Smallville And Supernatural episode 8

I loved both Smallville and Supernatural's episodes. They were both great and I just love watching them together. You watch stuff on Smallville and then think about it while watching Supernatural.
I loved seeing Tess and finding out she's a Luthor. I kind of had it figured out by the middle of the show. It was nice that Clark got to see his parents again. His real parents and that Lois watched the tape of her Mom. Parents are one thing Sam and Dean never really had on Supernatural. They lost their mother when they were little and Sam never even got to know her at all. I love that about Sam's character too. That he loves his mother and always has, even though he never got to know her.
The shallow side of me, loved seeing Tom Welling with his shirt off. Man, does he have one hot body.

Supernatural made me laugh from the start to almost the end. It was one of my favorite so far this season. Sure, Sam doesn't have his soul, but Jared is so great that it doesn't really matter. I'm hoping that Sam gets his soul back soon, but are we going to see all his emotions and feelings hit him at once, when it's restored. That will be a whole hell of a lot for Sam to handle. I hope we get to see it and they don't try to pull something like making Sam forget things or something like that.
I loved that german shepherd dog in the episode because it did a great job of acting. When the dog was staring at that woman and when it was watching TV. You knew it was the guy, but it was funny to watch. I liked the whole storyline and plot of this episode and I hope there are more like it on the way. Next week's looks like it's going to be really funny and good. I can't wait for it.

I've been reading some posts on the CW message board again. The interesting ones, not the stupidity. I'm so tired of the dumb posters who think they have to defend fictional characters. Sure, you can defend them a little, but when you start bashing on other posters and acting like a complete nutcase, then you have a problem with telling the difference between reality and fantasy. I'd love to bash Sam and Dean all over that message board because I love them so much. It's just too damn funny to me. I'm not going to respond to idiots anymore and I'm just going to ignore them and post whatever I want to. I love to read what people are thinking about and all their thoughts, theories and ideas about the show. I love the variety and how people see the show and the characters, but I won't deal with idiots who think I have to think the same way they do about everything. It's just plain scary sometimes. You never know who some of those people are or where they're really at. I sometimes wonder about a certain someone on that board and if they're not on drugs or just crazy in the head or something.

I can be a royal bitch when I want to be and I can freely admit that. I have crazy thoughts and ideas, but I don't try to force other people to accept them. People can read what I write and hopefully they have their own brains to think about things with and have their own thoughts about everything. My thoughts are my own and I love to express them. Sure, I can be sarcastic at times, but some people just make me angry. I can be serious or funny at times too. I'm going to be me and I personally like myself, so I don't really care if anyone else likes me or not. I like most of the posters on the CW message board. There are just a few that should get a life and do something else besides obsessing over Supernatural and Dean or whether someone is bashing his character or whatnot. Dean can never be hurt by anything anyone says because he is fictional and it just kills me, when idiots can't realize it. You can love fictional characters because I do, but when you think of them as real and defend them like they're real,then I think you have a problem.

Okay, I'm done for now. I can't wait for next Friday. It was fun this Friday because my niece is in town for a visit and it's nice spending time with her.

Why I Love Sam Winchester And He's My Favorite TV Character?

Why do I love Sam Winchester? The main reason I love him is because Jared Padalecki brings him to life and I love Jared. Jared makes me feel good every time that I watch him. I remember the first time I saw him on Gilmore Girls. He smiled and I smiled and it was like the sun came out or something. He has such a wonderful and bright smile and he makes me feel good when he smiles. I still remember the time I watched a video someone made of clips of Jared on YouTube and him smiling and laughing. I went to work feeling great and I sat there all day thinking of him and I was happy. I know that sounds dumb or lame to other people, but that's how I feel.

I love Sam's character because I feel kind of like him. I'm the youngest sibling in my family. I have three older sisters and an older brother. I don't think anyone can know what it's like to be a younger sibling, unless you've been one. My older siblings think they know everything and that they have to teach me everything and that I don't know things. I doubt my older siblings even know who I am. I'm always acting like they want me to or expect me to and I think that's what Sam does with Dean at times. Sam just goes along with Dean because it's easier than trying to fight him on things or explain how he feels. Most of the time, it seems that Dean doesn't care how Sam feels or what Sam wants. Dean thought he had to keep Sam on the straight and narrow. I thought that was kind of funny coming from Dean in Point Of No Return. Maybe the straight and narrow of hunting or something, but not with the law or life. Sam is the one that always wanted to earn money honestly instead of credit card fraud or hustling pool. Sam didn't like getting in trouble with the law and he even was going to become a lawyer and Dean thought it was fun or neat when they got arrested. Like he was proud of it or something. I loved that Dean.
I think I'm most like Sam because Sam said that he has something inside of him and he catches glimpses of it. Like he goes too far or he would if he was pushed. I think I would too. If someone pushed certain buttons of mine, I don't know what I'd do and sometimes I'm afraid of that. I have darkness inside of me and I've faced that darkness. I know who I am and what I could be capable of, if push came to shove. I don't think my family even knows that about me. I try to be a good person and to do the right thing and I always will because I do believe in God. I don't think Sam ever stopped believing in God. That's just my opinion because we've never heard lately what Sam has thought about God, only Dean. We know that Sam used to pray to God and who says God never answered his prayers. Maybe God was watching over him and it's funny because Dean never had any faith that there was a God and that's why he always thought he had to protect Sam and no one else.

