Dean Winchester's Diary Continued

Dear Diary,
Sammy and I just got back from a hunt. Sammy is mad at me again because I called Cas to come and heal him after he was knocked unconscious again. It seems like Sammy gets beaten on the head all the time and knocked unconscious a lot. I asked Cas if Sam has brain damage, but Cas assured me that he doesn't. I was hoping Sammy had brain damage because that could be the only reason he's still mad at me. He still hasn't thanked me for saving his life and now he didn't thank me for saving him yet again today.
He's so damn stubborn sometimes.
I really miss my buddy Benny. Sammy still hasn't thanked me for killing Benny to save him. Benny who had been a better brother than Sammy ever could be. Benny always had my back and my front while we were in Purgatory. He never let me down and whenever I cried, he would gently hold me in his strong and loving arms. I really miss Purgatory sometimes because it was so pure there. It was fighting and killing all day and Benny's warm arms holding me all night. I kept Benny's bones, but I never told Sammy that I hid them under my bed. I want Benny to be close to me always. If for some reason I have to kill Sammy then I can just go to Purgatory and get Benny back. Then it will be me, Benny and Cas again like it was in Purgatory. Sure, Cas tried to stay away from me there for my own good, but I know he loves and needs me. That's what I love about both Benny and Cas, they need me. Sammy just doesn't seem to need me anymore. He'd probably rather find some girl to shack up with like he shacked up with that girl while I was in Purgatory. I still can't believe that he did nothing to try and find me. He got himself a dog and a girl and just made me disappear like I was nothing to him. I keep forgetting the name of that girl he was with while I was gone. I think her name started with an A, but I'm not sure. I didn't even meet her, nor do I care to ever meet her or get to know who she was. Sammy says she was human, but who knows what she really was. She probably was another demon that he had the hots for. I have to make sure now that Sammy doesn't hook up with any more girls. He has no sense when it comes to girls at all because he somehow always hooks up with monsters or demons.
I'm sad Cas didn't stick around after healing Sammy because it would have been nice to go out with him somewhere to get a drink. Sammy won't even have a beer with me anymore because he's still so mad at me. I hope he'll get over himself soon and realize I do everything I do just for him. Everything and my whole life is just for him. All for Sammy.