Goodbye 2012

The past year was an okay year for me. The beginning of the year was kind of rocky at work, but then things got better. My favorite part of 2012 was going to the Supernatural Burbank Con. I had a great time there and it was kind of fun to travel on my own. I still love going with someone though and I'll be going to the Vegas Con with my sister come March.  TV was pretty good this year. I started watching a couple of new shows like The Voice and Once Upon A Time. A lot of good albums came out this year and I've been enjoying listening to them. My favorite was Ceremonials by Florence And The Machine. I didn't read as much this year with all the stuff that's been going on, but I did read some really great books as well from all my favorite authors.
The end of this year has been full of ups and downs. I feel so bad about what's happened to my Mom. I thought she was going to die about three times and she's still here. Now, I'm hoping she'll get better and either be able to come home or go into assisted living.  I just would like to see her getting back to walking and doing the things she used to do. It's up to her though. She's in a care facility right now and she's been there for a month. I don't know what will happen.
Despite everything that's happened with my Mom. I had a good Christmas. I saw her and my family. I got to spend time with how many members of my family. It felt good to spend time with them. It seems that I never get to spend a lot of time with them anymore. I went to how many good movies this year. Les Miserables, The Hobbit, Breaking Dawn part 2, The Possession and Parental Guidance.
Here's to hoping that 2013 is a great year. I'll do my best to make it one no matter what happens.

I Dreamed A Dream Of Supernatural

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and Supernatural worth watching
I dreamed my love for Sam and Dean would never die
I dreamed that Chuck would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid and dreams were made and used and wasted

But the demons come at night
With their voices soft like Crowley
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

They spent multiple summers on my walls
And filled my days with wonder
But season 8 came along and it was gone

And still I dream Sam and Dean will be like brothers
But there are dreams that cannot be
And storms I cannot weather like Amelia and Benny

I had a dream Supernatural would be
So different from this hell it is
Now Carver has killed the dream I dream

Gossip Girl Forever

It's been a while since I've posted because I've just been too lazy and too sick to. I wanted to post right away about the end of Gossip Girl, but I didn't feel good. I'm really going to miss this show being on every Monday night. The finale was awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better ending to such a great show. I've loved this show since it first started and I never missed one episode. I will keep watching my DVD's for a long time because I can see it all again. I'm so happy that they made sure to have Jenny and Eric be in the finale. I've missed them for the last couple of years. Chuck and Blair will now be forever and I love that. I knew they'd end up together when the show ended. I was well rewarded for all my loyalty to this show.

I love all my shows because they've really helped me when I've been depressed. I watch all the characters and I actually never wish I was any of them, but it would be nice sometimes to live in their worlds for a brief time. I'd never want to stay longer than a couple of hours though. TV characters sure have more problems than normal people, but on the other hand, a lot of them have more people who love them and are there for them than real people do. It's nice to wish yourself into TV land and stay there just to forget your problems for a while.

I've seen the end of how many shows now that I love. Smallville, One Tree Hill and now Gossip Girl. I've loved these shows for years. I love Supernatural, but I don't think it's going to end like any of these shows. I'm actually scared about how it will end. I want to love the show until it ends, but it's getting very hard to do so right now. I was never obsessed with any of my other shows like I have been with Supernatural. I think my obsession is over now though and I still love it, but not as much as the earlier seasons. I've been watching   the Christmas episode how many times and I realize how different the show really is now. Dean actually used to love and care about Sam and now I feel like he could care less what happens to Sam. Sam cares and loves Dean, but Dean acts like Sam doesn't give a crap about him. I don't know what Sam could possibly do to make Dean realize how much he cares about him. Nothing I guess. As I was watching the Christmas episode and Sam giving Dean that amulet, I thought about something. Why did Sam give Dean the amulet? Because he knew he could always count on Dean and that Dean was there for him. Maybe that's why Dean threw the amulet in the trash because he knew that Sam would not be able to count on him anymore. It was more about how Dean felt and not how he felt about Sam and that's why he threw it away. I hate fans who think Sam should have pulled it out of the trash and tried to give it to Dean again, when Dean clearly didn't want it anymore. It would be really funny if Kevin finds out that the amulet is important to closing the gates of hell or whatever and Dean then realizes he threw it away and they have no idea where it is, but they need it.
Part of me no longer gives a crap about Dean or what he even thinks of Sam. Dean seems to only worry about what he needs or wants and could care less what Sam wants or needs. To me, that is selfish. It's funny that fans think Dean is the poor injured party and that Dean isn't selfish for not even caring what went on with Sam while he was in Purgatory. It's not like Sam went to Purgatory himself and then just found a way out and left Dean there. It's not Sam's fault that Dean had to be the big hero and kill Dick and end up in Purgatory. I read how much crap and can't even believe what I'm reading. It's still the same. Dean is always right and anyone he wants to be friends or family with is great and Sam is always wrong and anyone he even talks to is evil or horrible and how dare he choose or be with anyone other than Dean. Dean can choose angels, vampires or anyone over Sam and it's great and he's a wonderful loving brother to Sam. That's utter and complete crap. It's funny because I think a lot of Dean fans are hypocrites just like Dean. I stay far away from those fans.