I just know that I love Sam's character because Sam always tries to fight that evil inside of him and turn it into something good. He might use evil to fight evil, but maybe sometimes that's what you have to do, especially in the Supernatural world of TV. Sam has always been caring and kind and if Sam was a real person, I'd let him in my door if he came around. Dean on the other hand, I'd be wary of. Sam just has a way of looking at people with his big puppy dog eyes and you just want to let him in and you trust him. I love how Dean told that couple in Scarecrow, that if his brother was there, he'd look at them with his puppy dog eyes and they'd believe him. Sam has that kind of power and that's the most important one of all.

I've loved a whole lot of characters on TV in the last 30 some years I've been watching and I think Sam Winchester tops my list of my favorite of all characters ever. He's no. 1 on my list and it's a really long long list. I've loved a whole lot of TV shows and a whole ton of characters on all those shows. I'm grateful and I love Jared for playing Sam for the past five seasons of the show.

I'm sure I had more to write, but most of the time, it goes out of my head before I can write it all down.

These Pics Are Funny As Hell

I love these pics. Sam doesn't even look like Sam, but he's hot. Then Dean looks mean as always. I love how idiots think Dean is the good brother and Sam is the bad brother. Yes, Sam is bad for saving the world and helping people and fighting evil. That makes me laugh. Dean is the good brother for making deal a with a demon for Sam's soul and going to hell and torturing. Dean has helped evil all along and still doesn't get it. I wonder when he'll ever learn, probably never.
Then stupid fans who think Sam needs to be saved or redeemed. Redeemed for what? What has Sam done that's been so wrong? He's killed demons, monsters and became Lucifer's vessel to save the world and he needs to be redeemed. What has Dean done? Nothing as far as I'm concerned. All Dean has done is lose faith in God, Sam and himself. Now, Dean thinks he needs to watch and protect Sam again like he's a child or something. Sam's been without a soul for a year and where the hell was Dean. Playing house with Lisa and Ben. Then Dean doesn't even care about them, because if he did, he'd be going to Lisa to talk to her and not calling her. I think it's funny that Dean thinks Sam doesn't know right from wrong again. When the hell has Dean ever known right from wrong. If Sam was dangerous, then he'd be raping women instead of paying them for sex. He'd be out killing people, instead of monsters. He would be stealing and doing all kinds of things. Sam still has a brain, but I wonder about Dean's. So many of his brain cells are probably gone from all the booze he's consumed and he thinks he's the smarter brother. Sam might not have a soul, but Dean does and he said that Sam was acting like him. Crazy, is what it is.

All evil will see the light. Who knows what that means, but I highly doubt it's the light of Dean Winchester when he's darker than Sam. Dean has light behind him and Sam has a white snake on his arm and a red shirt on. Here's what I think they mean. I think Sam symbolizes free will and Dean symbolizes paradise. Not evil and good or dark or light. Sam was Lucifer's vessel and what did Lucifer end up giving humans, but free will. Dean was Michael's vessel and he wanted paradise and peace or something. I'll take free will over paradise any day. What price is paradise? I love how Sam has always been able to stand on his own and Dean always has to cling to someone or follow someone.
Did Dean want freedom and free will or peace and paradise? What did he have with Lisa? It seems like Dean just went along with that life and that he wasn't truly happy with it because is that what Dean really wanted. If Dean wanted it so badly, he would've went back to Lisa and Ben and tried to be with them. He's just given up on it.

