Nikita Sucks and So Does The CW

I'm just so angry at the CW right now. This is the like the biggest kick in the face to Smallville and Supernatural fans. Not airing the new episodes of both shows on Friday and airing repeats of Vampire Diaries and Nikita. I wonder what dumbass at CW made that decision. They think people are going to be watching American Idol instead of Vampire Diaries and Nikita. If you're a fan of either show, then you'd be watching them instead. Obviously, CW doesn't have very much faith in either of these two shows to think that their fans would watch something else instead of new episodes.

When Smallville and Supernatural were on Thursday nights and up against some of the top shows on TV, CW never repeated their episodes. Why was that? Because the rating were always good. If you really love a show and are a fan of that show, then nothing will stop you from watching it.

This decision of the CW's has made me hate Nikita even more. I've never watched the show and now I will never even give it a chance or even look at it. Shitting on Supernatural fans for a show that will probably be cancelled is not wise. Look what happened to Reaper. I never really cared about that show and I hated it for a while because CW took Supernatural off the air and put Reaper on in it's place for a month or so. It was to help Reaper and it really didn't. All that decision did was to make people hate Reaper. I started to watch Reaper and what happened to it. It was cancelled and CW didn't give a shit about it.

Smallville has probably kept the CW on the air for the last ten years and they treat this show like a piece of crap just like Supernatural. I've lost a lot of respect and love I had for the CW. I still appreciate them for having my favorite shows on, but this was the biggest kick in my face as a fan of their shows and the network. I guess that's what you get for being loyal nowadays. You get shit on and then kicked in the face and treated like dirt.

4 Days To Supernatural

Four more days to Supernatural. It's not long now. I can't wait to see Sam with his soul back, but I loved him without it too. Some fans can quit complaining about Sam and Dean having a beer together or being like brothers again. I seriously don't know why some fans didn't think Sam and Dean acted like brothers last season. Did they even watch the show or what? I watched and I saw them acting like brothers. It's like some fans think Sam and Dean should be hugging and kissing each other or something. I saw emotions and how many good brotherly moments between them. Maybe now that Sam has his soul back, we'll get to see more of them. I just hope that Dean treats Sam like a brother and not a monster or something. I'm getting tired of that crap already. I getting tired of Dean thinking Sam is some dangerous monster that he has to either save or kill. Dean acted like soulless Sam was going around and killing innocent people for no reason and doing other things just because he could. Soulless Sam would have just raped women instead of paying them for sex. Maybe Dean could not stand the fact that women found Sam more attractive than him. I thought that was funny as hell. I just hope we finally get something with Sam already and not more Dean moaning and groaning about everything. He's become a whining crybaby already about everything. I want the old Dean back already, not the one that constantly thinks he has to save or kill Sam. I want the Dean that used to care about Sam and treat him like a human being, even though I wonder if Sam is all human or not. Who the hell knows anymore?

I went on the Conventions site and now there is going to be fourteen guest stars. Wow! Now I'm really getting excited for the Con. It's going to be great. I just hope I have enough money to buy everything that I want to. My oldest sister is now regretting not going with me. I hope there is not going to be any problems with my sisters before the Con. I told my oldest sister that I needed to buy the tickets and asked her how many times if she was going and she decided not to. She wanted to drive down there and I didn't. I can't stand that long drive, when the flight is only about an hour and a half. I'd rather fly because I love planes and flying.

I just finished watching Gossip Girl's new episode. It was okay, but not great. I wonder if GG will even be renewed for next year. One Tree Hill is on tomorrow and I hope it's good because I love it. I can't wait to see Julian and Brooke get married. I don't know when that will be, but it will be good when it happens. I haven't looked at any spoilers except for Supernatural. Vampire Diaries looks good and I bet it's going to be as good as it's first 11 episodes. I hope it sticks around next year, but I wonder if it will be as good. Some shows die after the first season or two. There are a few that have gotten even better in their third season and others that have not. Then Smallville looks really good for the second half of season ten. It's too bad that it's the final season. I'm really going to miss watching my wonderful Clark and Company. I've loved Smallville for all the seasons it's been on and it's one of the only shows that have been good for every season.

It's funny because a couple of days ago I watched some old episodes of Dawson's Creek. I loved season 1 and 2 and then the show kind of died after that. There were some good episodes in the other seasons and I watched the show until it ended, but it was never as good as when it first started. I loved that episode where Dawson turned 16 and got drunk and Joey pushed his head into his birthday cake. I could not stop laughing. I used to love Pacey back then and then in the later seasons, I could not stand his character anymore. It was like he turned into someone else and I hated that person. As I was watching the episodes, I realized the character that I liked the least was Joey. I just could not stand her character at all. I loved watching Kerr Smith in those episodes and he even made me cry while watching one. He made me cry watching Life Unexpected. Kerr has that power. He's just like Jared. When Jared cries in something, I cry right along with his character because he makes it so believable.