Wow! Long post. I guess I just needed to write for a little bit. My poor Mom is in a care facility and now she has two infections she's trying to fight. I've been praying for her. Hopefully one day her suffering will end either way. She'll either get better or God will take her home. I can't stand seeing her this way. It's very hard and I'm sure more harder for her than me.

Alone

I'm all alone writing this. Usually my Mom is here with me. She went back into the hospital two weeks ago and now she's in a care facility. Who knows if she'll ever come home? I miss her being here in the house and it's way too quiet now. I try to pretend that she's just gone to the gambling town on the bus or she went there with my sister or something. I saw her yesterday and she didn't look good or very happy. I don't think I'd be happy either if I was her. First she had to deal with all the stuff with her heart, then she came home and had to go right back to the hospital for more stuff. I've been stressing out and worried about her and my family and what's going to happen.
Watching my shows has helped a little bit and Blake Shelton really made me smile and laugh with his Christmas special. Even Supernatural was pretty good this last Thursday. I had to go back to work as well. I'll probably be only working for a few more days. I can't take the inner conflict with my family either. I love them all, but it feels like I'm being torn apart. I don't know who to trust and what to believe anymore. I just wish that we could all pull together for each other and for our Mom.
I put up our tree hoping that somehow my Mom would be home by Christmas, but that's looking less likely right now. I'd like to have a little get together for my family on Christmas Eve, but who knows if anyone would come or if they would put their differences aside for one night. Right now, all I can think about is Christmas and past years spent with my family. For the last couple of years, we haven't even been getting together. I don't know why. You never know what's going to happen and you should spend time with your family for as long as you can.
I've been thinking about all my Mom used to do at Christmas time. I remember she used to scrub the floors and clean the house for days. Then she put up all the Christmas stuff and the tree. My Dad would put up our fake cardboard fireplace. Once everything was up, it was perfect. I remember coming home from school and  my Mom would have Christmas music playing on the record player and she'd make cocoa for us. She'd be in the kitchen cooking while we played or whatever. When it got close to Christmas, my Mom would make cookies, pies, fudge, divinity and how many other goodies. We always had a Christmas Eve party at our house with the whole family. It didn't matter who stepped in the door, they were family. I still think of them as that, even if maybe some of them don't feel that way. When I was younger, we'd always do a gift exchange. And I remember we always got clothes from our parents and not Santa. Santa always brought all the toys and fun stuff. When I was little, I never realized that Santa was really mainly my Mom. My Dad helped her, but she did most of it. I don't even know how she hid all that stuff from us. I used to get so much, that I never knew what to play with and it was hard to choose. We'd look and start playing with our presents and then it was time for pictures and then we went to church. I still can't believe all that my Mom did for us. She did so much and I love her for it. I don't know if very many mothers today would do all she did. We'd always go and visit the relatives after church. I'm so glad that we did. I still miss them as well. Most of them have been dead for a long time now. Even though they're gone, I still think of them and I have so many good memories of all of them. My Dad always took us to the Christmas lights in Ogden. That's something my Mom never did. I wonder if she just wanted some alone time for a while.