I still wonder about Sam. Is that even Sam at all? We were already lied to. They said it was a hundred percent Sam and that was a lie because if it was, he would've had his soul. I wonder if that isn't an angel posing as Sam and Sam is somewhere else being kept safe or something. It's just a theory I was thinking about. Probably wrong, but I love to think up new ones. I was thinking it could be any angel looking like Sam, maybe Gabriel or another angel helping Castiel. I was wondering if Castiel doesn't know more than he's letting Dean know and he's trying to find out what's going on. With all the weapons disappearing from Heaven and all the other stuff going on. Then I think about Sam under that streetlight and it going out. Was that just the writer's messing with everyone or was that when the angel came that's posing as Sam or was there an angel with Sam watching Dean.
I still don't think Sam went to hell at all or at least I'm hoping that. Even if Sam didn't have a soul, he'd be able to remember something. If Dean did, then Sam should be able to.

I love the picture with Sam standing in the middle and Dean and Castiel on both sides of him. What does that picture mean? Why is Sam in the middle of the picture? I still wonder if Sam isn't the balance between good and evil. It's seems that he's had both inside of him and he's been able to fight the evil that's been in him and do good. He used demon powers to either send demons back to hell or kill them. So he turned that into something useful against evil. He used evil to fight evil and destroy it. I think that's who Sam is? I could be wrong. Who knows what's going on or what those crazy writer's are thinking? I love to think about it. I sometimes get tired of the mystery and idiot fans fighting over which brother is good or evil. They're both good and hopefully we'll see that. Or we'll see something else. I'm still waiting for the writer's to deal with Dean's issues that have been going on forever. Dean's character is getting boring and I'm getting pissed off about it. I'm tired of Dean constantly thinking he has to save Sam or that Sam is the evil he has to destroy or kill or whatever. I guess I just hate Dean's attitude towards Sam. I thought Dean learned that love is what mattered and that maybe he'd have compassion finally for his brother, but that's still hasn't happened. I don't care if Sam has a soul or not. Dean has one and what does it look like. I think Dean needs to take a good hard look at himself and then see why he'll end up alone or why no one wants to be with him. He needs to love himself and be able to forgive himself for the things he's done, not what Sam has done. I don't think Dean has forgiven himself for breaking the first seal, for torturing souls in hell and for not stopping Sam from breaking the last seal. Dean probably blames himself and has put all of it on Sam and poor Sam just takes it like always. I still think when Dean punched Sam in You Can't Handle The Truth, he was punching himself and angry at himself and not Sam. Sam didn't do anything. Yeah, he let Dean be turned into a vampire, but what of it. Dean ended up being cured and Sam hasn't done anything to Dean. I love the stupid fans that think Dean should be afraid of Sam. If Sam wanted to hurt or kill Dean, he's had plenty of time to do it. Why would Sam want to hurt Dean in the first place? I just don't get that either. I think a lot of fans just want Sam to be the bad brother or the wrong one so that Dean looks good or he's right all the time. That's just a crock of shit and I get tired of reading the crap. I may joke about Dean, but I don't go all over the internet and say how rotten and horrible he is and that Sam should beat the crap out of him or kill him like some Dean fans say Dean should do that to Sam. Like Sam deserves to be beaten up by Dean for what.

I think some fans forget that Sam and Dean are not children and they're grown men. Sam is a grown up and he does not have to do whatever Dean tells him to do. Like Dean knows everything and Sam should just follow along like he's brainless and doesn't know anything and Dean knows it all. Dean has been wrong countless times and he's lucky he had Sam there when he screwed up. Same goes for Sam. If Sam never knew right from wrong or good from evil, then he would've been evil long ago and Dean would've probably been dead. If Sam or Dean didn't want to be with each other, then all they'd have to do is either kill each other, stop sacrificing themselves for each other or go their separate ways. I just wish the writer's would come up with some fresh storylines and something fresh for Dean's character. Sam has had how much happen with his character, but Dean has stayed static and is now getting boring already. Dean went to hell and came back and acted the same way he always did. He might have cried more, but that's about it. Otherwise, there has been no character development with Dean and he seems to be going backward again. Sam on the other hand just gets more interesting. First he learned he had powers, then he found out others were like him. He died and Dean brought him back to life and he found out Azazel had some plan for him to be a leader of a demon army. Ruby came along and made Sam's story more interesting because she wanted to help him. Then in season 4, Sam was more interesting, but we hardly got to see anything so we could see Dean crying or doing nothing. Sam was drinking demon blood and using his powers. Who knows what powers he really had and we'll probably never know? Then season 5, we found out he was Lucifer's vessel and that added more to his character. Dean has just been Dean and only Dean. Sure he was supposed to be Michael's vessel, but who cares? That whole crap was boring and then this crap with Lisa and Ben. Boring. It would be nice to see some other side to Dean or something. I caught a glimpse of it, but who knows if we'll get to see more or not.