I've hardly gone on message boards lately because I could care less what anyone else is saying about Supernatural anymore. I love the show for the reasons I love it and that's that. I've just been mainly keeping myself to myself lately. I've stopped looking for anyone on the internet to talk to or be friends with. It's pointless. My brother has tried to use my computer to talk to cyperwhores and I won't let him. He's married and talking to woman and meeting with them. Sick, but then that's what this world has become lately.

Another thing. I just read a really good fairie book. I love reading fantasy books and especially when they're well written like this one was. It would be nice to go to another world for a while and get away from this one. I think I do that when I go to sleep, but the world I go to is crazier than the real one and it's more like a nightmare.

I've also been trying to limit my time on the internet. You could spend hours and hours in front of a computer screen and not even know it. It gets scary. I've mainly just been visiting my little Sammy and the other little demons. I can't stand to spend time apart from my little Sammy. I wish my real cat Mully will be alright. She is getting thinner and thinner and hardly eating at all. I wonder if she isn't going to die soon. Hopefully, I'll be ready to let her go when she does die. It's going to be hard, but everything dies eventually.

Life Expected

How boring and predictable and expected was Life Unexpected's finale? I'm glad I missed the first hour of the crap and most of the second hour because I knew it was going to be crap and it was. Who didn't know that Cate and Baze would end up together at the end of the show? How unexpected was that? I even knew that Ryan's ex would show up and really be pregnant and that Cate would lose their baby. I didn't even watch the show and I knew that's what happened. That was one of the worst endings for a show that I've ever seen and I'm glad now that the show was cancelled. The second season started out not that good and it went downhill. There were a few good episodes and scenes that I really loved. I still wish Cate and Ryan would have ended up together because that would have been unexpected. The most stupid thing was the end when Lux was talking about light years. That should have been the title of the show and the last two years went like the speed of light. If the writer's wanted Cate and Baze to be together in the end, then they should have slowly been putting them back together and Cate and Ryan should not have gotten married at all.

This show reminds me of Felicity. A show I absolutely adored when it first aired because it was so good. It steadily went downhill in it's first season and then got worse and worse. There were a few good episodes and scenes during the years, but that was it. I hated how they turned Noel into an asshole, just to make that stupid Ben's character look good. The same thing happened on Life Unexpected with Ryan's character. They purposely made his character look rotten in the second season to make Baze's character better. It's interesting how women go for the guys most likely to cheat on them and be unfaithful to them instead of the sweet and steady guys that would love only them. I think most women think they are going to change the guy they are with and made him into a better man. How deluded is that? You can never make someone be a better person because they have to want to be a better person and do things themselves. Someone else doesn't make you into a better person.

Oh well! That's the end of that dumb show and I don't have to worry about it and I certainly will not miss it being on. I do hope that Supernatural ends up getting a seventh season because it might end up being the only show I watch after this season. Who knows? I'm getting tired of all the stupid reality shows that are coming out. One day, we're just going to be watching each other on TV and there will be no good shows on to watch. There are only a few good shows out there right now. There may be more, but I don't know about them or haven't watched them. I guess I'd rather do other things than watch TV.

I can't wait for Supernatural to come back on. I've been reading spoilers and things are looking good. I'm sure they'll be more surprises and hopefully they'll be good ones and not bad ones. I'm sure we'll get to see the unexpected on Supernatural. Instead of Life Unexpected, it's Supernatural Unexpected.

I can't wait for the L.A. Con because it's really going to be good. I just saw that Jim Beaver is coming and I'm very happy about that. I keep looking at the Convention site every day for news and updates. There's only about three weeks left and I'm getting more and more excited.

John Dye

I can't believe that John Dye is dead. I was looking around the Internet and found out and I could not believe it. He was only 47 years old. That's way too young to die. I loved John playing Andrew the Angel Of Death on Touched By An Angel. He's one of the main reasons I loved the show so much. I loved his character the best. He had such a nice voice and he made a perfect angel. I used to think that if I died, I'd want Andrew to come to bring me to Heaven. It would be nice to know that an angel like him came and got you and led you home to Heaven when you died. It's mainly wishful thinking, but I love to think of that. I haven't watched Touched By An Angel in years and I should buy some of the seasons on DVD because I loved the show so much. It was such an inspirational show and you always felt better after you watched it. It was uplifting and made you believe in God and that we could be better humans here on this Earth. I remember watching Touched By An Angel and it was like going to church, only better. I think I learned more from watching the show than I did going to church for years. It's just a sad thing that John had to die, but I guess we all have to one day. I'll be praying for his family and friends and the people who knew him and that they find the strength to go on without him. I've also been praying for a friend of mine that recently lost her husband. It's sad when people die, but that's a part of life. Everything will die one day.

