Back To Work

I'm going back to work tomorrow and part of me is happy and the other part of me is wishing I was off for longer. I hate going back to work at the start of every new season because I have to take refresher training on the crap that I've been doing for over 20 years. Like I could ever forget anything. They treat us like idiots that can't remember anything and we've only been gone for a month and a half. If something has changed in the work I do, then it's okay to train for a little bit on it, but if it hasn't changed hardly at all, it's a big waste of time and money. My employer likes to waste time and money I guess. I just can't stand being bored for eight hours and I want to just start working and doing what I do. I love how some people want me to change jobs and they think I'll be happy doing something else. I love typing and listening to music and not having to stress about anything and that's what my job is. The only time I have stress at work, is when I have to deal with idiots that think I don't know my job or the whiners that whine about everything. They think the work is too hard and that we have to type to much an hour. There are a lot of lazy people where I work and they seem to get lazier all the time. The funny thing is, I do my best work and I don't even have to try to and they act like the work is so hard and they're trying their hardest. It's just a lie because they want to talk, go out to smoke, sleep or something other than work.
I hope I get my days off for the Convention and that there won't be a problem and that we won't be too busy when that time is. Sometimes we get a ton of work in and they think everyone should be there and not take a day off at all. I love my work, but I need time off too for fun. When I'm at work, it's all work and when I play it's all play. I never mix the two.

I went to go look at some things around the Internet and I read some crap about Jared. I love how some people have to try to knock Jared's acting to make Jensen look like a better actor than he is. Jared to me is the better actor of the two and has been since the show started. Jared can play different characters on Supernatural and in his movies. He does not let the role of Sam Winchester define him as an actor. Jensen on the other hand is defined by the role of Dean Winchester. I worry about Jensen's acting career when Supernatural is over. He's played Dean so well, that will anyone want to see him as any other character in a show or a movie. It's funny that we've never seen Jensen play any other character in the last five and a half seasons of Supernatural, but Dean. To me, the mark of a great actor is the variety of roles they can play and make believable. Look at Johnny Depp and Nicholas Cage. I can watch them play a wide range of roles and love them in every one. That's how I picture Jared after Supernatural. I can see him playing how many different roles and being great at them, just like he's done for the last how many years. He's played how many different characters on Supernatural and made them believable and he's been in how many different movie roles. I'd love to see Jensen actually play a different character just once on Supernatural and to see him have a starring role in a movie and have a totally different character persona than Dean. I'd love to see Jensen playing any other kind of role besides Dean just to see how he is at it and then I'd know and be able to say that Jensen is as good as Jared. That's why I love Jared more and think he's a better actor and that's because I can watch him play any character and love him. I love him as Sam Winchester, but I love him as all the characters he's been in other TV shows and movies.

I'm too lazy to post in my other thread about Sammy and Co. They've been playing in their hospital rooms and pretending to be doctor's, nurse's, surgeon's and patient's. I always wanted to work in a hospital. I was seriously considering becoming a nurse, but I read a book about a real nurse and decided I'd never be able to do some of the things nurses have to do. I love medical stuff though and I love reading medical books. It's kind of crazy. I should have looked into other medical professions that didn't have a lot of patient contact. Oh, well. I've always wanted to be a writer, a skater, a veterinarian, an actress, a teacher and how many other things. Now I just sit at my job and dream about being something else. I guess what I really am is a dreamer and I love to dream. The best part of dreaming is when you're in the middle of one. Everything is perfect. Nothing ever goes right in real life and what you dream could end up being a nightmare if it comes true. I think I'd rather just dream about certain things without them ever coming true, but in my dreams.

The New Year So Far

It's only been four days into the new year and what a four days it's been. I went to the gambling town for New Year's day with my family. I had fun, but I lost a lot of money because my one sister brought her bank card with her. I was smart enough to leave mine at home, but then I borrowed money from her. I've got to face the facts that I'm just a loser. I haven't won any good money for a long time now and I've tried to not gamble at all. I don't mind when I lose a little money, it's when I lose a lot that it becomes a problem. I used to gamble a whole lot more than I do now. I hardly ever go. I remember a time when I went with my Mom and other family members two and three days a week. I sometimes go once or twice a month now and sometimes I'll end up not going for months at a time.

I found out what my computer problem was. It was my ancient modem for my internet. It finally gave out and I had to get a new one because it wasn't even worth it to keep the old one. It lasted two years and it was one of the first modems Cricket had. I have Cricket and I'll never call the customer service number again. I called it twice and got two different answers to the same question. They tried to tell me that I used up all my giga-bites and that's why my internet was slow. That was a crock of shit because I've never had a slow computer or internet before and I've been on the computer for hours. Who the hell even knew how many giga-bites I had or could use? I was just thinking what the hell is a giga-bite. I've had Cricket for two years now and never had a problem. I had to go to the store and there was finally someone there that knew what the hell was going on and helped fix it for me. I ended up getting a new account and everything.

