I Don't Care Anymore

I really don't care anymore about anything. I'm so tired of everything. I'm sick of my family and all their dramatic crap. All they want to hear is lies, so that they can feel good about themselves. They can lie to themselves all they want to because I'm tired of it and I'm tired of caring about them. My family thinks that all I care about is Supernatural or my TV shows. I only care about them to escape my family. My family usually causes all my stress and worries. It's very sad when your family are supposed to be the people that support and love you and lift you up when you're depressed and my family is the opposite. All they do is knock me down or try to make me feel like shit. They shove all their problems on me or I end up hearing about all their problems and I can't just ignore them.
I've always used TV shows, music and my books to escape from everything. They usually don't disappoint or depress me. It's funny because John Denver, who I never met in real life saved my life. He saved my life every time I listened to his music. It was like a drug or something. I always believe in myself and the world when I listen to his music. He lifted me up when I was at the lowest point in my life.

Most of my life, I've just wanted to die or be gone. I guess I feel like Sam in Supernatural because sometimes this life is a living hell. I've also felt like I'm a ghost or something. I sometimes wonder if I'm really here. Sometimes people can see me and other times, I'm totally invisible or people pretend they don't see me.

I sometimes wonder if I'm autistic or something because I have a hard time communicating with people. I sometimes wonder why I even try to because it always turns out bad. I'm a quiet person usually and the reason that is, is because what's the point of talking when no one listens or hears what you're saying. You might as well not say anything at all. I thought I'd try message boards and such and try to communicate with people who like the same things I do. They turned out bad just like everything else.

I'm starting to wonder about computers and the internet and how evil they really are. It seems like since I got my computer that I've gotten into more fights with my family and other people. I guess that's just because I started to tell people things they don't want to hear. People just want you to lie to them or tell half truths or tell them what they want to hear or you should agree with them and not have your own opinion.

I guess I should just stop communicating or trying to and go back to living in my fantasyland. I wish that I could. I don't have a good feeling about Supernatural for this upcoming season and I'm hoping that I don't end up hating it even or wishing it had ended at season 5. I need to lose myself in something right now. I've been watching some of my old shows that I used to love, like Emergency. I've also been reading some really good books and trying to spend more time reading and less time on the computer. I'm reading a really awesome vampire book that doesn't romantize vampires, but keeps them as evil creatures that need to be destroyed not loved. I haven't even wrote anything more on my Supernatural story. I just can't seem to concentrate on it with all that's been going on.

I don't care what anyone in my family does next because I'm sick of caring. They can do whatever they want to and I hope they don't tell me about it because I just don't want to hear it anymore. Ignorance is bliss. They probably won't talk to me and that's just fine with me because I'm sick of hearing about all their petty problems that they create for themselves and then whine about it and cry that someone ruined their lives. I wish they'd take responsibility for their own choices they make in life and quit blaming other people already. When I choose to do something and it turns out wrong, I look in the mirror and that's the person I blame. Myself and no one else. I choose what I do and if I choose wrong, I own up to it and I don't blame others.

WOW! for not caring, I've sure posted a lot on the subject, but there's nowhere else to go and no one to talk to, so I get to put this all down here. There's no point anymore trying to connect to people. I don't think I'll even try to again. I've been alone for 41 years, but I've never been lonely because I have myself.