I'm worried about my little hellcat Mully. She's almost 17 years old and lately she just hasn't been herself. She's hardly been eating and she mainly stays curled up in this little cat tunnel I have. I wonder if she is going to die soon. I know that she will one day and it scares me because I've had her for so long and it's going to be hard when she dies because I've never had a cat as long as I've had her. She wants me to hold her a lot too and she lets other people pet her and that's something she's never let anyone do before. She used to scratch anyone else that tried to pet her with the exception of a few people. Maybe she's just depressed right now or something else. I hope she'll be okay and live for a little bit longer. I know that an average cat's life span is only 18 to 20 years, so she's getting close.

I was released from work again because I chose to be. We have hardly any work and they offered us days off. So, I bet I'd be released anyway soon. I just want money for the convention coming up in Feb. and I either need to be at work or be off so that I'll have enough. There have been times I've been released in the middle of the week and I get screwed out of money, so I don't want that to happen. I hope more work comes in because I actually liked going to work and I was getting used to getting up early and going to bed early. Hopefully, when I start back to work, all my shows will be new again and I'll have something to look forward to when I get off work every night. I can't wait for the new episodes of Supernatural and I hope the second half of the season is even better than the first half. I watched Caged Heat again last night and I just loved it. It was nice to watch on my TV and not my computer. It looked better and I could not stop laughing at some of those scenes. I think Caged Heat is my favorite episode so far of season 6. I thought I liked Clap Your Hands If You Believe the most, but after watching Caged Heat, it's the best so far.

My Little Sammy Is The Phantom Of Pet Society

My little Sammy is the Phantom Of Pet Society or at least one of them. I love the themes they come up with. I love Phantom Of the Opera and I was so excited to see all the new stuff on Sunday. I love the musical and I went to see it about 15 or more years ago. I'd love to see it again. I also love the movie they did and I love watching it. I love Andrew Lloyd Webber's music because it touches your very soul when you listen to it and the music from Phantom is the best. I wish I could have seen the musical when Michael Crawford was the phantom and Sarah Brightman was Christine. That would have been awesome. I love them singing the songs because their voices are so beautiful.

Work is pretty good right now and I found out that I'm going to be doing some different work this year. That could be a good or bad thing. Right now, I'm just trying to stay awake doing the work that I'm doing because it's so boring. I make a lot of extra money doing it, but I'm falling asleep all the time and I hope I'm not making errors. It's the kind of work that I really have to concentrate on. I just hope we get some more work in or I'll be released again for a while. I don't want that to happen because I need money for the Convention.

It's only a little over two weeks to go for the new episode to be on. I can't wait to see what's going to happen. I hope we get some more Sam for a change and not a bunch of crap. I'm tired of it. I hope there will be some more focus on Sam's character, but I'm not going to count on it. I've learned not to because I've always been disappointed after all the episodes are over and we've gotten nothing but more Dean issues and more Dean angst. I want Sam issues and Sam angst for a change, but it will probably never happen. I've looked at what some people want for Sam's character and I doubt they're going to get it. How many people think Sam is going to have some big emotional breakdown or something and I don't think he will? Maybe, he will and maybe he won't. I still wonder where Sam's soul really was. Sure it could have been in hell, but maybe it wasn't and it was in heaven or somewhere nice and it was pulled back because of Dean. I just hope we get some good stuff between Sam and Dean and not hugging and crap. I want to see reality. I actually want to see Sam punch Dean in the face just one time. Sure, Sam doesn't do that, but it would be nice to see it because Dean deserves a good punch. Then Sam can hug him.

Well, that's it for now. Maybe I'll post some more Pet Society pics on my other blog over the weekend.

Back To Work

I'm going back to work tomorrow and part of me is happy and the other part of me is wishing I was off for longer. I hate going back to work at the start of every new season because I have to take refresher training on the crap that I've been doing for over 20 years. Like I could ever forget anything. They treat us like idiots that can't remember anything and we've only been gone for a month and a half. If something has changed in the work I do, then it's okay to train for a little bit on it, but if it hasn't changed hardly at all, it's a big waste of time and money. My employer likes to waste time and money I guess. I just can't stand being bored for eight hours and I want to just start working and doing what I do. I love how some people want me to change jobs and they think I'll be happy doing something else. I love typing and listening to music and not having to stress about anything and that's what my job is. The only time I have stress at work, is when I have to deal with idiots that think I don't know my job or the whiners that whine about everything. They think the work is too hard and that we have to type to much an hour. There are a lot of lazy people where I work and they seem to get lazier all the time. The funny thing is, I do my best work and I don't even have to try to and they act like the work is so hard and they're trying their hardest. It's just a lie because they want to talk, go out to smoke, sleep or something other than work.
I hope I get my days off for the Convention and that there won't be a problem and that we won't be too busy when that time is. Sometimes we get a ton of work in and they think everyone should be there and not take a day off at all. I love my work, but I need time off too for fun. When I'm at work, it's all work and when I play it's all play. I never mix the two.