On Sunday I didn't get to see my little Sammy and it almost killed me. I know I'm crazy for loving an electronic cat, but I can't help it. I see little Sammy and all is right with the world. When I don't see him, the world is ugly and gray and I'm depressed. I love all my other little demons, but not as much as my little Sammy. It's hospital week in Pet Society and I've been waiting for this. I love hospitals and medical stuff. Little Sammy got all kinds of fun stuff to play with and he's so cute to watch.

I've been watching old episodes of Supernatural and going through all the previous seasons and not any episodes in any order. I've just been watching my favorites and ones that I don't watch that often. I like doing that. I also got an old favorite TV show of mine on DVD. It's Scarecrow and Mrs. King. I just loved that show and I still love watching it now. It's funny to watch some of those episodes and see how different things were back in the 80's. I was a teenager when this show was on and I remember loving Bruce Boxleitner. He got married to Melissa Gilbert from Little House On The Prairie. I think they're still married and I hope they stay that way. I still remember watching Melissa on Little House as Laura. I have some of those episodes too that I watch and it comes on public TV here. That show was one of the best shows ever for anyone to watch. It had values and morals and showed what could happen if people helped each other and stayed together.

I can't wait for the L.A. Con and it's getting closer and closer. I went on the site and seen they added Mark Sheppard and now I can't wait to see him. I loved him playing Crowley. He's been one of my favorite demons on the show so far. I kind of wish I was going to the San Francisco Con because Corin is going to be there and Jared and Genevieve are going to be at the concert on Saturday. If I had the money, I would have tried to get tickets just to sit at their table and meet Genevieve. I just don't understand why Genevieve is never at one of the conventions as a star. I would love it if I could get her autograph and I'd get a photo with her too. I'd love for Lauren Cohan and Katie Cassidy to be at a convention too. It will probably never happen. These three women helped make Supernatural be a great show and they played main stars on the show and they should be at a convention. It sucks that we'll probably never get to see any of them on stage or anything.

Well, that's it for now. The year didn't start off too great because I didn't have my internet, but it's getting better. I guess I found out that I can't live without the internet for long or I can't live without my little Sammy for too long.

My Favorite TV Character Of 2010 Is Sam Winchester

My favorite TV character for 2010 is Sam Winchester. That's not a surprise because he's been my favorite character on TV since Supernatural started. I'd say so far that he's my all time favorite too. I've loved a lot of TV characters over the years and Sam tops my list. I hate to say it, but Dean falls way down like into the 50's or 60's on my list. I really don't have a list, but if I made one, I know that Dean would fall down under a whole ton of characters. As brothers, Sam and Dean are still my favorites followed closely by A.J. and Rick Simon, The Hardy Boys and the new Salvatore brothers. I'm sure there are some other brother duos, but I can't think of them right now. I've watched too much TV over the years and I'm how old and I can't recall everything I've ever watched. I'd say that TV for me has been pretty good the last couple of years and that's thanks to the WB and CW. I hardly ever watch any other channel because I'm tired of finding a show on another network and it being cancelled after a few episodes for one reason or another. Stupid reasons besides.

I haven't been able to use my computer a lot right now because my Internet connection is low. I don't know why. I just know it started on Christmas Eve and hasn't improved. I don't know what's causing it. I can hardly do anything. I usually have to wait anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour to see my little Sammy and my other demons. Those games on Facebook take forever to load without a strong connection. I can only do a few things on Farmville and it's starting to make me mad. I love Farmville and Pet Society and I can hardly play them right now. I can hardly go on message boards or even do e-mail. I'm surprised that my blog loaded. It took about fifteen minutes. I guess its a good thing that I haven't been able to be on my computer that much. I remember the days when I didn't even have a computer at all. I've been reading more books lately instead. I've also started watching Supernatural from the 1st season. I love the first season because Sam and Dean seemed to act more like brothers in it. They didn't hug and say words of love to each other, but there were certain things that they did say and do that told you that they loved each other. I liked that they both had issues with each other. Sam didn't like being bossed around by Dean and Dean was really insecure about things. I wish Dean would let Sam be his own person and hopefully that will happen now that Sam has his soul back. Dean needs to learn who Sam really is and not who he wants Sam to be.

I can't wait for my shows to all come back on, but right now I can watch movies, repeats of all my shows and read some good books. I sometimes like a little break from TV. This is a long break, but to me it's going by fast. I can't believe that it's almost the new year. Where did the last year go? 2010 was a great year for me. I got to go to the Supernatural Convention in L.A., Washington D.C., and to see my nieces in Reno twice. I had fun and I can't wait for Feb for the next Supernatural Convention. I just hope the weather isn't too bad at that time. It's finally been snowing here and sometimes we get a ton of snow and other times hardly any. As long as we get it in the mountains, it doesn't matter to me whether it's down here in the valley or not.

