characters that I love. I love them all. I want to see them and all their storylines. It's not just about Stephan, Damon and Elena, but all the other characters as well. I like how we get to see things from both Stephan's and Damon's side and not just one or the other like on Supernatural with Sam and Dean. It seems like all we get to see anymore is Dean and Dean's side to everything. How Dean is feeling and how everything affects him, but nothing for Sam? It's been almost that way for two years running now and it's getting old. Sure you have some Sam every once in a while and the writer's throw out a bone to us Sam fans and that's about all we get. It would be nice if we finally got some really good Sam insight and storyline for a change. With more focus on Sam and less on Dean for once. That would be nice, but I highly doubt it will ever happen. Every Dean fan would freak out of their minds and go ballistic or something.

I just got my Vampire Diaries soundtrack tonight and Stephan's Diary which is a new book. I also got my Supernatural season 5 book that I've been waiting months for.
I just hope Vampire Diaries doesn't take Supernatural's place as my favorite show. I don't think it will, but I'm getting tired of just watching Dean's story and that's it. I want more. I want to see some real females on Supernatural and not whining and crying ones who need someone to save them. They don't even have to be main or recurring characters, but it would be nice to see some females and not just all males. I love men, but I like to see woman too. I love Vampire Diaries because they have such a wide range of interesting female characters as well as male and they all make the show even better when they interact.

Supernatural is on tomorrow and it better blow me away already. I'm getting sick of Dean always thinking Sam is some kind of monster or someone who is out to make his life hell or something. Dean did bring Sam back to life with the stupid deal he made, so now he can just live with Sam and the choice he made already. I just want more for Supernatural because I love it and Sam and Dean and I'm getting so frustrated already with everything. I love the show, but my other shows are getting better and I'm losing some of my faith in it.

Dean Winchester And Other Stuff

Here's what I think about Dean Winchester right now. I still think Dean is a hunter through and through. He was raised by John to be a hunter at a young age. Who knows what age it was that John started to train him? I doubt it was when he was four, but I bet it was when he turned like six or seven for sure. A lot of fans believe that Dean raised Sam by himself. Dean did take care of Sam and protect him, but he wasn't the only one. There was Bobby, Pastor Jim and who knows who else that helped raise him besides John. It wasn't just all Dean raising Sam. I still think a part of Dean resents Sam and is angry at Sam because of the fact that Dean didn't get a life because he was always watching out for Sam. That was Dean's whole life for years. It was taking care of and protecting Sam. That was Dean's job and he did it well. Dean thought he failed when Sam was killed by Jake and went to go and make that deal because he didn't want to fail at his job of taking care of Sam. That's mainly why I think Dean made the deal and he didn't want to live alone without Sam because Sam was his whole life.
I sometimes wonder about the deal Dean made. Dean sold his soul for Sam, but not Sam's soul. Did Sam have a choice whether to go back into his body or not? If Sam went to Heaven, how do we know that the angels there didn't tell Sam things and that's why he came back. Of course they made Sam forget everything because Sam didn't remember anything at all. Plus we never saw Sam with a reaper at all. I still wish we'd find out why we never got to see Sam with a reaper. Why did the crossroads demon tell Sam that they didn't want his soul in hell, only Dean's? That's when Sam tried to exchange himself for Dean and go to hell for him. Now who knows where Sam's soul went. Did he go to Heaven? If Sam went to hell, then how did his body end up on earth and his soul in hell. I still think Sam and his body never went to hell at all. I think Lucifer and Michael went, but not Sam or Adam.
Back to Dean. Fans want to believe that Dean is so loving and cares so deeply about people. I've never thought that about Dean ever. Dean has always been about hunting. You watch him in the first couple of seasons and how he acts. When he gets excited about the first sawed off shot gun he made and he tells about the perks of the job and he means shooting guns. I think Dean does love the hunt and he does love to kill. What is Dean killing though? He's not going around killing people, he's killing monsters and evil things that want to hurt other people. I still can see him beating on that ghoul and just the look on his face. He was still beating and beating on the ghoul when Sam said his name and he finally went to help Sam. I think since Dean went to hell, he's been denying the part of himself that likes to kill and hunt because he's afraid of that part. He tortured souls in hell and loved doing it and it made all his pain go away. Maybe that's what hunting has done for him. When he hunts monsters and kills them, then the pain of losing people he loves goes away. The pain of losing his mom and dad and the normal life he wanted to live.
Dean does bury all his emotions and then drinks to try forget about it. Emotions are more than just crying and being sad. Emotions are anger too. Dean is probably angry about things himself and he tries to bury it. He told Sam to bury all that crap and that's what keeps them going. Maybe that's what made Dean such a bad ass hunter. He focuses on the hunt and doesn't let his emotions get in the way.
Look how the truth goddess brought out what Dean was lying to himself about. Dean saw himself in Sam. Sam was acting emotionless and you found out he didn't have a soul and he's just a hunting machine and that's what Dean has been for years. Dean told that's who Sam was acting like, himself. Dean just can't face the part of him that loves to kill and the part that maybe enjoys it. It is a part of him, but not all of who Dean is. You have to love everything about yourself to be whole and Dean will never be whole until he accepts that part of himself. Even Lisa told Dean the truth about himself and that he buries everything and then drinks.
Dean constantly talked about having a hole inside of him and that hole is that part of Dean that likes to hunt and kill. Dean doesn't want to accept it and he'll never be able to live his life until he does or be a whole person. That's why Dean came back from hell and acted so weak because he tried to leave that part of himself in hell because he couldn't face it.
I think Dean beat the crap out of Sam in You Can't Handle The Truth because he wasn't thinking about Sam but himself. It was like Dean was looking and beating himself and not Sam. He saw himself and how he acts by watching Sam doing what he was doing.
I do think Dean is a very complex character. I don't think he's evil or wrong or bad. Dean never got the chance to grow up and experience all the wonders of a normal childhood and that affected Dean in many different ways. I love Dean's character because I can tell Dean does feel strongly about all kinds of things. Even though Dean can't tell anyone he loves them, it's not like he doesn't. He's just afraid to because he's afraid to lose them or they'll leave him. His mother left him, his father left him and so did Sam. They all left him at some point. I think Dean is afraid of being alone and that's another reason he made the deal for Sam. He didn't want to be alone or be left alone.
As for Dean ever being a family man. I think Dean went through the motions of living a normal life with Lisa and I don't think he was ever truly happy at any point. I think that Dean could have a normal life one day and that he could be a great father and husband, but that's only if Dean can accept everything about himself first. Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself and I don't think Dean ever has. Maybe Dean can't forgive himself for what he did in hell and breaking the first seal. And he has low self worth or no self worth at all and if he never finds out who he is and loves himself, he'll never have self worth. It doesn't matter if he saves Sam, other people or the whole world. The one person Dean needs to save the most is himself. He needs to accept that part of him that he doesn't want to. It is a part of him and a very important one that he needs to be whole. Once he accepts that, then the hole inside of him will be filled and maybe he won't feel dead.

This is just how I feel right now about Dean and what's happening. I could be right about some things and I'm probably wrong about some stuff too. I just love both Sam and Dean and Supernatural. I love to think about both Sam and Dean and why they do what they do. I love them for who they are. That's why I don't like going on certain message boards and reading all the crap. I love how some fans think the writer's can't write Sam and Dean properly or they're writing the characters the wrong way. They're the writers and some of them have been writing Sam and Dean since the show started. I think they know them more than the fans do. The fans just want Sam and Dean to be who they want them to be and not who they really are and that's sad. I think the writer's have done a great job of writing both characters and I love them both. I love all the other characters that have come and gone on the show too.