I went to go look at some things around the Internet and I read some crap about Jared. I love how some people have to try to knock Jared's acting to make Jensen look like a better actor than he is. Jared to me is the better actor of the two and has been since the show started. Jared can play different characters on Supernatural and in his movies. He does not let the role of Sam Winchester define him as an actor. Jensen on the other hand is defined by the role of Dean Winchester. I worry about Jensen's acting career when Supernatural is over. He's played Dean so well, that will anyone want to see him as any other character in a show or a movie. It's funny that we've never seen Jensen play any other character in the last five and a half seasons of Supernatural, but Dean. To me, the mark of a great actor is the variety of roles they can play and make believable. Look at Johnny Depp and Nicholas Cage. I can watch them play a wide range of roles and love them in every one. That's how I picture Jared after Supernatural. I can see him playing how many different roles and being great at them, just like he's done for the last how many years. He's played how many different characters on Supernatural and made them believable and he's been in how many different movie roles. I'd love to see Jensen actually play a different character just once on Supernatural and to see him have a starring role in a movie and have a totally different character persona than Dean. I'd love to see Jensen playing any other kind of role besides Dean just to see how he is at it and then I'd know and be able to say that Jensen is as good as Jared. That's why I love Jared more and think he's a better actor and that's because I can watch him play any character and love him. I love him as Sam Winchester, but I love him as all the characters he's been in other TV shows and movies.

I'm too lazy to post in my other thread about Sammy and Co. They've been playing in their hospital rooms and pretending to be doctor's, nurse's, surgeon's and patient's. I always wanted to work in a hospital. I was seriously considering becoming a nurse, but I read a book about a real nurse and decided I'd never be able to do some of the things nurses have to do. I love medical stuff though and I love reading medical books. It's kind of crazy. I should have looked into other medical professions that didn't have a lot of patient contact. Oh, well. I've always wanted to be a writer, a skater, a veterinarian, an actress, a teacher and how many other things. Now I just sit at my job and dream about being something else. I guess what I really am is a dreamer and I love to dream. The best part of dreaming is when you're in the middle of one. Everything is perfect. Nothing ever goes right in real life and what you dream could end up being a nightmare if it comes true. I think I'd rather just dream about certain things without them ever coming true, but in my dreams.

The New Year So Far

It's only been four days into the new year and what a four days it's been. I went to the gambling town for New Year's day with my family. I had fun, but I lost a lot of money because my one sister brought her bank card with her. I was smart enough to leave mine at home, but then I borrowed money from her. I've got to face the facts that I'm just a loser. I haven't won any good money for a long time now and I've tried to not gamble at all. I don't mind when I lose a little money, it's when I lose a lot that it becomes a problem. I used to gamble a whole lot more than I do now. I hardly ever go. I remember a time when I went with my Mom and other family members two and three days a week. I sometimes go once or twice a month now and sometimes I'll end up not going for months at a time.

I found out what my computer problem was. It was my ancient modem for my internet. It finally gave out and I had to get a new one because it wasn't even worth it to keep the old one. It lasted two years and it was one of the first modems Cricket had. I have Cricket and I'll never call the customer service number again. I called it twice and got two different answers to the same question. They tried to tell me that I used up all my giga-bites and that's why my internet was slow. That was a crock of shit because I've never had a slow computer or internet before and I've been on the computer for hours. Who the hell even knew how many giga-bites I had or could use? I was just thinking what the hell is a giga-bite. I've had Cricket for two years now and never had a problem. I had to go to the store and there was finally someone there that knew what the hell was going on and helped fix it for me. I ended up getting a new account and everything.

On Sunday I didn't get to see my little Sammy and it almost killed me. I know I'm crazy for loving an electronic cat, but I can't help it. I see little Sammy and all is right with the world. When I don't see him, the world is ugly and gray and I'm depressed. I love all my other little demons, but not as much as my little Sammy. It's hospital week in Pet Society and I've been waiting for this. I love hospitals and medical stuff. Little Sammy got all kinds of fun stuff to play with and he's so cute to watch.