One other thing about Jensen. I think I know why he keeps his hair so short. It's probably so some crazy fan can't pull his hair out because he's hardly got any to pull on. I sometimes feel sorry for Jensen because of all the loonies out there that are obsessed with him and think he's Dean and not Jensen. I swear some people can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Jensen does not seem like he'd be like Dean at all and I don't get where anyone would think he was. I think some fans are so in love with the character of Dean that they don't care about Jensen at all. They're just crazy. I think Jensen should be more like Jared. I'd probably never recognize Jared if I walked by him on the street. Jared would probably have facial hair and one of those knit caps on and I'd think he was a bum or something and walk right by him. Or, he'd have his hoodie on or something. Jensen stands out too much because he looks the same as he does on the show, where Jared sometimes doesn't.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, my stupid computer or Internet will work properly again sometime soon.

Christmas Eve

Today I went to my sister's for dinner. It was a little family get together. It was nice that I got to spend some time with a few of my family members. I'm sad because this was the first year that my family didn't have a Christmas Eve party. We've always had one since I was a little girl. We had food, exchanged gifts and played games. I still remember all the years past and I cherish the memories of all those Christmas Eve's and everyone I shared them with. My one sister went to Mexico for Christmas with her friend and her two kids. This is the first Christmas that she hasn't spent here. For the last two years we had the party at her house. My mom and I didn't even put up a tree. I wanted to, but my Mom didn't because of the windows being installed. I think we could have moved the tree, but I didn't want to fight with her. We didn't get any snow down here in the valley where I live, but the mountains have plenty. It's cold, but that's it. I wish it would have at least snowed a little for Christmas.
My oldest sister and I went to see Narnia:The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader and I just got home a few hours ago. I had a good time and I'm glad I got to see this movie. It seems like I hardly get to the movies lately. I've wanted to see movies, but sometimes I just don't find the time to go. I've loved all three of the Narnia movies so far.

I watched A Very Supernatural Christmas again last night. I am obsessed with Supernatural and I watched Appointment in Samarra again too. I wanted to see it again just to see those scenes with Bobby and Sam. I still don't get Dean. Does he even know Sam at all. He just thinks Sam should be good and sweet and want certain things. Who knows what Sam really wants because we never get to know what he's thinking and it seems like Dean doesn't care most of the time what Sam wants. I think if Death had not shown up, Dean would have killed soulless Sam, just because of what he said. He told Bobby that he couldn't keep doing this and I think he was considering killing Sam. I don't know why Dean thinks Sam is so dangerous. And not just Sam without his soul. Dean has locked up Sam in that panic room when he had his soul, so I just don't understand. Dean thought Sam was dangerous because he wanted revenge on Lilith who was a demon and Dean did not know at the time that killing her would break the last seal. Dean thought Sam was dangerous when he drank demon blood and killed Famine who was a horseman that would have killed how many people. So, how was Sam a danger to anyone, but evil creatures. Then soulless Sam only tried to kill Bobby because he didn't want his soul back and he was willing to do anything not to have it.
I still think Death purposely showed Dean what happens when you mess with Death and the natural order of things. Dean has messed with Death how many times now. Maybe that's why everyone dies all the time around both Sam and Dean because Death won't be cheated. Tessa told Dean that the little girl if she stayed alive would only cause chaos and death all around her. It made me think of Sam. Maybe Sam wasn't supposed to be born or be alive and that's why everyone dies around him and has since he was a baby. I still wonder if Sam isn't half angel or half demon. Jesse the kid that was half demon and half human was hidden from angels and demons. What if the same thing applies to Sam? Maybe Azazel gave Sam and the other psychic kids blood, so that he could find them when it was time and to keep track of them. The demons lost track of Jesse and they didn't know where he was because the mom gave him up for adoption. It's just something I've thought of, but I doubt it is. I doubt the writer's will ever explain why Sam was special. I hope they do, but I've resigned myself to the fact that they probably won't.