I don't know why, but I just felt like writing this tonight. I really hope that all my family and that includes everyone in the world has a wonderful Christmas this year. I hope everyone can put their differences aside and forgive and love each other. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? God gave his son as a gift to us and his son brought us the gift of love and forgiveness.

Happy Thanksgiving

On this Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for my family and everything I have. I'm always thankful that I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back and everything I need to live. I pray for all those people who do not have what I have even though most people would think I have nothing.

I'm very thankful for music, books, movies, TV and anyone who is a part of any of these things. I'm alive right now mainly because of these things. Music is the best drug in the world and I can never have enough of it. I'm always looking for new music to listen to. I just discovered One Direction and I bought their first CD. It's really good and I should have bought it long ago. All my TV shows are good right now, even Supernatural. I just hope Supernatural gets better than it's been. The first how many episodes bored me to tears. I've liked 3 out of the 7 that have been on so far. Last season I loved the first seven episodes and I re-watched them multiple times. I hope the rest of the episodes for the season will be good and I'll want to watch them more than once.

I've went to see Breaking Dawn 2 twice now. I love the Twilight movies even though I thought the books were not that great. I think the movies are better than the books. Usually, I love the books better than the movies. I love the Lord Of The Rings movies better than the books. I thought most parts in the books were boring.

I've got how many books to read. I just finished reading Blood Line by James Rollins. Awesome read and kind of scary. I love how he always uses facts in his fiction. That's what makes it scary. You read about this stuff and you know how much of it is real. It's really happening somewhere in the world or it's happened. Robotics and genetics scare me. Who knows what's happening in some lab in some part of the world or who or what is being used as a lab rat? People have been used to experiment on. It happened during the holocaust and I'm sure it's been happening for a long time now even today. God only knows what kind of robots and other artificial intelligence is being engineered right now. I try not to think too much about stuff like this because it scares me to even think of what could be happening or what could happen in the future.

I had a good Thanksgiving with my Mom. I made my own feast for myself and my niece brought my Mom some stuff. She has to watch her sodium intake right now. I ate like a pig and stuffed myself full of food while watching The Christmas Cottage. I love watching Jared in this movie. I'm so grateful he's in it. No one else would have been able to play the role of Thomas Kinkade. At least in my opinion. Jared was perfect for the part and he was awesome in it. I cry every time I watch Jared, especially the scene at the end with Peter O'Toole.

Well that's all for now.

Voting For People's Choice Awards

I've voted a few times now for my favorites for the People's Choice Awards. I really don't care who wins, but I'm voting for who I think should win and who I personally like. I'm not part of the SPN Family and frankly I don't even know who they are. I know most all of them are voting for Jensen for the actor award. I guess they should because Supernatural is The Dean Show, so the award should go to the person who plays Dean. I'm alternately voting for Jared and Paul Wesley. I personally think they are the best actors out of the bunch. I'm hoping the Vamp Diaries fans split the vote between their two and SPN  fans split over their two and the other guy wins. Now that would be a laugh and a half. I'd love it.

I'm voting for Vampire Diaries to win the sci fi award because I think it's a better show that focuses on all it's characters and has a better storyline overall. Supernatural used to be good when it was about both Sam and Dean and not just Dean and his supernatural pals. I'm voting Once Upon A Time for the drama. It's my favorite show this year closely followed by Vampire Diaries. I'm voting Beauty And The Beast for the best new drama. Nina for the best actress because she is the best actress out of all the others that I watch. And I'm voting for Blake Shelton of course. The rest of the stuff, I don't really care about. And I decided to vote for TVD fans or whatever they call themselves. Like I said, I'm not part of the SPN Family or whatever. I've been mainly treated like crap from other supernatural fans on the Internet, so I'm sorry, but I'd never consider them family. There are a few nice ones on Twitter and I've met some nice fans at the Cons, but that's about it. I still remember The CW message boards and all the bitches who treated me like crap and called me a troll and how much other crap because I didn't agree with them. I don't care. Supernatural is no longer an obsession for me and I'm happy about that. Hopefully the show will end this season, but if it goes on, then hopefully Jared will decide to do a movie or something and not be on the show as much. I'm hoping and praying for this. Dean fans would rejoice because then the show could be all about Dean and only Dean. Or Dean and his buddies Castiel and Benny.