I've been watching old episodes of Supernatural and going through all the previous seasons and not any episodes in any order. I've just been watching my favorites and ones that I don't watch that often. I like doing that. I also got an old favorite TV show of mine on DVD. It's Scarecrow and Mrs. King. I just loved that show and I still love watching it now. It's funny to watch some of those episodes and see how different things were back in the 80's. I was a teenager when this show was on and I remember loving Bruce Boxleitner. He got married to Melissa Gilbert from Little House On The Prairie. I think they're still married and I hope they stay that way. I still remember watching Melissa on Little House as Laura. I have some of those episodes too that I watch and it comes on public TV here. That show was one of the best shows ever for anyone to watch. It had values and morals and showed what could happen if people helped each other and stayed together.

I can't wait for the L.A. Con and it's getting closer and closer. I went on the site and seen they added Mark Sheppard and now I can't wait to see him. I loved him playing Crowley. He's been one of my favorite demons on the show so far. I kind of wish I was going to the San Francisco Con because Corin is going to be there and Jared and Genevieve are going to be at the concert on Saturday. If I had the money, I would have tried to get tickets just to sit at their table and meet Genevieve. I just don't understand why Genevieve is never at one of the conventions as a star. I would love it if I could get her autograph and I'd get a photo with her too. I'd love for Lauren Cohan and Katie Cassidy to be at a convention too. It will probably never happen. These three women helped make Supernatural be a great show and they played main stars on the show and they should be at a convention. It sucks that we'll probably never get to see any of them on stage or anything.

Well, that's it for now. The year didn't start off too great because I didn't have my internet, but it's getting better. I guess I found out that I can't live without the internet for long or I can't live without my little Sammy for too long.

My Favorite TV Character Of 2010 Is Sam Winchester

My favorite TV character for 2010 is Sam Winchester. That's not a surprise because he's been my favorite character on TV since Supernatural started. I'd say so far that he's my all time favorite too. I've loved a lot of TV characters over the years and Sam tops my list. I hate to say it, but Dean falls way down like into the 50's or 60's on my list. I really don't have a list, but if I made one, I know that Dean would fall down under a whole ton of characters. As brothers, Sam and Dean are still my favorites followed closely by A.J. and Rick Simon, The Hardy Boys and the new Salvatore brothers. I'm sure there are some other brother duos, but I can't think of them right now. I've watched too much TV over the years and I'm how old and I can't recall everything I've ever watched. I'd say that TV for me has been pretty good the last couple of years and that's thanks to the WB and CW. I hardly ever watch any other channel because I'm tired of finding a show on another network and it being cancelled after a few episodes for one reason or another. Stupid reasons besides.

I haven't been able to use my computer a lot right now because my Internet connection is low. I don't know why. I just know it started on Christmas Eve and hasn't improved. I don't know what's causing it. I can hardly do anything. I usually have to wait anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour to see my little Sammy and my other demons. Those games on Facebook take forever to load without a strong connection. I can only do a few things on Farmville and it's starting to make me mad. I love Farmville and Pet Society and I can hardly play them right now. I can hardly go on message boards or even do e-mail. I'm surprised that my blog loaded. It took about fifteen minutes. I guess its a good thing that I haven't been able to be on my computer that much. I remember the days when I didn't even have a computer at all. I've been reading more books lately instead. I've also started watching Supernatural from the 1st season. I love the first season because Sam and Dean seemed to act more like brothers in it. They didn't hug and say words of love to each other, but there were certain things that they did say and do that told you that they loved each other. I liked that they both had issues with each other. Sam didn't like being bossed around by Dean and Dean was really insecure about things. I wish Dean would let Sam be his own person and hopefully that will happen now that Sam has his soul back. Dean needs to learn who Sam really is and not who he wants Sam to be.

I can't wait for my shows to all come back on, but right now I can watch movies, repeats of all my shows and read some good books. I sometimes like a little break from TV. This is a long break, but to me it's going by fast. I can't believe that it's almost the new year. Where did the last year go? 2010 was a great year for me. I got to go to the Supernatural Convention in L.A., Washington D.C., and to see my nieces in Reno twice. I had fun and I can't wait for Feb for the next Supernatural Convention. I just hope the weather isn't too bad at that time. It's finally been snowing here and sometimes we get a ton of snow and other times hardly any. As long as we get it in the mountains, it doesn't matter to me whether it's down here in the valley or not.

One other thing about Jensen. I think I know why he keeps his hair so short. It's probably so some crazy fan can't pull his hair out because he's hardly got any to pull on. I sometimes feel sorry for Jensen because of all the loonies out there that are obsessed with him and think he's Dean and not Jensen. I swear some people can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Jensen does not seem like he'd be like Dean at all and I don't get where anyone would think he was. I think some fans are so in love with the character of Dean that they don't care about Jensen at all. They're just crazy. I think Jensen should be more like Jared. I'd probably never recognize Jared if I walked by him on the street. Jared would probably have facial hair and one of those knit caps on and I'd think he was a bum or something and walk right by him. Or, he'd have his hoodie on or something. Jensen stands out too much because he looks the same as he does on the show, where Jared sometimes doesn't.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, my stupid computer or Internet will work properly again sometime soon.