I also think Dean needs to realize that soulless Sam was still Sam or a part of him. Does and can Dean accept Sam for who and what he is? Sam isn't perfect and he's not sweet and innocent either. He's done things that he's felt guilty about with his soul, let alone without it. What led Sam to drinking demon blood in the first place and to Sam listening to Ruby? Dean's deal for Sam's life. Dean probably wasn't supposed to die after his father gave up his life for him. Dean knocked over a huge domino when he made the deal for Sam to be brought back to life and look at all the deaths that resulted from it. Maybe that was supposed to be Sam's time to die and maybe that's why we never got to see him with a reaper. So we would not know what happened or where Sam's soul went. Dean brought Sam back to life and he probably wasn't supposed to be alive and how many people died because of it and the apocalypse started because of Dean's choice. I love how fans want to put all the blame on Sam for all kinds of crap and Sam was dead. Dean made the choice to bring Sam back to life, not Sam. Dean is responsible for everything that has happened since he made that deal and maybe deep down Dean knows this and that's why he's been treating Sam the way he has. I'm trying to figure it out. This is just my opinion, but I still think Dean saw in soulless Sam himself and he was afraid, not of Sam but of himself and what he did. Dean said that soulless Sam was acting like him and Dean has always had low self esteem and self worth. I still think when he beat the crap out of Sam, he wasn't angry at Sam, but at himself. When soulless Sam was around, it was like Dean was with himself and he could not stand it because I still think Dean doesn't like himself and who he is. Dean doesn't have any self respect, so he has no respect for anyone or anything, even Death. I don't know. I said I hated Dean, but that's not true. I still love Dean and I'm still just trying to figure him out and understand him. I still want Dean to find self worth and to see Sam for who he is and not who Dean wants him to be.

I know I expect a lot from the show, but I'd love to see real brother moments between Sam and Dean, not fake crap. I want to see Sam and Dean having real conversations and getting to know each other better and what each of them want from each other. I don't want them to just pretend the last how many years didn't happen. That's stupid and unrealistic. I would not mind a few angry words between them as well as the good words. Sam's going to have his emotions back and that doesn't just mean the good ones.

I'm trying not to go on message boards right now. I've gone to the CW just to read a few things and to post a few posts, but that's it. I love reading some of the stuff posters write about. Most of it makes me laugh my butt off and makes me smile and feel good. I'm grateful to those people for that. The sad part is, that sometimes I read crap that makes me mad in between reading the good stuff. I mostly ignore it. I'm sick of some fans trying to make Dean into something he's not and never will be. The only way he'll be that way is in their loony imaginations and that's it. It's just scary sometimes to read some of that crap.

Well, I'm done for now. It's been a long day.

The Vampires Win And Other Things I Want To Post About

Vampire Diaries tops my list for my favorite show or at least for mid-season. I love how the Vampire Diaries has gotten better and better. I love that all the characters now have a part to play in the overall storyline. Now there's werewolves with the vampires and witches. I just love that and sometimes this show has more supernatural stuff than Supernatural does. I'm glad that Laura Cohan has guest starred as Rose and I hope we get to see more of her and that she doesn't get killed off too quickly. And Daniel Gillies coming on as the hot vampire Elijah. Wow! I just can't get enough of this show and the whole excellent cast. The whole Katherine storyline has been great and I appreciate Nina Dobrev for being able to play both Elena and Katherine and make it so believable. I love Vampire Diaries the most right now because it has all the elements that make a show great. Drama, hot guys, kick ass females, great music, fight scenes and romance.

One Tree Hill takes second place because I still love it so much and it's always heartwarming to watch. I loved how the season started and that Clay and Quinn were spirits walking around and that whole storyline. I never cared to watch them until I saw that and now I love them too. I love watching Brooke and Julian and can't wait for their wedding. I always love Nathan, Haley and little Jamie. They're the cutest family on TV. I loved seeing Dan for one episode and hope to see him again. I just adored the Thanksgiving episode and it was so fun to watch. Tree Hill still has plenty of drama, laughs, music and great characters.

Gossip Girl comes in third place because it had such a good storyline with the whole Juliet thing. I loved watching Katie Cassidy as Juliet and she just made the show even better to watch. I loved everything with Chuck and Blair so far and their relationship that's so full of ups and downs. I liked seeing Jenny come back for a few episodes and didn't think we'd see that much of her. This show always makes me laugh, cry and cheer at times. I also love everything that Gossip Girl says, it's just so funny and fits everything.

Smallville comes in fourth place because it's the final season and it's been great so far. I love the overall storyline and that there are stand alone episodes in the middle. It's great and I love all the guest stars that have been on so far. I missed one episode and I hope that I'll catch the repeat when it's on. Smallville has always consistently done a great job of entertaining me and it's still doing it, in it's tenth season. The show has never changed it's format and that's why I love it so much. I missed Chloe, but the rest of the cast have been great and so have the stories. I loved learning that Tess is Lionel Luthor's daughter. I've loved her character since the show started and I still love her. She can either be good or bad and that's what makes her so good. I still laugh, cry, scream and love Smallville and it never fails to entertain me.

Supernatural sadly comes in fifth place because of the stupid storyline for this season. I love some mystery, but when the whole show just keeps you wondering and waiting for answers and then you never get any. That just gets old and I'm tired of it. I liked watching Sam without his soul because you finally got to see an uninhibited Sam who's not so weighed down by guilt all the time. I liked Dean until the episode Family Matters and then now I can't stand his character at all. The show has been more of a comedy than anything this season and I'd love to see more drama with a little comedy thrown in not the other way around. Their have been two episodes that made my list of all time favs and they are Two And A Half Men and Clap Your Hands If You Believe. I probably would not have enjoyed this season as much without these two episodes. I loved them. I also loved Weekend At Bobby's because it had a good mix of drama and comedy. Castiel has been great in the few episodes he's been in and I liked all of them. The main reason I still love Supernatural is because it is still entertaining and makes me laugh, plus I love watching Jared play such a complex character that I still love so much. Hopefully the second half of the season will be better and Supernatural will come out on top for my favorite show.