I'm going to vote every day for my favorites, but I'm not going to waste time voting over and over and spending hours doing it. That's a waste of time better spent on other things. Who cares who wins? Because it's not really the People's Choice, but the choice of how many fans voting multiple times because they want their favorites to win. I hate to say it, but if you could only vote one time, Supernatural wouldn't even stand a chance. I'm probably not even going to watch the Award show when it comes on, but I'll see who won after.

Vampire Diaries Just Keeps Getting Better And Better

I'm loving Vampire Diaries this season. I love the whole cast and the new characters that have come on. The writers always seem to be coming up with something new each season. I'm always surprised and shocked at the end of each episode and then I can't wait for the next one. I love how the writers manage to tell both Damon and Stefan's stories. Neither of them are neglected. Not like Supernatural. It seems like the writers just think everyone wants to see Dean and his supernatural lovers and not see Sam at all. Sam is shoved into the background and most of the time, I forget he's even a main character of the show. Sam fans are treated like crap by the writers, producers and the show runner. We get nothing. Ian and Paul fans should be happy because they get to see both of them. I love watching Elena with Stefan. In my personal opinion, they just have more chemistry and their scenes touch me and have made me cry. I love Elena with Damon as well. I loved watching Elena feed on that girl and then start dancing with Damon. That scene was just too hot for words. I think some fans of the show forget that this is a love triangle between Damon, Elena and Stefan. It's not about one or the other being with her all the time. That would get boring.
My other shows have been awesome so far this year. I even started to watch Emily Owens M.D. and it's better than Supernatural. All my shows are. That's what makes me so sad. I used to watch Supernatural to make me feel happy and now I just get depressed watching it. It's boring as well. I could care less about the new characters on the show. The only character left worth watching is Crowley and maybe Castiel when he gets out of Purgatory (or the forest).  All those Purgatory flashbacks are boring and stupid. Even Sam's flashbacks are boring. Now Sam is a handyman. Whatever.

I haven't posted for a while because my Mom has been in the hospital. She needed stents in her heart and a pacemaker. For a while, we thought she wouldn't make it. I was scared that she was going to die. She's okay right now and she's coming home tomorrow. I love my Mom and I've been praying for her. If it had been her time to die, then I would have let her go. Everyone dies. It's hard to let go of their physical being, but you have to find a way to do that. Everyone that I've loved and has died, will always be in my heart and memories until I die. I'm just glad that I have so many good memories of my Mom and I. I've spent a lot of time with her and I live with her. I never moved out. My father died 15 years ago already. It's hard to believe he's been gone that long. So many people in my life have died already, but they are always with me. I just think about them and they are here with me. I thank God every day that I've been blessed with so many memories and happy times. There have been bad days as well, but the good far out number the bad.
While all this was happening to my Mom, I watched old episodes of Supernatural, plus all my new shows to comfort myself.

One more thing before I end this post. I bought my Jared photo op for the Vegas Con on Monday and when I looked at the site on Wed. they were all sold out. I might have gotten the last one. I can't believe I almost didn't get my photo op. This will probably be the last Con I go to. I want it to be the best one. I've gotten all my stuff for the project I'm doing and now I can start it. I was released from work, so I'll have the time now.

Frightmares, My Weekend And Other Stuff

This last Saturday I went to Frightmares again. It was the second time I've gone so far this year. I had fun going to all the haunted houses and I was with my family and that made it even better. I love spending time with people I love. Sometimes it seems like I don't get to spend as much time as I would like with them.
I also went to my aunt's 80th birthday party. It was nice to see my relatives again. I don't even know most of them because I hardly ever see them except at funerals. That's pretty sad. It was nice to see them and spend time with them at a happy occasion.

My whole weekend was busy. I went shopping on Friday. My sister bought me seven Blake Shelton Cd's and that made me very happy. I can't get enough of listening to him. I already loaded how many songs onto my MP3 player to listen to at work. I love that I get to see Blake on The Voice and listen to him as well.
My sister also took my Mom and I out to dinner at Red Lobster. I love eating there. I spent the rest of the weekend reading and relaxing.