Christmas Eve

Today I went to my sister's for dinner. It was a little family get together. It was nice that I got to spend some time with a few of my family members. I'm sad because this was the first year that my family didn't have a Christmas Eve party. We've always had one since I was a little girl. We had food, exchanged gifts and played games. I still remember all the years past and I cherish the memories of all those Christmas Eve's and everyone I shared them with. My one sister went to Mexico for Christmas with her friend and her two kids. This is the first Christmas that she hasn't spent here. For the last two years we had the party at her house. My mom and I didn't even put up a tree. I wanted to, but my Mom didn't because of the windows being installed. I think we could have moved the tree, but I didn't want to fight with her. We didn't get any snow down here in the valley where I live, but the mountains have plenty. It's cold, but that's it. I wish it would have at least snowed a little for Christmas.
My oldest sister and I went to see Narnia:The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader and I just got home a few hours ago. I had a good time and I'm glad I got to see this movie. It seems like I hardly get to the movies lately. I've wanted to see movies, but sometimes I just don't find the time to go. I've loved all three of the Narnia movies so far.

I watched A Very Supernatural Christmas again last night. I am obsessed with Supernatural and I watched Appointment in Samarra again too. I wanted to see it again just to see those scenes with Bobby and Sam. I still don't get Dean. Does he even know Sam at all. He just thinks Sam should be good and sweet and want certain things. Who knows what Sam really wants because we never get to know what he's thinking and it seems like Dean doesn't care most of the time what Sam wants. I think if Death had not shown up, Dean would have killed soulless Sam, just because of what he said. He told Bobby that he couldn't keep doing this and I think he was considering killing Sam. I don't know why Dean thinks Sam is so dangerous. And not just Sam without his soul. Dean has locked up Sam in that panic room when he had his soul, so I just don't understand. Dean thought Sam was dangerous because he wanted revenge on Lilith who was a demon and Dean did not know at the time that killing her would break the last seal. Dean thought Sam was dangerous when he drank demon blood and killed Famine who was a horseman that would have killed how many people. So, how was Sam a danger to anyone, but evil creatures. Then soulless Sam only tried to kill Bobby because he didn't want his soul back and he was willing to do anything not to have it.
I still think Death purposely showed Dean what happens when you mess with Death and the natural order of things. Dean has messed with Death how many times now. Maybe that's why everyone dies all the time around both Sam and Dean because Death won't be cheated. Tessa told Dean that the little girl if she stayed alive would only cause chaos and death all around her. It made me think of Sam. Maybe Sam wasn't supposed to be born or be alive and that's why everyone dies around him and has since he was a baby. I still wonder if Sam isn't half angel or half demon. Jesse the kid that was half demon and half human was hidden from angels and demons. What if the same thing applies to Sam? Maybe Azazel gave Sam and the other psychic kids blood, so that he could find them when it was time and to keep track of them. The demons lost track of Jesse and they didn't know where he was because the mom gave him up for adoption. It's just something I've thought of, but I doubt it is. I doubt the writer's will ever explain why Sam was special. I hope they do, but I've resigned myself to the fact that they probably won't.

I also think Dean needs to realize that soulless Sam was still Sam or a part of him. Does and can Dean accept Sam for who and what he is? Sam isn't perfect and he's not sweet and innocent either. He's done things that he's felt guilty about with his soul, let alone without it. What led Sam to drinking demon blood in the first place and to Sam listening to Ruby? Dean's deal for Sam's life. Dean probably wasn't supposed to die after his father gave up his life for him. Dean knocked over a huge domino when he made the deal for Sam to be brought back to life and look at all the deaths that resulted from it. Maybe that was supposed to be Sam's time to die and maybe that's why we never got to see him with a reaper. So we would not know what happened or where Sam's soul went. Dean brought Sam back to life and he probably wasn't supposed to be alive and how many people died because of it and the apocalypse started because of Dean's choice. I love how fans want to put all the blame on Sam for all kinds of crap and Sam was dead. Dean made the choice to bring Sam back to life, not Sam. Dean is responsible for everything that has happened since he made that deal and maybe deep down Dean knows this and that's why he's been treating Sam the way he has. I'm trying to figure it out. This is just my opinion, but I still think Dean saw in soulless Sam himself and he was afraid, not of Sam but of himself and what he did. Dean said that soulless Sam was acting like him and Dean has always had low self esteem and self worth. I still think when he beat the crap out of Sam, he wasn't angry at Sam, but at himself. When soulless Sam was around, it was like Dean was with himself and he could not stand it because I still think Dean doesn't like himself and who he is. Dean doesn't have any self respect, so he has no respect for anyone or anything, even Death. I don't know. I said I hated Dean, but that's not true. I still love Dean and I'm still just trying to figure him out and understand him. I still want Dean to find self worth and to see Sam for who he is and not who Dean wants him to be.