Last but not least is Life Unexpected which looks like it's going to be cancelled. There is going to be only two more episodes and that't it. So, it had a 13 episode season. I still love watching this show, but it lost a little of it's charm. I didn't care for Lux and the teacher and that whole relationship. I thought it was sick. I liked watching Cate and Ryan and even when they had problems, they were still fun to watch. I liked Baze's character a lot more than I did the first season and it's been fun to watch him. This show still made me smile, laugh, cry and feel good.

I love all my shows and I love them for various reasons. I just rated them because I felt like it. Vampire Diaries entertained me the most out of all of them. Of course, Supernatural is my obsession and I rate it hard because I love it so much and I expect more from it. I'm hoping that all my shows are great for their next 11 episodes.


On a personal note. Yesterday my Mom and I got new windows put in. I had to clean most of my room so that they could get to the windows to replace them. I cleaned out five big trash bags of trash. I'm a slob and I know it. I was bitching and swearing because I didn't even know what to do with some of my crap. I threw a ton of stuff away. I found two TV Guide's with Smallville on the cover. I wonder how many times they made the cover and Supernatural finally got a cover because of the fans. That just sucks. Both Smallville and Supernatural have been great shows and I still can't believe it took that long for Supernatural to finally get a cover. I also found a magazine I had with Jared in it. He was 21 or 22 years old. There was a lot of cute pics of him in it. I have a ton of magazines that I've been keeping and I want to keep all my sci-fi and movie ones. I just need somewhere to store them besides my bedroom. We have a shed, but I need a waterproof container to put them in so they don't get ruined. We've had little floods that have ruined stuff in our sheds before.
It's scary because I went on the CW message board and posters are fighting over whether Sam's soul was in hell or not. Who cares? I wonder if it was or not myself. Who knows who's lying about where Sam's soul was because the show is such a mystery and they just keep you guessing about crap like that. Hopefully we'll find out one way or another. I just think poor Sam is going to have plenty to deal with and not just because he might remember hell, if he went. Soulless Sam had all his memories, so he knows how he felt about everything. About his mother, father, Jessica, Madison, Jo, Ellen and how many other dying and plus Dean and Sam has always felt responsible for these deaths. I bet Sam thinks that if he'd never been born, then Mary, John and Jessica would never have died. Also, that Dean would have had a better life and the life he wanted. Sam probably still has all that guilt over that and then now he'll have more heaped onto it. If he remembers that he tried to kill Bobby, then there will be that guilt. If he remembers letting Dean be turned into a vampire and that he lost Lisa and Ben because of it. You only know that if Sam remembers stuff, then he's going to blame himself about Dean losing Lisa and Ben and thinks he's the reason that Dean isn't with them. I just hope Dean doesn't let him feel guilty for that. I'm hoping that Dean tells Sam that he wants to hunt and that he doesn't want a normal life. I want Dean to make up his mind already about what he wants from life and quit treating Sam like he's the reason Dean doesn't have what he wants. It's up to Dean to choose and hopefully Sam will get to make his own choices regarding his life for a change. I'm sick of Sam being treated like some piece of crap that everyone is trying to control and especially Dean. Dean should not make huge choices that affect Sam and if he does than I hope he takes responsiblity for the choices he made and not try to blame Sam for them. Like Sam should be a certain way and if he's not, then he's evil or he's let Dean down in some way. Sam never wanted Dean to bring him back to life and make that deal for him. Look how much that choice Dean made affected Sam and then Dean had the nerve to tell Sam he let him down. Dean expects too much from Sam and I doubt he really knows his brother and just seeing Dean with soulless Sam proved how little Dean knows about his brother.

I just think that now that Sam has his soul back, it's not like Sam is going to be happy. When has Sam ever been truly happy and had the life he really wanted? Never. Sam's whole life has been like hell on Earth and thanks to Dean, he gets hell again and maybe it will be even worse this time because not only will Sam feel guilty about everything from before, now he'll feel guilty about new stuff.
I've read some stuff about what others are thinking and they think Dean is just going to help Sam cope with stuff and then Sam will be great and heal from everything. You've got to be kidding me. Like the only pain Sam would have is what he suffered in hell or if he went there even. Not like Sam suffers all the time and about everything. I don't think I'm going back to my Hell House on there until after the New Year. I'll keep posting in my Sammy thread, but that's it. Posters are just getting nutty on there and I can't stand all the crap and that everything is going to be wonderful for Sam now that he's got his soul back. And that Sam and Dean are just going to go back to the way they were and that wasn't even that great. Dean needs to tell Sam how he feels about things and quit being such a stupid idiot and let his brother know how he feels about him. Maybe if I ever hear Dean telling Sam that he loves him and loves him for who he is and not what he expects him to be, then I'll love Dean again.
I just want Dean to go back to being Dean and admitting that he loves to hunt and he loved killing Supernatural creatures. That's who Dean has always been and that's why I loved him. I want to love him again like I did before.