Wow this is long, but who cares?

What's The Deal With Vampires?

Vampires are great and I've loved them for years. I remember back when I was a kid and Salem's Lot came out. I loved that vampire movie and it scared the crap out of me. I was scared that some kid was going to come knocking or scraping on my window to get in. Plus I was in love with David Soul.

Now vampires are everywhere you look. I think it has to do with the success of Stephenie Meyers books, but vampire have always been hot for years. Anne Rice has written some of the best vamp books out there. And I totally love Maggie Shayne's vamp books. She knows vamp romance and writes way better than Stephanie Meyers. I like the Twilight series, but I don't think they're that great. I remember reading the first book and I forgot I even read it. I started to read it and then remembered it. The Vampire Diaries books were even better than the Twilight books. I've been reading The House Of Night series and they've been very good so far. I just finished reading the fourth book.

I love Vampire Diaries on TV and I'm glad it's a TV show. I think the show has just gotten better and better. It was pretty good last year and now this year it's hotter than ever. I love that all the characters are becoming involved in what's happening and they're using them to the best advantage they can. I'm starting to enjoy watching Vamp Diaries more than Supernatural and that's sad. I'm still obsessed with Supernatural, but I don't think I love it as much as I used to. They're just making it too strange and mysterious to watch. I love Jared and Jensen and I love watching them, so that's why I'm still watching and will continue to. Unless it gets even more crazy than it's been and then I don't know anymore. At least, I still love what's happening on Vamp Diaries and things aren't crazy yet on it.

I love vampires and always have. I think a lot of people do and that's why they are popular right now and have been in the past. They are romantic, frightening, evil, sexy and a whole lot more.

Family Matters

It's funny that both Smallville and Supernatural both had family matters. Smallville was about Lois and her family mainly and I actually enjoyed the episode. Some parts were really funny and I just loved seeing Clark smile like he used to. It's kind of like the Lois and Clark show now, but I don't mind because I'm enjoying it too much. It's the final season and they're probably giving fans what they want to see and you're seeing plenty of Clark. This season probably has the least main characters ever. I'm surprised at that. I still miss Chloe and hope to see her soon.

Now for Supernatural. I liked Family Matters and that we got a few answers to some questions, but now there are even more questions. Where is Sam's soul and how can he be walking around without a soul? I still think that's a mystery. How can Crowley have Sam's soul and especially if he never sold his soul to him? Dean sold his soul and made a deal for Sam and now Dean supposedly has his soul. I just don't get that at all. Castiel and how many other angels helped bust Dean out of hell, but how did Dean get out of his contract? Is he out of his contract or does someone still own his soul and gave it back to him for a while and for a purpose? Like Crowley maybe. I still think he's the one that held Dean's contract and not Lilith. Crowley was the King Of The Crossroads, so I bet every deal went through him and he holds all the contracts.
I liked seeing Christian and Gwen Campbell again. I liked seeing the Campbell's period. I wonder when Christian was possessed. Now we know that Gram pa Campbell has his soul and he's helping Crowley, but for what reason?
As for Sam and Dean. I just don't know anymore. I hope Sam doesn't become Dean's lap dog now. Dean telling Sam what to do because Sam can't tell right from wrong and Dean can. That's just laughable. Dean who trusted Crowley to begin with and now he's telling Sam stuff. I hate to say it, but soul less Sam is better than Dean with a soul. I liked how Sam untied the ropes binding him to that chair and I still wonder if Sam still isn't something more than just human. Crowley is looking for purgatory, but how do we know if Sam hasn't been there before. We never got to see him with a reaper, so what if he went to purgatory before Dean made the deal for him to come back. Sam has been called a freak and look at all the stuff he's done. He's drank demon blood and been a vessel for Lucifer, so maybe he's just like all the creatures and monsters and if they go to purgatory, maybe that's where Sam will go or has been before. It's all really confusing to think about right now. Sometimes I just don't even want to think about it at all.

Tonight I watched Mystery Spot because I wanted to see Sam and Dean and how I loved them the most. I think season 3 was the last time that we got to see Sam and Dean acting like real brothers and who knows when we'll ever see them like that again. I don't think they've felt right since the fourth season started to now. Dean constantly mistrusts Sam and now it's happening all over again because Sam doesn't have a soul. With or without one, Dean would still not trust him and that makes me angry. Sam always trusts Dean, but Dean can't trust Sam. Dean can trust Castiel, Crowley and how many others and he's right to do it, but Sam trusts anyone and he's wrong and evil or something. I just hope we don't see Sam doing everything Dean tells him to do like some robot or something. I'll be pissed about that, if it happens.