Pics From My D.C. Trip and What A Trip It Was

It's been over a week since I've been home from my vacation to D.C. I had a good time and it was nice to see all the history that I did. I've been too lazy to come on my blog and I've been busy doing other things.
While I enjoyed my time in D.C. it's been a whole other story coming home. I went with two people who I thought I knew, but they are little more than strangers to me now. I don't even know who they are and I don't want to know anymore. One of them was my own sister who I used to idolize and love more than anyone in the whole world. Now I found out what kind of person she is and I don't even want to be around her. Obviously she feels the same way about me. On the trip, there were how many times when she basically pretended that I wasn't even there. Like I wasn't good enough or she didn't want to be associated with me or something. I sometimes wonder if my sister wishes she had another family altogether. I kind of wish she had that family too because I'll never live up to her expectations and I'll never try. The other person on the trip has been a friend of mine and at one time I even thought of her as my sister and now I don't. I don't even want her for a friend. The best and only person on the whole trip that made me happy was my former friends little girl. She's so sweet and loving and full of energy. She made me laugh and she treated me like I was family, even though I'm not to her. I love her, but I doubt I'll ever get close to her again.
It seems to me like I was just asked on this trip to help my sister with the expenses. First she told me that I wouldn't have to pay any money for the hotel and I gave her a 100 dollars anyway. I gave her extra money for extra costs and everything and then she acts like I didn't pay for anything or something. I even bought their dinner one night, but I guess I was a bitch for doing that.
I will never go on another trip again with these people and that's fine with me. I'll miss my friend's little girl, but not the rest of them. I should've learned my lesson long ago, but I guess I'm just stupid and I believed in my sister.
The Supernatural Convention in New Jersey was at the same time as this trip and sometimes I wish I could've went to it instead. I loved seeing D.C. and going back East because I've never been. I saw so much stuff and I am grateful that I did get to see it and it was because of my sister, but maybe if I go somewhere like this again, I'll go alone or with people who can accept me for who I am, not who they want me to be.

Washington D.C. Is Awesome

I'm here in D.C. and it's been great so far. I got back from a monument tour just a little while ago. I went to visit how many memorials. It's sad when you see all the men and women who have died to keep our country free and to help the world.My father was in the Korean War and my uncles have been in how many of the wars. I think Sam and Dean are heroes on Supernatural, but they are fictional and these people were real heroes, who lost their lives by saving and fighting for real people. It's great to see the nation's capital and I saw the white house where my big boss works. It was very interesting, of course, I didn't see him, but would I even want to. I'm not a big american history buff, but it's been great seeing all this history. I'm sure that I'll see even more things tomorrow.

Life Unexpected

Life Unexpected was a pleasant surprise for me. I really didn't think I'd like it all that much and I decided to give it a try and I found out that I loved it. I love all the characters on the show, but especially Ryan and Cate. Kerr Smith is one of my favorite actors and it's nice to see him on an excellent show with great writing and a good storyline. I loved his character Jack on Dawson's Creek and Kerr was totally awesome in My Bloody Valentine.
It's funny because usually when I watch a show like this, I end up hating a character because someone always get left out in the cold. There's a little love triangle between Ryan/Cate and Baze. I don't hate any of them. I actually like Baze, but I don't want him to be with Cate because she's with Ryan. If she hadn't have been with Ryan, then I could have seen her with Baze. It's crazy. I love to watch and see what will happen next between them all. Then you have Lux and her friends and boyfriend Bug. I like Lux and how her and Cate and Baze are becoming a family again. It's interesting with Ryan thrown in the mix.

I loved the first season finale because it made me cry and feel for all the characters. I loved that Ryan and Cate ended up getting married, but you felt bad for Baze too. I love Ryan's character because he told Lux that if she didn't want him to marry Cate then he wouldn't. He left it up to her and let her decide. Just the fact that he'd sacrifice his own happiness to make her happy, made me love him even more. Now that's one unselfish person. I think he's better for Cate then Baze because Baze still has some growing up to do.

I'm glad that the show is sticking around for season 2. I was really worried. Usually the new shows that I start watching get cancelled for one reason or another, so I'm glad this one didn't and that it's done well. It will be nice to watch it with my other favorite show One Tree Hill. They fit together because they're both kind of about family and I love to watch these shows because they make you feel good.

My Little Sammy's 1st Birthday

Well, my little Sammy is one year old today. I can't believe that a whole year has passed with my sweet little demon. I love my little Sammy so much because he has turned me into a sweeter and more loving demon myself. Little Sammy brightens up my day and others. He loves everyone and tries to be good all the time.

Little Sammy had a party in his treehouse. All his friends stopped over to visit him and give him presents. A lot of them brought him chocolate milk because they know he loves it so much and that he wants Sam to drink more on Supernatural. Little Jess stayed with Sammy all day long and helped him open his presents. Little Jess gave him a big huge kiss for his birthday.

I bought my sweet little Sammy a new room. It took how long to construct it. It's an underwater grotto and he's got a whale and other big sea animals in it. Little Sammy was so happy to play in his new room. He's going to make another room because it's summer and he wants to have a lot of fun with all his friends.

Little Ruby came over and Jess was not happy to see her. Ruby tried to give Sammy a birthday kiss and Jess said that she could hug him and that was it. Little Ruby looked sad, but she hugged Sammy and gave him a chocolate milk and then left.