Zoo Lights And Gambling Trip

Last night I went to the Zoo Lights. It was really fun and it cheered me up and got me in the mood for Christmas and the New Year. I've been feeling depressed lately, so I really needed this. I went with my oldest sister and her two grandsons and my other sister who is going to the Convention with me. We never got to see the Zoo Lights last year because my sister was in an accident and her truck got totalled.
There were tigers out and they were playing and were the most active I've ever seen. It was fun. I remember when the Zoo had small cages for the big cats and it hurt just to see them in them. I'm glad that the Zoo finally got a big habitat area for them to roam around in. We saw a few other small animals and reindeer and then all the lights. We stopped in to see Santa and my sister asked Santa for some luggage for the Convention. I love spending time with my family, especially when we're doing something really fun.

Today, I went to go to the gambling town that's not that far away. I'm glad that I only lost 17 dollars. I had a good time and I played for the whole six hours we were there. Usually, I'm broke right away and waiting for our bus to come to take us home. I almost was broke, but then I had a little winning streak, but that ended. I probably could have come home with about 200 hundred dollars if I would have not gone crazy and played bigger amounts on the machines. I had fun playing different machines and it was a great day.

Having Fun With Little Sammy

My little Sammy has cheered me up a bit from my depressed mood. I love to play with him. He got an igloo to play in and he has a new chimney that will transport him to any house in Pet Society. I love playing with Sammy and my other little demons.

I've been playing Farmville more now since I've been released from work. I'm in a competition with some woman to get more presents than her. I swear it keeps me really busy. I found a new typing game to play and it's fun to try and beat my own score. I don't know if any of my Facebook friends type for a living like I do, so I probably would not be able to compete with them, so I compete with myself.

I bought a new digital camera to take to the L.A. Convention and now I have to figure out how to use it. I've never owned one before. I've always just used disposable cameras whenever I've needed to take pictures. Hopefully, I'll learn how to do everything and I'll be able to post pictures on Facebook and my blog at the convention.

I went on the CW message board and it's the same old crap on there. No one can tell me it isn't Sam vs. Dean all the time on there. I love how some posters can just sit and lie and lie that they love Sam, when they really don't. I used to love Dean, but I really don't even like him right now and I don't care what others think about that. I think he's been an asshole to Sam and probably will continue to be one even now that Sam has his soul back. I love how fans think Sam acted cold without his soul for the past how many months, when Dean acted worse than Sam did and he supposedly has his soul. Whatever.

Christmas And Supernatural

I just watched A Very Supernatural Christmas for like the fifth time so far in the last couple of days. I was trying to cheer myself up. I wish that I could jump into the TV set and into those God's home. I would not care if they ate me as long as I got to sit on their plastic couch and enjoyed all the decorations and their beautiful tree. Maybe Madge could make me some cookies first and we could all watch some cute Christmas show together and then they could eat me. I'm sure they'd love me because I've got a lot of fat on my bones.
Right now, I really don't give a rat's ass what is going to happen with Sam and Dean. I just mostly think of Supernatural as a comedy now because it's gotten so crazy and goofy. I'm getting tired of waiting for answers to things that will probably never come. Of course, they are mostly about Sam. I'm surprised when I go looking around and reading some stuff and no one is mentioning how in hell Sam could have his soul in one place and his body walking around without it. That is so unnatural because if your soul is not in your body, you're either unconscious or dead. If your soul is gone from your body for too long, then your body dies, it doesn't go walking around for over a year with nothing to animate it. I just would finally like to know what Sam really is and how that was even possible. I'm not even going to hope they explain anything anymore. I'm also not even hoping for more Sam insight or POV or anything concerning Sam because I'll just end up disappointed. I'll be very surprised if the writer's even concentrate a little on Sam's character because I bet it will all be about Dean and how he feels about Sam now. I'm getting tired of Dean's shitty attitude towards Sam. Dean does not love Sam unconditionally and what he did proved that. Dean only accepts Sam when Sam is doing what Dean wants or expects him to do. Otherwise Sam is wrong or evil or horrible to Dean. It's getting very ridiculous at this point. I'm tired of Sam always accepting Dean for who and what he is and for everything he does. While Dean on the other hand, can only accept Sam when he acts like he's supposed to.
I love how Dean fans will constantly come up with anything and everything to excuse the crap that Dean does to Sam. I love how fans have forgotten that Dean beat the crap out of Sam and was still beating on him when he was unconscious. Either Dean really hates Sam or he hates himself because I can't explain why Dean would beat on Sam that badly. Sam didn't even try to fight back and he was supposed to be the dangerous one that didn't have a soul or a moral compass. Yeah, right.