I know I expect a lot from the show, but I'd love to see real brother moments between Sam and Dean, not fake crap. I want to see Sam and Dean having real conversations and getting to know each other better and what each of them want from each other. I don't want them to just pretend the last how many years didn't happen. That's stupid and unrealistic. I would not mind a few angry words between them as well as the good words. Sam's going to have his emotions back and that doesn't just mean the good ones.

I'm trying not to go on message boards right now. I've gone to the CW just to read a few things and to post a few posts, but that's it. I love reading some of the stuff posters write about. Most of it makes me laugh my butt off and makes me smile and feel good. I'm grateful to those people for that. The sad part is, that sometimes I read crap that makes me mad in between reading the good stuff. I mostly ignore it. I'm sick of some fans trying to make Dean into something he's not and never will be. The only way he'll be that way is in their loony imaginations and that's it. It's just scary sometimes to read some of that crap.

Well, I'm done for now. It's been a long day.

The Vampires Win And Other Things I Want To Post About

Vampire Diaries tops my list for my favorite show or at least for mid-season. I love how the Vampire Diaries has gotten better and better. I love that all the characters now have a part to play in the overall storyline. Now there's werewolves with the vampires and witches. I just love that and sometimes this show has more supernatural stuff than Supernatural does. I'm glad that Laura Cohan has guest starred as Rose and I hope we get to see more of her and that she doesn't get killed off too quickly. And Daniel Gillies coming on as the hot vampire Elijah. Wow! I just can't get enough of this show and the whole excellent cast. The whole Katherine storyline has been great and I appreciate Nina Dobrev for being able to play both Elena and Katherine and make it so believable. I love Vampire Diaries the most right now because it has all the elements that make a show great. Drama, hot guys, kick ass females, great music, fight scenes and romance.

One Tree Hill takes second place because I still love it so much and it's always heartwarming to watch. I loved how the season started and that Clay and Quinn were spirits walking around and that whole storyline. I never cared to watch them until I saw that and now I love them too. I love watching Brooke and Julian and can't wait for their wedding. I always love Nathan, Haley and little Jamie. They're the cutest family on TV. I loved seeing Dan for one episode and hope to see him again. I just adored the Thanksgiving episode and it was so fun to watch. Tree Hill still has plenty of drama, laughs, music and great characters.

Gossip Girl comes in third place because it had such a good storyline with the whole Juliet thing. I loved watching Katie Cassidy as Juliet and she just made the show even better to watch. I loved everything with Chuck and Blair so far and their relationship that's so full of ups and downs. I liked seeing Jenny come back for a few episodes and didn't think we'd see that much of her. This show always makes me laugh, cry and cheer at times. I also love everything that Gossip Girl says, it's just so funny and fits everything.

Smallville comes in fourth place because it's the final season and it's been great so far. I love the overall storyline and that there are stand alone episodes in the middle. It's great and I love all the guest stars that have been on so far. I missed one episode and I hope that I'll catch the repeat when it's on. Smallville has always consistently done a great job of entertaining me and it's still doing it, in it's tenth season. The show has never changed it's format and that's why I love it so much. I missed Chloe, but the rest of the cast have been great and so have the stories. I loved learning that Tess is Lionel Luthor's daughter. I've loved her character since the show started and I still love her. She can either be good or bad and that's what makes her so good. I still laugh, cry, scream and love Smallville and it never fails to entertain me.

Supernatural sadly comes in fifth place because of the stupid storyline for this season. I love some mystery, but when the whole show just keeps you wondering and waiting for answers and then you never get any. That just gets old and I'm tired of it. I liked watching Sam without his soul because you finally got to see an uninhibited Sam who's not so weighed down by guilt all the time. I liked Dean until the episode Family Matters and then now I can't stand his character at all. The show has been more of a comedy than anything this season and I'd love to see more drama with a little comedy thrown in not the other way around. Their have been two episodes that made my list of all time favs and they are Two And A Half Men and Clap Your Hands If You Believe. I probably would not have enjoyed this season as much without these two episodes. I loved them. I also loved Weekend At Bobby's because it had a good mix of drama and comedy. Castiel has been great in the few episodes he's been in and I liked all of them. The main reason I still love Supernatural is because it is still entertaining and makes me laugh, plus I love watching Jared play such a complex character that I still love so much. Hopefully the second half of the season will be better and Supernatural will come out on top for my favorite show.