I've been listening to my Vampire Diaries soundtrack. I just love the songs on there and especially the one called Down. I love new music and I try to find all the new music that I can. I still love all the classic music that's played on Supernatural, but sometimes it hurts to listen to those songs. They remind me of things and the past and I get sucked back in time or something. I start to cry because I just want to find a time machine and jump in it and go back to when those songs were playing on the radio and on my record player. I like new music because it doesn't remind me of the past so much and there are a lot of good singers and bands out there right now.

I've needed to listen to music right now because it's like a drug. This last week, my mom and I got a new roof put on our house and we're going to get some other stuff done like doors, windows and siding. Then my stupid sinuses have been killing me and my teeth. I just want to rip this one wisdom tooth out myself, but how much of it's stuck under my gum because my mouth is too tiny. Wisdom teeth do not give you wisdom, they're just a pain and a headache. I hate going to the dentist, but now I don't have a choice. I should just get all my teeth pulled out of my head and get dentures. I wish I could afford dental implants, but I'm not rich. They'd be nice and I'd have wonderful and beautiful teeth. Something I've never had. I guess that's enought whining about myself and my stupid teeth. I have to whine about it somewhere.

This is a long post, but I don't care. I haven't been in the mood to write lately. It might have something to do with not sleeping enough or that I'm depressed. I don't know. I've been playing with my little Sammy and Co to cheer me up and they always do that. It's scary that they can. I'd go on a message board, but I'm not going to deal with that crap again. I swear it's like when I was in High School or something. There's always some bitch that wants to start something with you over nothing. I'm over it. I'm just going to keep to myself for a while, just like I've done all my life. Sometimes it's better that way.

Vampire Diaries And Lauren Cohan

Tonight's Vampire Diaries was one of the best yet. I loved seeing Lauren Cohan as Rose on there. It was great to see her on the CW again and one of my favorite shows. I still miss seeing her as Bela on Supernatural. I always wished she would come back, but I doubt it. It looks like her character will be on again, so I get to see her some more on Vamp Diaries. I get to see Katie on Gossip Girl. I'm just glad these two actresses are doing so well and I get to see them on my other shows.

I love Vampire Diaries because the show can really make all the characters into three dimensional characters that I love. I love them all. I want to see them and all their storylines. It's not just about Stephan, Damon and Elena, but all the other characters as well. I like how we get to see things from both Stephan's and Damon's side and not just one or the other like on Supernatural with Sam and Dean. It seems like all we get to see anymore is Dean and Dean's side to everything. How Dean is feeling and how everything affects him, but nothing for Sam? It's been almost that way for two years running now and it's getting old. Sure you have some Sam every once in a while and the writer's throw out a bone to us Sam fans and that's about all we get. It would be nice if we finally got some really good Sam insight and storyline for a change. With more focus on Sam and less on Dean for once. That would be nice, but I highly doubt it will ever happen. Every Dean fan would freak out of their minds and go ballistic or something.

I just got my Vampire Diaries soundtrack tonight and Stephan's Diary which is a new book. I also got my Supernatural season 5 book that I've been waiting months for.
I just hope Vampire Diaries doesn't take Supernatural's place as my favorite show. I don't think it will, but I'm getting tired of just watching Dean's story and that's it. I want more. I want to see some real females on Supernatural and not whining and crying ones who need someone to save them. They don't even have to be main or recurring characters, but it would be nice to see some females and not just all males. I love men, but I like to see woman too. I love Vampire Diaries because they have such a wide range of interesting female characters as well as male and they all make the show even better when they interact.

Supernatural is on tomorrow and it better blow me away already. I'm getting sick of Dean always thinking Sam is some kind of monster or someone who is out to make his life hell or something. Dean did bring Sam back to life with the stupid deal he made, so now he can just live with Sam and the choice he made already. I just want more for Supernatural because I love it and Sam and Dean and I'm getting so frustrated already with everything. I love the show, but my other shows are getting better and I'm losing some of my faith in it.