I'm trying to read more books right now and I've started to read the Supernatural books again and they don't even make me care about anything. I guess I'm just depressed because of all the crap that's been happening lately and this is probably going to be one crappy Christmas. I wish I could go to Las Vegas for Christmas.
I was going to write some Christmas spoofs of Supernatural and I even started one, but who cares about it? I lost all interest after I saw poor Sam's soul forced back into him. I'm not even excited for the show to come back on in January, not like I was last year. I knew that Sam, Interrupted was going to be a great episode and it was one of my favorite episodes ever. Even the title of the episode that's coming up is stupid, Like A Virgin. Obviously someone loves Madonna. Whatever. I just hope that my love for Supernatural will come back full force. I love Jared and Jensen and I'll always love the show, but right now I really hate Dean's character and I don't know how to stop hating him. I used to love him, right up until season four and then he turned into a real dick and he was an asshole to Sam. I've tried to understand all the crap and the shitty things he's said to Sam, but I just don't get it. I still think Dean is afraid to face himself and what he did in Hell and takes it all out on Sam. Dean's soul was the one that tortured souls in Hell and got pleasure from it. So, what kind of soul does Dean have right now. It sure could not be good. I'm sick of Dean telling Sam that he's arrogant and self-righteous and Dean is the King Of Arrogance right now and he thinks he's always right about everything.

Then, there is still a ton of stuff that is never going to be explained and that makes zero sense. I'm tired of all the mystery already on Supernatural and trying to figure out who's bad or good anymore. There should be Sam and Dean and they both should be good and be heroes and then there should be the bad guys that they fight and kill. That's the way the show started and should have stayed. Now it's too convoluted and crazy and who knows who's evil or good now.

I can't wait to go to the L.A. Con because I loved going to the one last year and this year I have photo ops with Jared and Jensen and Gold tickets, so it should be more fun than last year.

Tales Of The Gold Monkey And Stephen Collins

Today I went to FYE Superstore and was looking in the DVD's and I could not believe my eyes when I saw Tales Of The Gold Monkey. I grabbed it and started to jump up and down because I was so excited. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever see this show again. This was one of my favorite shows of all time. It only lasted one season, but I loved it so much. I loved Stephen Collins,even though he was way older than me. I was only 12 or 13 when this show aired and Stephen Collins was probably in his 30's. I had a picture of him on my wall for how long because I loved him so much and I had a crush on him. It's funny because when I was younger, I'd look at older guys and now that I'm older, I like younger guys. I laugh about that. There are some older actors that I think are still very good looking. Stephen Collins looks pretty good for his age and he still has his cute dimples.

When I was a kid, I was never in love with any of my favorite actors, I just had a crush on them and thought one day I'd marry them. I dreamed about being with them, but that's all they were, just dreams. I still will always love my favorite actors, singers, athletes and movie stars and some of them are dead and have been for years. I remember Andy Gibb. It was sad that he died at 30. I still can't believe that and I still love him and think about him, especially when I listen to the beautiful songs he wrote and sang.

Now back to Stephen Collins. I was so happy to see Stephen was back in a series on TV. I know he was in other shows and movies, including Star Trek, but some of them I don't even know. I just know when I saw he was in 7TH Heaven, I was very happy and I loved watching him play reverend Camden. It's nice that 7TH Heaven went for 11 seasons and he was in the show until the end. I just loved his character in there and I loved the show. I remember when the TV Guide wrote about the show and said that it was too preachy. I guess that's the word to use for being a good and decent show, instead of filth. I hope kids watched the show and got something out of it and it helped them in their lives. I know when I used to watch TV in the past, there was always something that helped me in my own life. I don't know why people call TV the idiot box. It's only that, if you're an idiot sitting there watching with an empty head that gets filled up with everything you see and you don't use your brain to process anything. I've always gotten something out of watching TV. I've learned how many things because of certain shows that I've watched. I learned new words and I used to always look things up in the dictionary or an encyclopedia all the time because I wanted to know things.

It's nice when you can find these old shows to watch. Now I have something else to watch while all my shows are in repeats.

Smallville and Supernatural's 11th episodes

Both Smallville and Supernatural were great to watch and I'm glad that I was able to watch them. My CW finally has a strong signal again. Just in time for the Vampire Diaries Marathon and repeats for about six to seven weeks.
I loved Smallville because Michael Shanks was on again as Carter. I loved his character and now he's dead. Why do they kill off all the hot looking guys, except for Clark and Oliver? I never really thought Michael was cute when he was on Stargate and now I think he's hot. I loved all the dialogue with him and Justin Hartley. I laughed my ass off at some of the things that were said. Smallville still knows how to entertain me after all these years. Clark proposing to Lois was cute, but I just don't think they have the chemistry that Clark and Lana had. I don't mind watching them, but I don't feel anything either. I can't wait to see what happens when the show comes back on and to see what that was at the end.