Last but not least is Life Unexpected which looks like it's going to be cancelled. There is going to be only two more episodes and that't it. So, it had a 13 episode season. I still love watching this show, but it lost a little of it's charm. I didn't care for Lux and the teacher and that whole relationship. I thought it was sick. I liked watching Cate and Ryan and even when they had problems, they were still fun to watch. I liked Baze's character a lot more than I did the first season and it's been fun to watch him. This show still made me smile, laugh, cry and feel good.

I love all my shows and I love them for various reasons. I just rated them because I felt like it. Vampire Diaries entertained me the most out of all of them. Of course, Supernatural is my obsession and I rate it hard because I love it so much and I expect more from it. I'm hoping that all my shows are great for their next 11 episodes.


On a personal note. Yesterday my Mom and I got new windows put in. I had to clean most of my room so that they could get to the windows to replace them. I cleaned out five big trash bags of trash. I'm a slob and I know it. I was bitching and swearing because I didn't even know what to do with some of my crap. I threw a ton of stuff away. I found two TV Guide's with Smallville on the cover. I wonder how many times they made the cover and Supernatural finally got a cover because of the fans. That just sucks. Both Smallville and Supernatural have been great shows and I still can't believe it took that long for Supernatural to finally get a cover. I also found a magazine I had with Jared in it. He was 21 or 22 years old. There was a lot of cute pics of him in it. I have a ton of magazines that I've been keeping and I want to keep all my sci-fi and movie ones. I just need somewhere to store them besides my bedroom. We have a shed, but I need a waterproof container to put them in so they don't get ruined. We've had little floods that have ruined stuff in our sheds before.
It's scary because I went on the CW message board and posters are fighting over whether Sam's soul was in hell or not. Who cares? I wonder if it was or not myself. Who knows who's lying about where Sam's soul was because the show is such a mystery and they just keep you guessing about crap like that. Hopefully we'll find out one way or another. I just think poor Sam is going to have plenty to deal with and not just because he might remember hell, if he went. Soulless Sam had all his memories, so he knows how he felt about everything. About his mother, father, Jessica, Madison, Jo, Ellen and how many other dying and plus Dean and Sam has always felt responsible for these deaths. I bet Sam thinks that if he'd never been born, then Mary, John and Jessica would never have died. Also, that Dean would have had a better life and the life he wanted. Sam probably still has all that guilt over that and then now he'll have more heaped onto it. If he remembers that he tried to kill Bobby, then there will be that guilt. If he remembers letting Dean be turned into a vampire and that he lost Lisa and Ben because of it. You only know that if Sam remembers stuff, then he's going to blame himself about Dean losing Lisa and Ben and thinks he's the reason that Dean isn't with them. I just hope Dean doesn't let him feel guilty for that. I'm hoping that Dean tells Sam that he wants to hunt and that he doesn't want a normal life. I want Dean to make up his mind already about what he wants from life and quit treating Sam like he's the reason Dean doesn't have what he wants. It's up to Dean to choose and hopefully Sam will get to make his own choices regarding his life for a change. I'm sick of Sam being treated like some piece of crap that everyone is trying to control and especially Dean. Dean should not make huge choices that affect Sam and if he does than I hope he takes responsiblity for the choices he made and not try to blame Sam for them. Like Sam should be a certain way and if he's not, then he's evil or he's let Dean down in some way. Sam never wanted Dean to bring him back to life and make that deal for him. Look how much that choice Dean made affected Sam and then Dean had the nerve to tell Sam he let him down. Dean expects too much from Sam and I doubt he really knows his brother and just seeing Dean with soulless Sam proved how little Dean knows about his brother.

I just think that now that Sam has his soul back, it's not like Sam is going to be happy. When has Sam ever been truly happy and had the life he really wanted? Never. Sam's whole life has been like hell on Earth and thanks to Dean, he gets hell again and maybe it will be even worse this time because not only will Sam feel guilty about everything from before, now he'll feel guilty about new stuff.
I've read some stuff about what others are thinking and they think Dean is just going to help Sam cope with stuff and then Sam will be great and heal from everything. You've got to be kidding me. Like the only pain Sam would have is what he suffered in hell or if he went there even. Not like Sam suffers all the time and about everything. I don't think I'm going back to my Hell House on there until after the New Year. I'll keep posting in my Sammy thread, but that's it. Posters are just getting nutty on there and I can't stand all the crap and that everything is going to be wonderful for Sam now that he's got his soul back. And that Sam and Dean are just going to go back to the way they were and that wasn't even that great. Dean needs to tell Sam how he feels about things and quit being such a stupid idiot and let his brother know how he feels about him. Maybe if I ever hear Dean telling Sam that he loves him and loves him for who he is and not what he expects him to be, then I'll love Dean again.
I just want Dean to go back to being Dean and admitting that he loves to hunt and he loved killing Supernatural creatures. That's who Dean has always been and that's why I loved him. I want to love him again like I did before.