My little Sammy is still playing with all his birthday gifts and drinking a ton of chocolate milk while I write this. I just love him and my other demons so much. Little Dean's and Jess' birthday's are going to be coming up soon too.

Choco Milk For Sam

My little Sammy put this on his wall because he wants Sam to drink chocolate milk instead of demon blood. That's his birthday wish. My sweet little Sammy. Little Dean came over and helped him put the stickers on the wall. My little Sammy must've been tired and fell asleep after. He watched a marathan of Supernatural episodes all night and then he put up those stickers.

My Little Demons Get Married

My little demons have been very busy lately. They all got married or pretended to anyway. Their whole little town has wedding fever and everyone pretended to get married. All their friends had a lot of fun.

Little Sammy found a new friend named Ruby. Little Sammy sent her some stuff to help her and little Jess found out and got angry. Little Sammy told Jess that she was only a friend and he felt sorry for her. Little Jess was fine until she went to Ruby's house and saw her kiss little Sammy. Jess punched Ruby in the face and told her never to kiss Sammy again. Jess was angry at little Sammy until Sammy told her he loved her. Little Sammy told Ruby that they were just friends and that Jess was his sweetheart and he loved her.

Little Sammy and Jess went on their honeymoon. First they're going to take a cruise and then go digging and looking for treasures in other countries. They left and I found little Ruby in Sammy's house. She was so sad because no one would marry her. The hideeni came along and comforted her and gave her a soccer flag. Little Ruby went home to cry all alone.

Little Dean married Bela, Jared married Genevieve and Ollie married Lois. Their weddings were all so cute and the boys made sure they pleased their little brides. They're all going on honeymoons just like little Sammy and Jess are.

Well that's all for now.

My Life With Little Sammy and Co

My little Sammy is keeping himself busy. Little Sammy and Jess went to their prom and they were the king and queen. I was so happy for them. All my little demons are busy fixing up their houses, buying cars and other stuff. Little Jess, Bela and Sammy all have castle rooms. A special pair of wings came out in the stores in their town and little Sammy wanted to buy them for Jess. He cried because he couldn't get any more cash. He had reached his limit and he couldn't stop crying because he knew Jess would look beautiful with these wings. They make you fly. Little Sammy was so sad until Jess showed up at his house with the wings on. Little Jess had gotten some cash herself and bought the wings. She told Sammy that he didn't have to buy her everything and that she could buy some things for herself. She kissed little Sammy and told him she loved him.

All my little demons are going on trips right now. It's summer and they are going to be enjoying their time off from school. Little Sammy is sad that Supernatural isn't on until probably Sept or Oct, but he said he'll keep himself busy and watch all the other seasons and have marathons all summer.

I just love my little Sammy and his birthday is coming up in less than three weeks. My baby is growing up so fast.

My Little Sammy's Big Supernatural Finale Party

Life With Little Sammy And Co

Little Sammy has been busy again. He's been busy buying all kinds of stuff and changing his house all around. He now has about 9 pets to take care of and he manages to do it all alone. He's a good boy. He's been helping Jess because she made another fairy room in her house. Jess loves dressing up like a fairy. She has fairy wings of all kinds. She also has angel wings and butterfly wings to wear. Little Bela and Genevieve have also gotten some fairy stuff. They're not as crazy about it as Jess though.

Little Sammy is busy getting his Supernatural room ready for a big party on Thursday night in honor of the season finale. Little Sammy is still worried about Sam and asked me if I think Sam is going to die or end up in hell with Lucifer. I told Little Sammy that I don't know what will happen to Sam. Hopefully he'll be okay and Dean will help and save him somehow. Little Dean is scared about Sam on the show now too. All my little demons watched the last episode of Supernatural and after they kept asking a ton of questions and I told them that I didn't have any answers myself. I told them that we're going to have to wait and see what happens and in the meantime stay busy so we don't think about it too much. My little demons have been staying busy. All their friends have been wonderful and a lot of them are going to come to Sammy's party.

Little Sammy is sad that the TV season is almost over. I told Sammy not to be sad because there will be all kinds of things to do until the next season starts. I started to read the new Supernatural book to my little demons and they like it. It's different then the show, but we've all been enjoying it.

Well that's all for now.