Now for Supernatural. I thought this episode was good and it was one of my favorites for this season. I mainly loved the scenes with Sam and Bobby. Jared and Jim were awesome in those scenes. I've waited a long time to see Sam and Bobby in scenes together alone without Dean and Gamble and Co delivered. I loved it. You only knew that something would stop Sam from killing Bobby and of course it was Saint Dean to the rescue. Bobby would never have been in danger from Sam, if Dean hadn't been so fired up to get his soul back. Dean just can't live with Sam the way he was and I wonder why that is. I personally don't think Dean really loves or even likes his little brother all that much. Dean doesn't care if Sam will have to suffer. That just makes me mad. Like Sam should deal with all the consequences of Dean's choices. When does Sam ever get to choose what he wants to happen? The only time he got to is when he chose to stop the apocalypse by jumping into hell with Lucifer.
I think Dean is going to have to deal with some consequences of his choice. I bet Sam won't be able to remember Lisa and Ben or that whole year and a half that has passed. Is that how the writers are going to get rid of Lisa and Ben? Dean will never be able to be in contact with them because if Sam learns anything about what happened it will break the wall that Death put in his mind. There are just too many possibilites that could happen with that wall that poor Sam will need to keep in place, so he doesn't go crazy.
I love how Dean finally mentioned Adam, like an afterthought or something. When did Dean even give a crap about Adam. I can see Sam not caring because his soul was gone, but Dean didn't care until now. I love how Dean said he read books and did other stuff to get Sam out of hell. I bet Dean didn't do anything when he was with Ben and Lisa and that's why he drank so much. Maybe Dean was happier knowing Sam was in hell or something. Either Dean is stupid because he didn't think about Death helping him get Sam out of Hell or Dean didn't care to get Sam out of hell until Sam's body showed up and Dean could not stand to live with Sam without his soul.
There are all kinds of other stuff that really bugged me in the episode and I try not to think about them because then I go crazy about it.
Also, maybe Dean will finally realize something about all the deals that have been made. How many people died because Dean made that deal for Sam to live after Jake stabbed him? All that is on Dean because he made the choice and chose Sam to live when maybe that was Sam's time to die. Then John made the deal for Dean and that was probably Dean's time to die. What about when Dean made the deal for Sam and died and went to Hell? It's like Dean has cheated Death three times already. There have been three times that Dean should have died and didn't. Two of those times, it was probably his destiny to die and one time, who chose for him to live. Is Death the one that gave Dean his soul back when Castiel pulled him out of Hell or does Dean even have his soul himself. Sometimes it makes me wonder.

The thing that killed me that most about this episode concerning Sam and Dean was the very end. Dean just looked so evil when he was looking in at Sam from outside that panic room. Sam didn't look evil, he just looked afraid and he didn't want his soul and it just killed me that Sam got his soul forced back into his body against his will. When does Sam ever get the choice to want something. Probably never. Maybe that's the reason why Sam is angry and he said he was angry and didn't know why. Maybe the reason for Sam's anger is that he's angry at others making choices for him and he's never able to make choices for himself or live and get what he wants. It's always about what someone else wants for him and not what he wants for himself.

I sometimes think that Sam and Dean have a twisted and sick brotherly relationship. Most of it is sick from Dean's side because it seems that Dean doesn't care about how Sam feels or what he wants. Dean always thinks he knows what's best for Sam and he could care less how Sam feels about it. Dean could actually care less about anything concerning Sam. I don't think Dean even knows who Sam is and he probably never will. Dean just wants company in his misery. It makes me wonder sometimes if Dean wanting Sam to get his soul back, wasn't his way of getting revenge on Sam or something. Like Dean wants Sam to suffer because he had because of Sam. It seems to me that Dean really didn't care what was going on with Sam until he totally lost Lisa and Ben. Then Dean started to care because he just thinks he's stuck with his rotten little brother again and that he had to take care of him.

I don't know. I think I'm just depressed about crap right now. I'm sad that we won't get to see the carefree Sam again and now it's back to poor Sam being miserable and being crapped on by Dean again. I can't wait to go see what some people have to say when the show comes back on and Sam is emotional again. They'll start complaining about Sam being too emotional or some other crap. I notice that most fans just constantly bitch about Sam no matter what his character does. Like the character of Sam is always making them angry no matter what he does. Like Sam is the one that's always horrible and making Dean's like a living hell, when in fact it's probably the reverse. Sam has probably wanted to die and go to Heaven, Hell or anywhere just to get away from Dean and no matter what, he never can.