Dean Winchester And Other Stuff

Here's what I think about Dean Winchester right now. I still think Dean is a hunter through and through. He was raised by John to be a hunter at a young age. Who knows what age it was that John started to train him? I doubt it was when he was four, but I bet it was when he turned like six or seven for sure. A lot of fans believe that Dean raised Sam by himself. Dean did take care of Sam and protect him, but he wasn't the only one. There was Bobby, Pastor Jim and who knows who else that helped raise him besides John. It wasn't just all Dean raising Sam. I still think a part of Dean resents Sam and is angry at Sam because of the fact that Dean didn't get a life because he was always watching out for Sam. That was Dean's whole life for years. It was taking care of and protecting Sam. That was Dean's job and he did it well. Dean thought he failed when Sam was killed by Jake and went to go and make that deal because he didn't want to fail at his job of taking care of Sam. That's mainly why I think Dean made the deal and he didn't want to live alone without Sam because Sam was his whole life.
I sometimes wonder about the deal Dean made. Dean sold his soul for Sam, but not Sam's soul. Did Sam have a choice whether to go back into his body or not? If Sam went to Heaven, how do we know that the angels there didn't tell Sam things and that's why he came back. Of course they made Sam forget everything because Sam didn't remember anything at all. Plus we never saw Sam with a reaper at all. I still wish we'd find out why we never got to see Sam with a reaper. Why did the crossroads demon tell Sam that they didn't want his soul in hell, only Dean's? That's when Sam tried to exchange himself for Dean and go to hell for him. Now who knows where Sam's soul went. Did he go to Heaven? If Sam went to hell, then how did his body end up on earth and his soul in hell. I still think Sam and his body never went to hell at all. I think Lucifer and Michael went, but not Sam or Adam.
Back to Dean. Fans want to believe that Dean is so loving and cares so deeply about people. I've never thought that about Dean ever. Dean has always been about hunting. You watch him in the first couple of seasons and how he acts. When he gets excited about the first sawed off shot gun he made and he tells about the perks of the job and he means shooting guns. I think Dean does love the hunt and he does love to kill. What is Dean killing though? He's not going around killing people, he's killing monsters and evil things that want to hurt other people. I still can see him beating on that ghoul and just the look on his face. He was still beating and beating on the ghoul when Sam said his name and he finally went to help Sam. I think since Dean went to hell, he's been denying the part of himself that likes to kill and hunt because he's afraid of that part. He tortured souls in hell and loved doing it and it made all his pain go away. Maybe that's what hunting has done for him. When he hunts monsters and kills them, then the pain of losing people he loves goes away. The pain of losing his mom and dad and the normal life he wanted to live.
Dean does bury all his emotions and then drinks to try forget about it. Emotions are more than just crying and being sad. Emotions are anger too. Dean is probably angry about things himself and he tries to bury it. He told Sam to bury all that crap and that's what keeps them going. Maybe that's what made Dean such a bad ass hunter. He focuses on the hunt and doesn't let his emotions get in the way.
Look how the truth goddess brought out what Dean was lying to himself about. Dean saw himself in Sam. Sam was acting emotionless and you found out he didn't have a soul and he's just a hunting machine and that's what Dean has been for years. Dean told that's who Sam was acting like, himself. Dean just can't face the part of him that loves to kill and the part that maybe enjoys it. It is a part of him, but not all of who Dean is. You have to love everything about yourself to be whole and Dean will never be whole until he accepts that part of himself. Even Lisa told Dean the truth about himself and that he buries everything and then drinks.
Dean constantly talked about having a hole inside of him and that hole is that part of Dean that likes to hunt and kill. Dean doesn't want to accept it and he'll never be able to live his life until he does or be a whole person. That's why Dean came back from hell and acted so weak because he tried to leave that part of himself in hell because he couldn't face it.
I think Dean beat the crap out of Sam in You Can't Handle The Truth because he wasn't thinking about Sam but himself. It was like Dean was looking and beating himself and not Sam. He saw himself and how he acts by watching Sam doing what he was doing.
I do think Dean is a very complex character. I don't think he's evil or wrong or bad. Dean never got the chance to grow up and experience all the wonders of a normal childhood and that affected Dean in many different ways. I love Dean's character because I can tell Dean does feel strongly about all kinds of things. Even though Dean can't tell anyone he loves them, it's not like he doesn't. He's just afraid to because he's afraid to lose them or they'll leave him. His mother left him, his father left him and so did Sam. They all left him at some point. I think Dean is afraid of being alone and that's another reason he made the deal for Sam. He didn't want to be alone or be left alone.
As for Dean ever being a family man. I think Dean went through the motions of living a normal life with Lisa and I don't think he was ever truly happy at any point. I think that Dean could have a normal life one day and that he could be a great father and husband, but that's only if Dean can accept everything about himself first. Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself and I don't think Dean ever has. Maybe Dean can't forgive himself for what he did in hell and breaking the first seal. And he has low self worth or no self worth at all and if he never finds out who he is and loves himself, he'll never have self worth. It doesn't matter if he saves Sam, other people or the whole world. The one person Dean needs to save the most is himself. He needs to accept that part of him that he doesn't want to. It is a part of him and a very important one that he needs to be whole. Once he accepts that, then the hole inside of him will be filled and maybe he won't feel dead.

