Here's what I think about Dean Winchester right now. I still think Dean is a hunter through and through. He was raised by John to be a hunter at a young age. Who knows what age it was that John started to train him? I doubt it was when he was four, but I bet it was when he turned like six or seven for sure. A lot of fans believe that Dean raised Sam by himself. Dean did take care of Sam and protect him, but he wasn't the only one. There was Bobby, Pastor Jim and who knows who else that helped raise him besides John. It wasn't just all Dean raising Sam. I still think a part of Dean resents Sam and is angry at Sam because of the fact that Dean didn't get a life because he was always watching out for Sam. That was Dean's whole life for years. It was taking care of and protecting Sam. That was Dean's job and he did it well. Dean thought he failed when Sam was killed by Jake and went to go and make that deal because he didn't want to fail at his job of taking care of Sam. That's mainly why I think Dean made the deal and he didn't want to live alone without Sam because Sam was his whole life.
I sometimes wonder about the deal Dean made. Dean sold his soul for Sam, but not Sam's soul. Did Sam have a choice whether to go back into his body or not? If Sam went to Heaven, how do we know that the angels there didn't tell Sam things and that's why he came back. Of course they made Sam forget everything because Sam didn't remember anything at all. Plus we never saw Sam with a reaper at all. I still wish we'd find out why we never got to see Sam with a reaper. Why did the crossroads demon tell Sam that they didn't want his soul in hell, only Dean's? That's when Sam tried to exchange himself for Dean and go to hell for him. Now who knows where Sam's soul went. Did he go to Heaven? If Sam went to hell, then how did his body end up on earth and his soul in hell. I still think Sam and his body never went to hell at all. I think Lucifer and Michael went, but not Sam or Adam.
Back to Dean. Fans want to believe that Dean is so loving and cares so deeply about people. I've never thought that about Dean ever. Dean has always been about hunting. You watch him in the first couple of seasons and how he acts. When he gets excited about the first sawed off shot gun he made and he tells about the perks of the job and he means shooting guns. I think Dean does love the hunt and he does love to kill. What is Dean killing though? He's not going around killing people, he's killing monsters and evil things that want to hurt other people. I still can see him beating on that ghoul and just the look on his face. He was still beating and beating on the ghoul when Sam said his name and he finally went to help Sam. I think since Dean went to hell, he's been denying the part of himself that likes to kill and hunt because he's afraid of that part. He tortured souls in hell and loved doing it and it made all his pain go away. Maybe that's what hunting has done for him. When he hunts monsters and kills them, then the pain of losing people he loves goes away. The pain of losing his mom and dad and the normal life he wanted to live.
Dean does bury all his emotions and then drinks to try forget about it. Emotions are more than just crying and being sad. Emotions are anger too. Dean is probably angry about things himself and he tries to bury it. He told Sam to bury all that crap and that's what keeps them going. Maybe that's what made Dean such a bad ass hunter. He focuses on the hunt and doesn't let his emotions get in the way.
Look how the truth goddess brought out what Dean was lying to himself about. Dean saw himself in Sam. Sam was acting emotionless and you found out he didn't have a soul and he's just a hunting machine and that's what Dean has been for years. Dean told that's who Sam was acting like, himself. Dean just can't face the part of him that loves to kill and the part that maybe enjoys it. It is a part of him, but not all of who Dean is. You have to love everything about yourself to be whole and Dean will never be whole until he accepts that part of himself. Even Lisa told Dean the truth about himself and that he buries everything and then drinks.
Dean constantly talked about having a hole inside of him and that hole is that part of Dean that likes to hunt and kill. Dean doesn't want to accept it and he'll never be able to live his life until he does or be a whole person. That's why Dean came back from hell and acted so weak because he tried to leave that part of himself in hell because he couldn't face it.
I think Dean beat the crap out of Sam in You Can't Handle The Truth because he wasn't thinking about Sam but himself. It was like Dean was looking and beating himself and not Sam. He saw himself and how he acts by watching Sam doing what he was doing.
I do think Dean is a very complex character. I don't think he's evil or wrong or bad. Dean never got the chance to grow up and experience all the wonders of a normal childhood and that affected Dean in many different ways. I love Dean's character because I can tell Dean does feel strongly about all kinds of things. Even though Dean can't tell anyone he loves them, it's not like he doesn't. He's just afraid to because he's afraid to lose them or they'll leave him. His mother left him, his father left him and so did Sam. They all left him at some point. I think Dean is afraid of being alone and that's another reason he made the deal for Sam. He didn't want to be alone or be left alone.
As for Dean ever being a family man. I think Dean went through the motions of living a normal life with Lisa and I don't think he was ever truly happy at any point. I think that Dean could have a normal life one day and that he could be a great father and husband, but that's only if Dean can accept everything about himself first. Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself and I don't think Dean ever has. Maybe Dean can't forgive himself for what he did in hell and breaking the first seal. And he has low self worth or no self worth at all and if he never finds out who he is and loves himself, he'll never have self worth. It doesn't matter if he saves Sam, other people or the whole world. The one person Dean needs to save the most is himself. He needs to accept that part of him that he doesn't want to. It is a part of him and a very important one that he needs to be whole. Once he accepts that, then the hole inside of him will be filled and maybe he won't feel dead.
This is just how I feel right now about Dean and what's happening. I could be right about some things and I'm probably wrong about some stuff too. I just love both Sam and Dean and Supernatural. I love to think about both Sam and Dean and why they do what they do. I love them for who they are. That's why I don't like going on certain message boards and reading all the crap. I love how some fans think the writer's can't write Sam and Dean properly or they're writing the characters the wrong way. They're the writers and some of them have been writing Sam and Dean since the show started. I think they know them more than the fans do. The fans just want Sam and Dean to be who they want them to be and not who they really are and that's sad. I think the writer's have done a great job of writing both characters and I love them both. I love all the other characters that have come and gone on the show too.