The TV season has finally started full swing. Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries are going to be on this week and I bet both of them are going to be great. I'm going to see if Beauty And The Beast is any good and I might end up watching it if it is. I watched Supernaturals premiere and I was bored. I never expected anything and that's exactly what I got. Nothing like usual, just the same old tired crap. That was the worst season premiere of Supernatural or any show that I've watched. I thought Lazarus Rising was boring, but at least it had a few surprises. Maybe the rest of the season will get better, but I seriously doubt it. It will probably be The Dean Show now until the show is over for good. Whatever. Dean fans can watch and love it all they want to. Hopefully, Jared will get more time off to be with Gen and Thomas. And I'll just go to bed early if it sucks and is all sniveling Dean.

I think I'm done posting for now. I'm happy and I hope everyone in the world finds some happiness.

Once Upon A Time: Season 2

I just finished watching the first episode of the second season called Broken. I absolutely loved it. I'm so very happy that this show is on. I finally have something new to watch that surprises and amazes me every time I watch. I read of few of the spoilers, but they never spoiled the surprises. I saw some promos as well and I had no idea what was going to happen.

The best part of this show is the writing. I love how it is written. I do so love all the actors and actresses as well. I can't believe how many characters have been on and how many more are going to be coming. I'm excited to find out what characters are going to be coming next. It's almost like watching two shows at once, but they are the same. I love the special effects with all the creatures and the other lands and just everything.
The show must have a pretty good budget because the stuff looks so good. You feel like you are somewhere magical when watching. It's like you want to jump in your TV set and join in on all the action and be a part of it.

One of the best things about this show is that I feel something for all the characters whether they are good or evil. The writers help you get to know them and why they do what they do. You see a glimpse into every character on the show. I feel for Regina and she's the evil queen and I love Rumpelstiltskin/ Mr. Gold. I love all the character interaction. There is so much going on and the hour flies by so fast and leaves me wanting more.

The magic has arrived and I love it and can't wait for more.

Blake Shelton And Other Stuff

                                                                                              I just discovered Blake Shelton and I'm so happy that I did. I started to watch The Voice and I loved him right away. He has the cutest smile and laugh. I heard him talk and I just knew that his singing would be great as well. I bought his album Red River Blue and I love every song on it. I never heard one song from it before I bought the album.  I sometimes do that. I will buy a CD of a certain artist and I've never even heard one of their songs and it's either hit or miss. I've bought some bad CD's, but most of the ones I've bought, I've loved. I never really get a chance to hear country music. I don't listen to the radio. I have to discover music from either TV shows, movies or something else. I saw that Blake has a Christmas album coming out and I'm going to buy that right away. I'll be watching The Voice as well and I'm happy I found something new to watch. I went and bought the Supernatural season 7 DVD set. I love how many episodes and I'll be watching them. I'm still not happy reading what's coming up for season 8. More angels, demons and other crap. I'm wondering if good old Michael is going to enter the picture again. Maybe some of those Dean fans who wanted Dean to be Michael or see him being Michael's vessel will get their wish. Michael will save the world, but it won't be Dean, so who gives a crap. I just wonder if they're going to bring up Michael and Lucifer again. They are supposedly trapped in the cage in hell together. With all this quest crap, I'm sure it will come up again. I'd love to see Sam drink demon blood right in front of his new love. I doubt she'd want to be with him after that. And if she did, she's either nuts or something. I doubt Sam is going to be completely and totally honest about everything with her because if he is. Then she's either a saint or crazy. I've stopped caring what's coming up on Supernatural. I'll either like it or not. I'll either watch it or go to bed early. If there is some other show I like on at the same time, then I may watch it instead. Who knows? I'm just done obsessing about it already or at least I hope I am. I bought the new calendars only out of loyalty and I still love Jared and Jensen. I loved that short video with Jared and Jensen more than I've liked scenes with Sam and Dean. I'll always love them and how many of the other actors and actresses that have been on the show. I can't wait for the Vegas Con. Who cares whether I'm watching the show or not? It's going to be fun. I love being around all the stars and it's like one big three day party of fun. Louden Swain is going to be in concert and I can't wait to see them again. The karaoke party is always fun and I love Vegas. I can't wait to go on vacation and that will be my vacation for next year. Okay I think I'm done for now.