This is just how I feel right now about Dean and what's happening. I could be right about some things and I'm probably wrong about some stuff too. I just love both Sam and Dean and Supernatural. I love to think about both Sam and Dean and why they do what they do. I love them for who they are. That's why I don't like going on certain message boards and reading all the crap. I love how some fans think the writer's can't write Sam and Dean properly or they're writing the characters the wrong way. They're the writers and some of them have been writing Sam and Dean since the show started. I think they know them more than the fans do. The fans just want Sam and Dean to be who they want them to be and not who they really are and that's sad. I think the writer's have done a great job of writing both characters and I love them both. I love all the other characters that have come and gone on the show too.

The Truth

I have never laughed so hard in my life after tonight's episode of Supernatural. It just killed me. I loved the end of Smallville too. I laughed so hard at what happened at the end and I just kept laughing right into Supernatural. This is just what I needed after this week.

As for the episode of Supernatural. Now we know the truth about Sam or we do next week. Sam has no soul. Where the hell is it? How can he be walking and talking and animated without a soul? Maybe he's just on auto pilot or something. I guess we'll find out next week. As for Dean. I tried to tell those people on that message board about Dean and they just don't get it. Dean was born a hunter, raised a hunter and will always be a hunter. He is a killer and he knows it. He knows what's inside him and who he is and he's been trying to lie to himself about it and be something he's not. I'm sure Dean is afraid of that part of himself. I don't think Dean is some cold blooded killer either. He does care, but in his own way. It's funny because some fans just want Dean to be Sam or ascribe Sam's emotions or what Sam wants to what Dean wants or something. Sam is Sam and Dean is Dean and they will never be like each other. I could tell a whole complicated thing about why Dean is like he is, but I'm not. I love Dean for who he is and always will and the same goes for Sam.

I just found out a truth about someone I know and was very surprised and shocked about it. I didn't know that was going on and it was interesting to find out. I don't know why people lie because most of the time someone is going to find out the truth. People like to lie to themselves too and I guess it makes them feel better for a while until they have to face themselves and the truth about themselves.

I went to my Aunt's funeral on Thursday. My aunt wrote her own obituary and it was really long and it cost 600 hundred dollars and someone paid for and my cousin doesn't know who. It was probably his church. They really helped him. Her obit was very nice and I loved reading it. She did live a simple life and wanted a simple graveyard service and that's what she got. I hope my cousin is going to be alright. I prayed for him at the funeral and I'll pray everyday that God will give him the strength to move on. It's hard because you want to see the person you lost and know the only way you'll see them is memory. It's very hard to accept. At the funeral, I just thought about all the good times that I had with my aunt and everything she did for me. I felt a peace and I've always felt peace at funerals. I never feel sad for the person who died, but only for their loved ones that are left behind to live without them. It was very nice to see some of my relatives again. It's rare that I get to spend time with them and I should make time to spend more time with them.

God has always given me strength to get through things and I pray that he gives strength to anyone who needs it. I wouldn't be here on this Earth right now, if God had not given me the strength to keep on living at the time I needed him the most. He was there for me. That's one thing I always have to keep in mind about Supernatural. It's just a story and a show and not real. I believe in God and he is always there when you need him and he would never leave us or Heaven. It's sad that God hasn't lost faith in us, but some people have lost faith in him. They think God should solve all their problems and fix everything. God helps you with your problems so that you can learn and grow. I've always thought that God wanted us to rise above our humanity and become something better than we are and what do we do. We wallow in our humanity and use it to excuse our every sin instead. God wanted us to love one another and all we seem to do is hate or fight one another. I wouldn't be surprised if God gave up on us, but I doubt he ever will. I love a song called God Don't Give Up On Us. It's a wonderful song and there's a part in it that says nothing loved is ever lost. And about God not giving up on us and the part of us that's still beautiful. I cry when I listen to this song.

Well this has been a long post and I feel better and good right now about everything. I hope I keep on feeling good and nothing else happens to change that.

Cold Turkey

Okay, I'm going cold turkey again and I hope it works. I'm referring to message boards again. I swear I'm addicted. I'm not going to respond to any posts. I'm sick of stupid bitch's trying to fight and start something with me all the time over nothing, especially one in particular. She can rule that one board like the Queen Bitch she is. I love her crap about how both Sam and Dean are like equals. What a bunch of bullshit? She can lie all she wants to herself and others. I will go to my Hell House and My I love Sammy Thread on the CW Board and that's it. I may read some intelligent posts from certain posters on there, but that's about it. I'll try to stay here and my other places. I've been thinking about a new spoof and Sammy's chocolate milk story, so hopefully I'll be able to write them this weekend.

I need to read more too. I haven't been reading as many books as I've liked to and I need to get back to reading more books and less crap on message boards.

I love Friday nights now because my sisters and brother and I make a night out of the shows being on. We buy pie to eat while Supernatural is on. I go over to my sister's house to watch on her big TV. I love both Smallville and Supernatural being together on the same night. It's nice. I miss it with Vampire Diaries, but last week Vamp Diaries would've kicked it's ass for best show of the week.

I need to stay off message boards because all it does is cause me stress and you can't find anyone to have a decent discussion or anything. I mean about current episodes and what's happened on them and not old ones. I always pick up all these negative vibes from people after an episode and it's depressing. Then everyone thinking Sam is evil and that he's smirking instead of smiling. Give me a break with that shit already. It's old. Dean is not Mr. Righteous and he doesn't always do what's right. Dean isn't any more righteous than Sam is and I think Sam tries to do what's right more than Dean does.

I'll have to see how I'll do and hopefully I'll get over my addiction. I stayed off there for a week straight and I can do it again. I just get curious and want to know what others think. It gives me something to think about at work when I'm doing my job and the time goes faster. I don't know why. So I can see how they think of Sam and that they mostly think the worst of him and Jared. I must love to torture myself or something. I'm going to try and stop and then I'll be happy and happy with Supernatural.

My Aunt Verna

I have to make this my personal blog because I deleted my other one last year. My aunt Verna died yesterday morning. She was my favorite aunt. I hadn't seen her for a while and she lived not too far away. I'm glad I got to see her twice recently before she died. She was 90 so she lived a pretty long life. She lost her husband quite a while back. That's the hard part of getting older because everyone dies. A lot of my aunts and uncles have died and my father died 13 years ago. I guess I was upset yesterday and depressed and I needed to distract myself and what did I get, just more depressed. I didn't think I'd be so sad about her dying.
Last month my aunt broke her leg because a dog in their next door neighbor's yard scared her. She was outside screaming and in pain for over an hour before anyone heard her. That was just terrible to hear and that she suffered like that. Then she was in pain until she died. At least now her pain is all gone.
I'll always remember her smiling at me and she used to have this special wave when we said goodbye when I was a kid. She called it a monster wave. I can just seeing her waving at me. I spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house, more time than any of my other relatives. I can still remember my uncle Peter her husband. She's lived a while without him and now hopefully she'll see him again.
I always remember all the special people that have come and gone in my life. They will always be in my memory and nothing can ever take that away. Sometimes I wish I could still see these people and talk to them, but now I can only see them in my memories.

It was sick and sad going on that CW message board and being treated like shit yet again because of fictional characters that are just that. I love these fictional characters but I don't see the need to defend them or try to hurt someone real over them. It's stupid and sad. I guess that certain someone on there has no one in her life and is so obsessed that she needs to spend her whole day on there patrolling the board and worrying about who's bashing Dean or Sam. Who cares? And the other one must love spending her time there too and looking for other posters she can turn into the mods over nothing. It's just ridiculous. Maybe I needed a distraction and I wanted to talk and think about something besides my aunt dying, but I won't try again on there to talk to anyone. It's totally pointless and worthless. They all just want to cry and whine over either Sam or Dean. Or the show sucks now and they want it to be like it was before. I love how it is now and I don't care how Sam acts or Dean acts or whatever. It's entertainment and I love Supernatural and won't stop loving it and all the characters. I love real people too and not just TV people. I sometimes wish I could tell all my family how much I love them. I hope they know. Sometimes I want to punch my older brother or my older sisters and then sometimes I want to hug them and tell them I love them.
I guess I can just start staying here on my blog to post personal things and just go there with crazy theories and stuff. I don't know if anyone gets a laugh or anything out of what I write on there, but if they do, then I'm glad. That's why I write on there and I try to make people laugh or feel better about the show. I try to be as positive as I can, but all I seem to get is negative crap thrown at me.

I hope there is a Heaven and that all my relatives and the people I've loved are there right now together. I sometimes believe in reincarnation. It's interesting and it would be nice. It would be nice if you could choose what you want to come back as. An animal or a person a plant or whatever. It's nice to think about it. It's nice to think that you do go on forever somewhere. Here and somewhere else.